Recovery Daily Podcast

Don’t miss my first podcast interview ever! Ralph Cortese, broadcaster and executive producer of Stroke Warrior Radio, joined me to discuss dual recovery, while we also uncovered some surprising similarities between us. Suffering a stroke in 2015, he said recovery was the hardest thing he’d ever done, but also the most rewarding. For the first seven years, it was slow, frustrating, and full of ang...

I took a day off from my self-imposed, made-up podcast job yesterday. My family visited, and my husband, ever the overachiever, made sure we were well-fed. It was a great time, but with my vestibular disorder, even good days can leave me wrecked. So, I took a break as a podcaster yesterday to reset. Balance is priority for me (pardon the pun, vesties), learning when to push and when to rest. Wheth...

When I got sober, I started having drinking dreams that were unsettling to wake from thinking I had relapsed. After realizing it was only a dream, I was relieved but anxious. The same thing happened when I began attending stroke support groups. My dreams shifted navigating the world with a disability, whether it was loss of one of my limbs, my speech, or my vision. After medical retirement in 2023...

There’s a connection between adjusting to sobriety and adjusting to my disability. In early sobriety, I was stuck between wanting to socialize and functioning happily while the world kept drinking. Now, in stroke and vestibular recovery, I feel the same “stuckitude” where my vision doesn’t tolerate movement, but the world keeps moving. Acceptance isn’t easy. There’s a complicated grieving process...

Living with a vestibular disorder means adapting to a new way of life, and for many of us, that includes redefining how we spend our time. Some of us are medically retired due to our condition, leaving us searching for purpose and fulfillment in ways that accommodate our symptoms. Creativity can be an incredible tool for recovery, self-expression, and connection.  Yesterday I hosted a virtual meet...

Public speaking, work stress, life decisions…before sobriety I measured my success by whether I could push through without help. I saw every challenge as a question of whether I could handle it alone. But in sobriety, stroke recovery, and vestibular recovery, I’ve learned that courage is doing it regardless of the fear and holding someone’s hand if I need to. Surrendering is simply admitting, “I c...

In early sobriety, laughing at my humiliating past felt impossible. But with time, healing, and liberation from that version of me, humor in recovery has been a sign of growth. Laughter can be a tool in healing, although joking about my past with non-alcoholics can get awkward. Its ok to acknowledge our past with humor without glorifying it. There is a line I don’t cross, however; I never joke abo...

Today was a good day emotionally, and it’s been a few weeks since I could say that. Attending the Vestibular Disorders Association Conference has been validating for me. I accepted that I’m permanently disabled and know my limits, but there’s always this lingering feeling that I should be doing more. An attendee shared with me today how he navigates the world using noise-canceling headphones, spec...

Last night, tears welled up in my eyes whileI brushed my teeth reflecting on my quality of life. I was thinking about allthe things I can’t do anymore that I used to love. Between my sobriety, stroke,and vestibular disorder, my world looks completely different than it did lessthan a decade ago. Last night, my world seemed much slower and smaller. I thought getting sober in 2016 meant I’dnever have...

I’m an expert at feeling discouraged. That’stypical for someone who is always looking for immediate gratification. When Ifirst got sober, I wanted to fix everything overnight. My emotions, my past, andmy relationships were terribly raw when I removed the cover of alcohol. Whenthings didn’t change fast enough, discouragement crept in, and I consideredgiving up on the whole recovery thing. But disco...

When I started going to sobriety meetings, I didn’t understand why people said, “keep coming back.” Very little made sense to me back then. I was desperate and scared, and nothing anyone said seemed to change how I felt. I was listening, I was taking suggestions, but I didn’t see how just showing up to meetings was supposed to do anything. But I kept going anyway out of desperation, and I heard pe...

Many drunken years ago, I used to post 11:11 on Facebook. It never failed that I looked at the clock at 11:11 each night. I created this narrative, convincing myself that it was a sign I was exactly where I needed to be. You know by now that there are times in my recovery when I feel completely lost. I do everything “right”, showing up for sobriety meetings, recording my podcast, sticking to my ro...

