Recovery Daily Podcast

If I didn’t love my life and the people in it so much, I wouldn’t be so upset that everything is temporary. It’s life’s impermanence that makes it so special. I’ll work on believing that.  Every day, I have a choice whether I will give my fear power over the present? It’s heavy, and for those of us who wrestle with this question daily, it can feel paralyzing. But fearing the inevitable doesn’t sto...

The past two days I’ve recorded my feelings preparing for my neurotologist appointment and afterward. There is a lot that goes on between my ears traveling on this road of recovery that often leads me to dead ends. There are so many people who suffer from invisible illnesses that lack a confident diagnosis from medical professionals. I want you to know that you’re not alone, and those feelings are...

Instead of watching the Super Bowl, I’m learning to enjoy football by listening. It’s taken practice, but by closing my eyes I can accurately keep track of the game and even get excited when others do. I have a permanent disability because of my vestibular disorder. Constant movement on a screen, or otherwise in my environment, gives me unbearable discomfort. I accepted the permanence of my disabi...

Some days, it feels like I’m running in place, like Fred Flintstone revving his feet but not going anywhere. I do the things I know are good for me, but I still feel lost. And when it starts, my old thinking is hard to stop. “Why move my feet if I’m not getting anywhere?” That’s where isolation starts, and depression begins to feed on itself. I keep moving my feet, even when it feels pointless. I’...

I used to depend more on the liquid in my glass than on the people who love me. Alcohol felt like the only reliable source of comfort to relieve me from looking too closely at my pain. It was predictable until it made me unpredictable. I couldn’t recover without acceptance, willingness, and action. Willingness is the key that unlocks the door, but I don’t get access to the key without accepting th...

Thursday mornings my sobriety meeting includes a 10-minute meditation. Every week we get to hear various meditation music. Todays was healing Gregorian chants by the Angelic Choir. The sounds immediately transported me back into a European vacation I took with my daughter. Of the many places we visited there was a beautiful church with stained glass as far as the eye could see. I could almost feel...

Letting go of old ideas is a process of unlearning habitual thinking. Yesterday, we took our dogs to the vet where a young woman at the counter casually mentioned she wished her water bottle was full of alcohol. That used to be my mindset. I constantly wanted to escape, never grateful for the present moment. Unlearning took more than removing alcohol; I got to change the way I think. Instead of ch...

Yesterday was an exciting day. I had the opportunity to be a guest on a podcast hosted by someone I deeply admire. It was something I had quietly hoped for, and when the invitation came, it felt incredibly special. As we talked, I realized that despite stepping away from my career, my executive mindset is still very much a instilled in me. That sense of purpose, confidence, and drive hasn’t disapp...

I’ve been carrying an increasingly heavy feeling. I thought I’d dealt with it, but its back. I feel myself sinking into sadness about my disability and chronic pain. It distracts me from being present. One might call it hopelessness, fear, despair, desperation. I’m not quite sure what to call it other than depression. I decided during my podcast episode today that it’s time to go back to my psychi...

Fear of abandonment didn’t stem from one traumatic event in my life. It grew from a string of experiences that, when stacked together, created a quiet ache in my heart—one I believed wasn’t mendable. I have carried this belief that people leave, and they don’t come back. Looking back, I see a pattern of people who, once part of my daily life, eventually moved on, leaving a void behind. Whether it...

I set a goal for January to finish the first draft of chapter one of my memoir. The overachiever in me decided that I should also write an introduction. So, on the last day of the month, I typed the final words of both. It’s just a first draft, and I know it’ll take countless revisions, but there is satisfaction in completing that goal. Writing has been allowing me to sit with my thoughts, find th...

Today, I was thinking about the difference between giving when you feel like you have nothing left and putting someone else’s well-being before your own. This morning, my neighbor was on his way to his mom’s funeral. Through tears, he shared that she had passed. I hugged him, offering my condolences the best way I knew how. I met his mother only three short months ago. She was battling brain cance...

