Recovery Daily Podcast

When I stopped drinking, I was left with an abundance of time and energy that I didn’t know what to do with. (Coincidentally, the same thing happened when I medically retired.) Without planning life around the next drink, I had long stretches of space that were filled with restlessness. In early sobriety, I tried to think my way out of thinking. I learned quickly and out of desperation that only a...

For the hour in a support group, we are safe and unafraid. Inside that hour that we are truly seen and unjudged. We are free to be ourselves. Then we are cast off into the world to navigate the next twenty three hours until we meet again. How do we stretch that feeling of protection into the rest of the day? Practice.  That hour can be a template for our lives and starting place for emotional stab...

After suffering a stroke, letting go of control felt like a terrifying leap. But I found that clinging tighter to who I used to be only makes things hurt more.  There is a peace that emerges out of surrender. Releasing control opens my arms to something greater than myself and gives me the humility to accept help and guidance. I’m learning to go with the flow instead of fighting the current. Throu...

I am not insane! But I was when I was drinking. This label once offended me, until I looked honestly at my erratic emotions and the behavior alcohol fueled. Once I picked up a drink, I lost the ability to choose anything. My life was unmanageable because I had surrendered my freedom of choice. Sobriety didn’t instantly erase the chaos either. In the first year, before the steps took hold, I was un...

Making amends taught me a lot about forgiveness. The 12 steps are a guide for living and have unexpectedly helped me understand myself so that I can be a better version of me for others. At its core, making amends is taking responsibility for our behavior. When others are willing to listen, we get the opportunity to make direct amends for the harms we’ve done. It’s a gift to shed the weight we’ve...

What matters more when you talk with someone: expressing yourself authentically or being understood? Self-expression is an act of self-respect, honoring our truth, even when the words land imperfectly.  But when we shift our focus toward being understood, our story becomes dependent on someone else's perception, biases, attention span, and emotional availability. Pride sneaks in, and we lose g...

We often don’t realize the weight our words, behaviors, and presence carry in the lives of others. Sometimes we choose friendships based on unhealthy patterns, like shared drinking habits, because they help us justify our own behavior. We offer alibis for solitude, making excuses when we want to be left alone. I feel a deep craving in to be left alone and understood at the same time, forgetting th...

When faith is in full flower, we trust in something outside of ourselves even when the ground is shaking. When life is good, I still brace for impact waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s leftover trauma from my stroke and lingers quietly. We often overlook the courage it takes to just show up for life each day. Emotional strength is so fragile, and building back momentum in grief takes everyth...

In sobriety, before my stroke, I had arrived! I’m so grateful for that time in my life. I was finally living up to my potential and surprising even myself. I was public speaking, people leading, and implementing means to empower both staff and customers.  What a stark contrast from where I came less than a decade prior. I was barely aware of what time of day it was, not brushing my teeth or bathin...

Surrender makes me think of the Tom and Jerry cartoon, where Tom is face-first in the mud waving a white flag while Tweety-birds are fluttering around the bump on his head. But surrender is quiet strength, loosening our grip on life and opening our arms to help. I’ve developed visualizations for letting go, like placing my worries on the nightstand, flipping my pillow over to the “good dream” side...

As a drunk, I hid underneath the crowd. When I got sober, I climbed to the top. Envy and ego kept me from understanding my role as a human being among human beings. It wasn’t until after my stroke and exiting my career, when many of the external stressors were stripped away, that I saw my priorities clearly. Without all the noise, I saw the symptoms of being human in others. It’s still a challenge...

I wake up each morning with an unpredictable level of energy shaped by chronic head pain, dizziness, and visual sensitivity from my vestibular disorder, caused by a stroke in 2021. Before my feet even hit the floor, I already know how much or how little I’ll be able to do that day. Although I’ve been committed to nurturing my physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness daily, it’s still difficult...

There was a time when I woke up with a hangover every day, and the only thing that could fix it was wine for breakfast. I added a little OJ and voilà ! I lived in a cycle of selfish survival, isolating myself, running on empty, and numbing the emotional pain. Today, with chronic physical pain in my head from my vestibular disorder, I once again wake with a hangover feeling on most days. But it has...