If you lost the use of your hands and piano was your passion, would you find another way to play? Think about something you love. What if, one day, you could no longer do it? Would you adapt, find a creative solution, or resign yourself to living without it? I’ve found creative solutions despite my limitations, but I constantly test my physical boundaries. Over the past week, I’ve had moments wher...

I create my own playbook for stroke and vestibular recovery, figuring out how to handle triggering situations. In sobriety, it’s straightforward—I can’t drink, no exceptions. But with my vestibular disorder, I can’t just cut out the world around me. Life moves, and I have to find a way to function without pushing myself past the point of no return. Sometimes, I don’t realize I’ve gone too far unti...

I slept 12 ½ hours in the past 24 hours. My brain needs rest, but no matter how much I sleep, I still wake up in a concussion-like fog with headaches and visual sensitivity. Sleep is one of the most critical yet frustrating aspects of stroke recovery. I know that sleep is necessary for neuroplasticity, and my brain is actively healing while I rest. However, with all this rest I start to feel like...

There was a guy in my IOP class who sat next to me, and we became friends. He was really funny, and we connected about our hilarious drunk experiences even though we were there to get sober. He ended up getting kicked out of the class for not passing the urine test one morning. He argued that the test was not accurate. A year or two later, he died of our disease. There are several people from Loud...

Today I heard someone say, “Without doubt, there is no need for faith.” It struck me that the most joyous moments of my life resulted from hard work and sometimes incredible pain. My struggle is letting go of self-will and figuring out where to look for guidance. Sometimes it’s in other people. Other times those people simply play the essential role of shifting my focus from self-will back to my h...

Today I was interviewed by the Vestibular Disorders Association (VEDA) to feature my story in the spring. I’m passionate about giving back to the communities and organizations that guided me in early stroke recovery. I was lost, struggling to do my own research online with limited vision. I found an article published by VEDA called Vision Challenges with Vestibular Disorders . This was my gateway...

My psychiatrist and I talked yesterday about the difference between accepting that I’m permanently disabled and respecting the limitations that come with it. Over the past two months, I’ve reached a point of acceptance, but I’m famous for retaliating against my symptoms. I want to do what I want, when I want. And every time I fight back, my symptoms grow painfully stronger and win. My strength in...

I thought turning my will and life over was supposed to be some dramatic event, but for me it was a subtle decision as I walked a sidewalk in San Francisco 8 years ago.  In early sobriety, I could barely grasp steps 2 and 3. My sponsor kept telling me to pray, but I couldn’t even say the word God without feeling awkward. Over time, just listening to people talk about their experience gave me permi...

I’ve been thinking about the reckless, self-sabotaging behaviors of my drinking years. My program teaches me not to regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it, but some memories are hard to look at without feeling shame and guilt. Back then, I was always searching for validation. I set myself up for failure, assuming that I was never good enough. I dismissed people before they could dismiss m...

How many times have you called in on a snow day and felt guilty, like you’re lying, but you’re truly looking out for your own well-being and safety. It’s funny how taking care of myself can feel like others think I’m lying. Maybe it’s because I spent so long neglecting my well-being that prioritizing it now feels unnatural. But with practice, I we can get better at letting go of imagined judgment...

It was hard to see how the small steps in early sobriety were going to impact my life. Like, how was volunteering to make coffee at Saturday morning meetings going to do anything besides force me to wake up earlier and talk to people I didn’t know? But now, I see it taught me how to follow through on commitments, get comfortable socializing sober, and give back to something that was saving my life...

I’m 50, and yet my emotional maturity only kicked in a few years ago. It’s something I cultivate because it enhances relationships, decision-making, and overall mental health. It starts with recognizing my emotional triggers, like ‘why am I totally pissed right now?’, and pause long enough to figure out why I’ve been triggered. Like I mentioned yesterday, emotions should be signals for self-awaren...

This morning, I heard the phrase “feelings aren’t facts” and immediately bristled. I’ve always dismissed this phrase because it felt like saying my emotions didn’t matter. Feelings are real and valid, but they aren’t always accurate representations of reality; and this is what the phrase means. If I’m feeling something so deeply, how can it not be real? This phrase tells me to recognize my feeling...