Recovery Daily Podcast

Accepting myself exactly where I am is the very thing that allows me to change? Reflecting on Carl Rogers’ “curious paradox” of acceptance, it resonates so much to both my sobriety and stroke recovery. Last night I reached my cognitive and physical limit while trying to make one of my world famous dinners. 😉 I asked my husband to step in for the last part. The energy I would have wasted if I argu...

The things I judge most harshly in other people are actually telling me something about myself? It’s uncomfortable to say, but if I’m being honest, I have a tendency to default toward judgment. My recovery program is teaching me how to choose compassion instead. My insecurities, assumptions, invisible struggles, and the illusion that I know why someone behaves the way they do are all fuel for judg...

So much of life is outside of my control, but that doesn’t mean I’m without choices. Sobriety taught me how to separate what I can change from what I need to accept or surrender, and stroke recovery has made that practice even more important. I’ve learned how much energy I can waste arguing with reality or having entire arguments inside my own head about things that never happened and may never ha...

What does it mean to be “right-sized”? Sobriety taught me to see myself, my problems, and my place in the world more accurately. I can make myself too big by trying to control everything, taking responsibility for other people, or believing every interaction is more important than it really is. I can also make myself too small through people-pleasing, insecurity, apologizing for my needs, or shrin...

How often am I searching for something I already have? By thinking about what  I believe those things will give me and where might that already exist in my life, I can hold what I desire loosely enough to see what I already have. My words and desires can reveal where my attention is living. Sometimes my “wanter” is so busy looking toward the next thing that I miss seeing the life I once desperatel...

Fear doesn't always look like fear. It can be dressed up as anger, control, denial, depression, bargaining, or perfectionism. After coming to this realization, I try to look beneath the costumes fear wears in my own sobriety and stroke recovery. Losing the ability to drive, accepting permanent changes after stroke, and losing my job to medical retirement all elicited enormous fear. But feeling...

When I say, “Thy will be done, not mine,” I have a tendency to brace myself for whatever bad thing might happen next. But what about all the beautiful things I never planned for either? In this episode, I talk about surrender in a different way—loosening my grip on what I think my life should look like and leaving room for possibilities. Sobriety, stroke recovery, my podcast, writing a book, creat...

Knowing what I need to change about my behavior and actually changing are two very different things. Steps 6, 7, and 10 work together to help me recognize old behaviors, surrender my need to control everything, and practice choosing differently. These steps have helped me through sobriety, stroke recovery, relationships, frustration, defensiveness, people-pleasing, and those moments when every ins...

Anger can color everything we see? In this episode, I talk about the anger and sadness that can come from living a life I never expected—wanting to drive, work, travel, shop, and simply be like everybody else. I’m learning not to compare the life I have today to the life I thought I would have. I share what helps me move through those feelings: “move a muscle, change a thought,” naming what’s unde...

We all leave something behind in the people we encounter. In this episode, I talk about the fundamental attribution error , our tendency to judge someone’s character without knowing the circumstances behind their behavior, and what stroke recovery has taught me about the things we simply cannot see in other people. I also look at the other side of the ripple: what I put into the water. From Step 1...

It’s show-n-tell day! Before I head to the Lake of the Woods Fine Arts Show & Sale tomorrow, I’m giving you a peek at what I’ve been creating, from Christmas ornaments made with vintage jewelry to Spoon & Cup Theory bracelets and my newest obsession of handmade junk journals. Everything at my booth has been created with recycled, repurposed, and vintage materials. Recovery has taught me th...

After my stroke, there wasn't much room for laughter. My life was consumed by pain, fear, doctors, visual disability, and trying to understand what happened to me and if I’d get better. Over time, thanks to my husband, laughter found its way back in. Laughing at some of the ridiculous moments of life after stroke doesn't minimize what I've lost. I can grieve my limitations and still la...

I wondered what I had left to offer without alcohol in my life. After my stroke, that same fear came back. So much of what I could do had changed that I started questioning what I could still bring to my relationships and my life. I must separate my limitations from my worth, let go of the “I should be able to” thoughts, and stop measuring Rachel 3.0 against the person I was before my stroke. My c...

