Recovery Daily Podcast

“Forever syndrome” is what kept me drinking during my attempts to quit. That whole “I have to do this for the rest of my life” thinking had me drinking again before I gave recovery a real chance. What I realized today is that I couldn’t reasonably and realistically envision my life without alcohol because I hadn’t yet adopted the tools of the 12 steps. So, the “rest of my life” I imagined wasn’t r...

Living with an open heart is like a flower that blooms in the sunlight and gently folds in the rain. Flowers close to protect their nectar just like I close to protect my joy if I think it’s in jeopardy. Life rains on us sometimes, and what matters is whether we are willing to open back up. Despite chronic pain, vestibular and cognitive challenges, and the daily unpredictability of stroke recovery...

I’ve had to feel my way into humility. In the beginning of my sobriety, my character defects felt better than humility. I felt like giving them up was shrinking myself or losing the parts of me that made me a strong woman. But I’ve come to understand that humility is a quiet strength. Humility helps me pause before reacting and listen for the next right thing instead of charging ahead with my old...

A discarded pineapple Fanta can followed by another “e-motorcycle” sighting yesterday reminded me why I keep playing this little sign‑spotting game with the universe. When I ask for a sign and then open myself up to seeing one, there it is mere steps after the decision. The pineapple has been my sobriety mascot ever since my first sober business trip at San Francisco’s Staypineapple Hotel. Yesterd...

Autumn, my resident four‑legged princess, gave me her classic “Oh bother, Mom’s monologuing again” eye‑roll just as I hit record for my podcast episode today. My spirits were still buoyant from a lovely pool afternoon with two sober friends, so I ignored her pouty pooch protest.  The universe’s timing is beautiful. Yesterday I was yanked me out of the moment and straight into a technicolor flashba...

I woke up groggy with my usual vestibular hangover. I got my coffee and sat down ready to “download” guidance from my higher power through my morning sobriety meetings. Our reading covered being unwilling to make amends for a lingering resentment. What I realized was that I experienced a similar resistance to making amends. I wasn't ready because I didn't yet have the tools to face my part...

I only began to understand what humility was when the 12 steps deflated my ego like a helium balloon. Step five helped my defects of character seep out by acknowledging them with someone I trust. Step 6 tested my willingness to let those defects go. After a lifetime of listening to that little voice in my head tell me the wrong things, building new habits like pausing takes practice to let that li...

When runners prepare their stance for the start of the race with feet planted, fingers on the track, and heart pounding, they’re getting entirely ready to go all in. In the same way, Step 6 is the action of becoming ready and willing to open yourself up to self-reflection and release from character defects. You know those things you do and say that stand in the way of your relationships and growth...

This morning, I woke up feeling spiritually flat, like I had no direction. That feeling’s been lingering for a while. It feels kind of like restlessness that I haven’t been able to snap out of. But today I made some headway without planning for it. I just got up and went through my usual morning routine. Someone shared something that resonated with me in my meeting. What I heard was, “ How can I b...

I went to the movie theater yesterday with my niece, but the accessibility headphones didn’t work. I had to sit through the film relying only on the dialogue. At first, I felt like crying. But instead of spiraling into self-pity, I shifted into gratitude for being with my niece, for a kick-ass burger, fries, and a vanilla shake, and simply for getting out of the house. When our expectations fall a...

Sometimes sobriety and support meetings can feel like a chore. They can feel repetitive and purposeless when our lives start to normalize. I can lose gratitude when life gets fuller, more joyful, and busier. I can feel torn between enjoying life and honoring the practices that got me here. This shift is a red flag, even though it’s also a sign of growth. Revisiting the notion of emotional sobriety...

You know that restless, irritable, discontent feeling that makes everything feel like “too much and not enough” all at once? Today I went rucking, did yoga, handled some recovery paperwork, and even relaxed poolside, and yet I felt all day like I was trying to outrun my restlessness. It can be frustrating and even shameful when I’m doing all the right things but still feel hollow inside. My intern...