I was a busy bee today. I got to meet virtually with a newly formed Loudoun Stroke Community Action Group, apply to volunteer for the Vestibular Disorders Association, and connect with Neurodegenerative Disease Research, Inc. about donating 100% of net proceeds from sales of my hand-painted pill bottles toward a cure for ALS. I’m grateful that, although I’m not perfect at it, I get to use my quiet...

If your friends invited you to Baskin Robbins, but you couldn’t have any ice cream, would you still go? If you did, would you truly enjoy watching everyone indulge while you sipped on water? Could you stay fully present, savoring the companionship and conversation alone? Attending an event where alcohol is present can pose some challenges for a recovering alcoholic. So, here’s what I do to be full...

Just to give you a glimpse of the ‘crazy’ in my head—despite recording my podcast daily and getting constant positive feedback about my vulnerability and impact, I still fixate on not being enough. For two days now, I’ve been thinking, “I should do my hair and makeup and look more professional.” Really? Because THAT matters? 🤪 My default self-talk is always, “I’m not enough.” I work hard to shift...

I did some really stupid stuff in college. Tequila shot power hour that landed me with alcohol poisoning, surfing in the bed of a truck going 55 miles per hour, riding on the back of a motorcycle while drunk—the list is endless. I put drinking above everything: my values, morals, dreams, goals, school, and friends. It’s fascinating, really, that I could be earning a degree in Mathematics while bei...

I remember my first night at Longwood College, sitting on a hill watching lacrosse players scrimmaging down on Iler Field. As I sat there, an aching emptiness settled in my chest. It felt like I’d been cast out into the world alone. This loneliness far surpassed anything I’d felt growing up because, at home, I always had my mom. I love you, Mom! Two things have been constant in my life: loneliness...

Over the past couple days, I have noticed my tendency to thought-spiral. You know the feeling—making a mistake at work and having your thoughts spiral into imposter syndrome, fear of job loss, and concerns about the stability of your future. An initial thought triggers a cascade of related thoughts that become increasingly intense and can result in anxiety and depression. My thought-spirals can be...

Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Believing in God is not a requirement to get sober. Believing in something greater than yourself is. What does that mean? The dilemma that some of us face when it comes to faith should not keep us from saving our lives.  This morning, I heard, “you need faith in order to see, rather than seeing before you have...

My husband and I once went to a restaurant for takeout, where I noticed a man sitting in an awkward meditation pose while waiting for his food. At the time, the judgmental and close-minded person I was thought, “What a weirdo.” Fast forward a decade, and now I find myself envious that he could let it all go and welcome peace and relief in the middle of the noise and distractions. Meditation didn’t...

“If you had my life, you’d drink too.” Before I was willing to admit I was an alcoholic, I believed this statement wholeheartedly. In early recovery, I was searching for a loophole: if something terrible happens, I’ll drink. I made my sobriety conditional on the circumstances of my life. But as I gain more tools to navigate life when it gets "lifey," my sobriety becomes less dependent on...

Breaking apart my young family was the hardest thing I ever did. Until walking into a sobriety meeting was the hardest thing. Until walking into detox was the hardest thing. Until walking away from my career for stroke recovery was the hardest thing. Sometimes the act of walking through a door requires more courage than we think we have. Until the next heavy door awaits us. The harder the stuff I...

Carrie Underwood is my hero! She faced a challenge with quiet strength, chose to shine (or sing) despite it, and reached out to unite those around her. Her voice, leading a beautifully unifying a cappella performance of America the Beautiful, is a testament to acceptance and grace under pressure. Some people live in the solution, focusing on the value they can bring to a situation rather than what...

🏈✨GO COMMANDERS ✨🏈 Now that’s out of the way…a day without my morning sobriety meetings is like leaving the house with no pants on. I can feel the difference (instant regret at every step) when I don’t start my day without sitting down with a cup of coffee with my virtual recovery family.  I no longer have an empty, heavy ache in my core. Taking away the alcohol didn’t fix all my problems. Ins...

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable. For the last several years of my active alcoholism, I tried to practice controlled drinking: only drinking after 5pm, only beer, only one glass of wine, only two glasses of wine, etc. I could barely carry out each temporarily, and I was miserable. I justified my drinking: stress, unhappy marriage, or my frie...