Living with a vestibular disorder has changed what being active looks like for me. Movement itself can provoke my symptoms, so exercise isn't as simple as pushing harder, going farther, or trying to get back to what I could do before my stroke. I have to consider what I can do with the brain and body I have today? Sometimes being active is walking my dog. Other times it's gardening, gentle...

I’m pretty good at coping once I’m already overwhelmed. The harder part is recognizing what my mind and body are telling me before I get there. Today I’m talking about proactive coping—recognizing the physical and emotional warning signs before they become emergencies. I look at the difference between coping and avoidance, intentionally visiting my “dark place,” and why even healthy things like ho...

Why do I say “I’m fine” when  I’m not? Sometimes I hold back because I don’t want to burden anyone, seem dramatic, be misunderstood, or admit that I need help. But what I refuse to talk about doesn’t disappear. It usually finds somewhere else to go. Sobriety taught me that connection requires my participation, and stroke recovery has taught me the same lesson in a different way. When I live with s...

Boris takes over the podcast today. Don't miss it. I spend a lot of time paying attention to difficult emotions, like fear, anger, sadness, resentment, anxiety, but the emotion wheel goes both ways. Joy and love have a whole vocabulary of their own, and I deserve to experience those feelings without guilt or waiting for the other shoe to drop. Recovery has taught me that difficult and pleasant...

Humility used to feel a lot like humiliation to me. My recovery program helps me to know what belongs to me, do my part, and trust God with the rest. In this episode, I talk about how sobriety and stroke recovery have challenged my need for control, how pride can disguise itself as independence, and why asking for and receiving help is part of humility. I can plan, advocate for myself, and partici...

I didn’t want to record today. I wanted to run into my art studio and make handmade journals—my newest creative obsession. But recovery skill I learned in sobriety kicked in: do the next right thing. I’m learning how to put a container my enthusiasm in order to not abandon my purpose in recovery which is connecting with you. Feelings are information, and that includes excitement. Wanting to do som...

Living with stroke-related disabilities, chronic pain, and fluctuating capacity means my mind and my brain don’t always agree about how much I can do. I need to notice when my brain needs a slower pace and adjust before I reach the point of crashing. Slowing down doesn’t mean I have to stop, while not slowing down requires me to. Instead of trying to push through, I ask myself what would make toda...

For the longest time I tried to change everything around me and thought that I couldn’t change me. I was a victim of my thoughts and emotions. I had it totally backward. I can't change anything beyond my fingertips, but I can change what's happening between my ears. Even thought when I can't choose the circumstances of my day, I still get to participate in shaping how I experience it....

I know I need to rest. I just don't want to. It can be for me to stop, take a nap, or simply sit without thinking about everything else I could be doing. After stroke, things people normally do to relax, like watching TV or reading, aren't options for me because using my eyes hurts. Meditation practice that I learned in sobriety has helped me to “rest my thinker,” when I’m restless, irrita...

Being able to do something and deciding whether I should do it are two very different things. In sobriety, I look ahead at the consequences of my choices. In stroke recovery, I’m still learning how to do that with my physical and cognitive capacity, especially when the consequences don’t show up until hours or even days later. There’s a fine line between perseverance and restraint, and expanding m...

Being busy can make us feel important, productive, and needed. But when productivity becomes part of our identity, stopping can feel frustrating and uncomfortable. Stroke recovery teaches me lot about the physical, mental, emotional, recreational, and spiritual rest we need to stay well. Sometimes it’s anxiety, ambition, money, technology, and ego that keeps us constantly moving. We can become phy...

When illness or disability limits our independence, home can change from a place of comfort into a place that feels confining. There is grief in losing spontaneity and watching ordinary life continue without me. As someone painfully experienced in the isolation that comes with alcoholism, the solitude that I once sought in staying home can easily become isolation.  My disability imposes real limit...