I carried a victim mentality for most of my life, thinking everything was happening TO me, and I had no choices. I blamed everyone else for my suffering, and when I ran out of other people to blame, I blamed my anxiety and depression. I didn’t believe that I could make a difference in my own life. The cards were dealt, and I had to play the game until I lost. Working the steps of my sobriety progr...

This Independence Day, I didn’t watch the fireworks. I crawled into bed with my pups and put on meditation music for dogs (link included below.) It actually worked! Boris, who just the night before was shaking the bed with his nerves, calmed down after only a few minutes. I must admit they had some assistance from a little puppy-safe catnip called PuppyJawana. I turned the volume up just enough to...

I went rucking today for an entire mile and a half by myself! I’m trying to build strength, and it’s absolutely a “no pain, no gain” situation. Afterward, before heading home, I sat on a park bench and was surrounded by birds singing. Before I even had a chance to exhale, I started recording my podcast for the day.  My topic today, “Easy Does It,” is easier said than done. Even when I’m walking, I...

At first, learning humility seemed like shrinking myself, but really it was more like getting honest with myself. It seeing myself without puffing up or tearing down. How often do you look in the mirror and say, “you are just right exactly as you are”? I tend to hold myself to impossible standards, trying to prove my worth. But to who? High standards can quietly set me up for failure. The very ego...

I believe in love even though I can’t touch it, see it, or measure it. I feel it. There’s no sense for that feeling. Faith is something I also feel the impact of. Like love, it’s real and immeasurable, but I can feel it how it changes me and inspires me. I’m leaning into the willingness to stay open to what I feel and don’t necessarily have the senses to prove. I don’t have to have all the answers...

Our inner dialogue can be shaped by the voices around us, especially the critical ones. I can latch on to a passing comment from a stranger and fester in it. Today I noticed that what I feed myself is what I’ll come to believe. If I dwell in shame or defensiveness, those beliefs grow stronger. But if I stay grounded in present moment within my little footprint on the earth, in addition to faith an...

Where does fierce determination come from? I always thought those people who never stop and drive themselves to triumph each day have unbelievable will power. But how is that possible? Will power is depleting, so they must depend on something inexhaustible. The two sources that came to mind are faith and desperation.  I heard someone say this morning that desperation is a gift, and in my recovery...

After my stroke, and on the day I medically retired, I sat crying on my front stoop feeling defeated. I thought, “What do I have left?” But then came the answer, “my voice.” I had lost my ability to speak during the stroke and regained it thanks to a clot-busting medication. Since then, I’ve felt this deep responsibility to use my voice, but not just with my podcast. In recovery, I also began expr...

T iming is everything , even in recovery. I’ve spent years in crisis mode, responding immediately, and maximizing productivity. But that urgency clashes with my healing. I’m learning to pause in stroke recovery, just like I do in sobriety. I’m an excitable person, and excitement triggers my vestibular symptoms. Instead of rushing to do whatever is right in front of me, I’m practicing awareness by...

Summer always gives me this feeling of freedom, like a whole season of celebration. But with that comes memories of drinking. Sitting in a kiddie pool with wine beside me, mowing the lawn with wine in a water bottle, going to the beach, and sitting at outdoor restaurants was all connected to alcohol. And even though I don’t crave it anymore, those memories still pop up when the season changes. The...

There’s a dangerous illusion that often precedes a relapse. It’s justification and deceptive confidence when we mistake abstinence for sobriety. Emotional sobriety goes far deeper than just staying dry. Showing up to sobriety meetings maintain my spiritual condition one day at a time. I’ve seen it play out both ways this week: one friend stopped going to meetings, while another returned humbled by...

Okay, so I’ve been listening to this book called Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe, and I decided I’m just going to try to believe in it. Like, let’s just go with it. It talks about how people who’ve passed on might send us little signs, totally random things to let us know they’re still around in some way. So, I picked a sign for someone I lost a long time ago, someone I never really gri...

Lately, fear and faith keep coming up everywhere. In my meetings, in my conversations, even in the books and podcasts I’ve been listening to. It’s like everything around me is pointing toward toward expanding my awareness, leaning into it, and being willing to explore what it actually means for me. I’ve been opening my heart and mind more than ever. I’m listening to the Bible, reading the Life Rec...