I’m learning to be compassionate toward myself. I spent so long punishing myself, through drinking, starving, self-criticism, and isolation, that I lacked self-kindness. Emotional sobriety is learning to sit with discomfort and know I’m ok, grow through slow and painful changes, and not expect myself to be further along than I am. Managing emotions sometimes feels like clawing out of an abyss with...

I drank to escape from work stress, emotional pain, loneliness, and even my own past. I believed the lies that I told myself. I prioritized my spending on alcohol over essentials, ignored my hygiene, and gradually isolated myself from everyone. You may have noticed that I was worn down and shaking all the time, but I was quietly killing myself. Drinking gave me temporary relief until it stopped wo...

Living with health-related fear, like the possibility of having another stroke, quietly overwhelms me. The phrase "live like you'll die tomorrow" implies making the most of today, but for me, it feels more like a countdown clock than inspiration. Instead of freeing me, this urgency creates pressure to rush everything like it’s all going to end before I’m done, leaving me emotionally...

When I stopped drinking, I didn't see the wreckage that had brought other suffering alcoholics to the same place. It was hard to believe these people had the same fear, DUIs, suicide attempts, shame, bad hygiene, and broken relationships that I did when I showed up. I wasn't convinced that anyone understood me, but gratefully I kept coming back. That act of returning again and again, provi...

I’ve seen a lot of therapists in my lifetime. One of them had a gigantic wind chime outside her office that rang with a deep, resonant tone that I’ll never forget. Back then, I carried the weight of my thoughts and emotions in silence and poured alcohol over it. I felt disconnected, using alcohol to numb the noise in my mind. Anytime a therapist asked how much I drank, I’d lie and never go back. E...

From this moment forward I will do yoga every day forever. I tend to be an all or nothing thinker, and clearly, I can be unreasonable in my assertions. I had a friend who used to commit to not drinking for 30 days to prove he’s not an alcoholic. I laughed and asked why he’d torcher himself for 30 days. Obviously, he was not the one with the drinking problem. Long-term pledges stress me out because...

Imagine that every morning in the kitchen at work there is a dirty dish left in the sink. You don’t know who it belongs to, but every day, it’s there crusting over in an otherwise squeaky-clean room. You’re frustrated that others aren’t acting according to your standards. Finally, after a particularly aggravating meeting with your boss, you walk into the kitchen and find the same dish. This time,...

Today’s episode is a feeble attempt at best. I’m still dragging after a week of the flu and barely had the energy to finish. But the message is an important one for me as I break out of a mini-isolation. Any degree of this detaching mindset begins the erection of a self-constructed prison that can leave me questioning even the basic need to taking care of myself and nurse myself back to good healt...

Hi all, I just wanted to provide you with a sign of life. I've been very sick with a cold or flu. I believe it is the latter of the two but have no desire to have a doctor confirm that for me. Just checking in to let you know that I'm here and will be back in a few days.

St. Patrick’s Day was another excuse for complete escapism where I could ignore all responsibilities and numb out. Drinking from the crack of dawn, I woke up the next day with little recollection of what I’d said or done. I remember shoulder-to-shoulder crowds at DC101’s kegs and eggs and the way each year outdid the last in sheer nonsense. It was a blast, freeing even. But for me, the ride had to...

Letting go of control has never been my strong suit. There’s a reason I always pursued management positions in my career. I liked things my way in my time. I believed that if I worked hard enough, life would cooperate. But it doesn’t work like that. No amount of willpower can change the course of certain things. The serenity prayer asks for serenity, courage, and wisdom around what I can and can’t...

Sitting in the kitchen eating my Golden Grahams, I visualized being back at an Airbnb with my family on a beach vacation. I was on a bike ride with my brother, sitting on the deck with my sister, and relaxing on the front porch with my mom and kids all while consuming that one bowl of cereal. My body may still be here, but my mind is my passport wherever I want to go. Meditation and visualization...