Recovery Daily Podcast

When I was little, I sucked at Hide and Go Seek. I trusted everybody and didn't know how to lie. As I grew, I learned to blame my brother for everything. And so it began, if something was wrong it was someone else's fault. I began learning how to play games with truth. They say when you start drinking you stop growing, but I was introduced to a new concept today. When I started drinking, I started...

After my stroke, it was like I stood with my pants on fire beside a pool of water wondering why my pants were on fire instead of jumping in. I spent two years post-stroke in denial, searching for someone to blame rather than accepting that my life would never be the same, and my career was over. I couldn’t begin again until I accepted this. It is often said that the definition of insanity is doing...

The most difficult lesson I learned when I was growing up is that people didn’t care about me as much as I cared about them. I was a very sensitive little girl. I learned how to get hard—build a shell around my gentle emotions. I cried a lot when I was little. It was painful to suture up and protect my emotional wounds. When I found alcohol, stuff didn’t hurt as bad, and I learned to isolate mysel...

I used to believe my anxiety was going to kill me. It was so debilitating that it felt like I would explode. In a moment of misguided confidence, I decided to stop taking my anxiety medication because I thought I was 'better.' But of course, I was 'better' because I was on the medication. Two weeks later, I unraveled. Alone in a silent, empty house during the middle of the workday, my emotions wer...

Ok, I had another epiphany today. When I got sober, I learned how to look at my character defects. Instead of letting them drive my behavior, I needed to shift my mindset to let humility drive my behavior.  I didn’t really know what that meant until I started living daily and noticing the scenarios where I would habitually have a fight or flight response. That response was my armor. I learned stay...

What other’s think about me is none of my business—easier said than done. The feeling that others are judging me starts with me judging myself. Judgement exists when I’m focused on the past or the future; It doesn’t live in the here and now.  This whole podcast thing can only exist if I focus on today and get vulnerable despite my experiences with judgement. Brené Brown’s quote that vulnerability...

I feel like some people just thrive in a permanent state of pissedoffness. I’m not one of those people. I’m more like the crying girl on ‘Mean Girls’ that says, “I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles, and everyone would eat and be happy.” Anger is dangerous for my disease. My sobriety program teaches me how to n...

When anyone tells me they have trust issues, I always respond with, “I will trust anyone until they give me a reason not to.” But I realized today that is just not true. There is a correlation between trust and truth, trust and willingness, trust and accepting help, trust and honesty, trust and empathy, and trust and our deep-rooted fears. I can trust someone with my life, yet still be unwilling t...

I wanted to work at NASA when I grew up. I also wanted to be an actress. I wanted to be rich and never have to worry about money. I left for college to be a math major because my math teacher in high school told me I’d never make it. One of my peers in class told me I should stick to punching numbers in a calculator because that’s what I do best.  The more criticisms I heard, the more I believed t...

Humor is the coming together of contradictions. My capacity for self-deception in my drinking days is something that today I can look back at and laugh. But it has taken years of healing to be able to see I was a walking paradox. The thing that I thought was helping me was deeply harming me.  In the same respect. I became really good at making excuses: “I’d love to BUT…”. I was a serious ‘BUT’ GAL...

Over the past week, I’ve been reminded of the importance of recognizing how deeply I want something—how far I’m willing to go to take care of myself. Yesterday, I faced a pivotal moment, one that required me to get uncomfortable and advocate for my own stroke recovery. Up until yesterday, I hadn’t felt assertive about prioritizing my well-being. I’m a people-pleaser, often ensuring everyone around...

'No' is a complete sentence. One of the first words we learn in life is 'No'. But doesn't it seem like we unlearn it as we learn how to empathize with other people. When I began to understand how 'No' might make somebody else feel I stopped using it so often. And as an adult it inhibits my ability to create healthy boundaries for myself. I understand that I don't owe anyone an explanation and that...

When I was little, I used to suck my thumb and clutch tightly onto a purple velvet pillow while I sunk into our mustard-colored couch. It was the 70’s! Eventually I would be told that it was time for me to stop sucking my thumb. I don't remember what I replaced that habit with to self-sooth. I am certain however, that I depended on the comfort of others to fix me on the inside.  Eventually I found...

Every so often I have a story time episode in my Recovery Daily Podcast. Today is a feel-good story you want to hear! On my way back home from walking Autumn yesterday, I was approached by woman in her 70s who’s English is her second language. She asked me where she can vote. I told her that it is conveniently at the elementary school right beside our houses. She said, “Come with me.” Without ques...

I had so much anxiety before sobriety that I could have powered the Town of Leesburg. I self-medicated with alcohol. It was the only thing that could release that pent up energy. It was like a rubber band twisting itself up until it was about to snap. I can remember that first drink on any given day caused an audible sigh of relief as the rubber band released. Early in sobriety, one of the first t...

My fear of facing the day without a drink evolved into a fear of leaving the house without a drink. That led to a fear of leaving my bedroom without a drink. Eventually I was afraid to get out of bed without a drink. And in the end, I was afraid to pull the blankets off my head because of my suffocating fear. This is the progression of my disease, and I wouldn't have survived much longer. Before t...

A mentor (you know who you are) once told me that when you allow space for silence it appears to others that you are being more thoughtful about your response. Many of us feel uncomfortable in silence among other people. Through years of practice, I’ve learned to use silence as a tool, whether it is in public speaking, in conversation, or when I’m alone. I had an epiphany today. I recognized that...

My daughter and I had the chance to go on a European vacation through a high school program about five years ago. Halfway through the trip, she looked at me and said, “You are the happiest person on this trip.” My response was, “Because I'm sober.” Without a wine glass glued to my hand, I feel a natural optimism—like my default outlook on life has a rosy tint. You know how a baby animal watches it...

If I didn’t have my sobriety, I’d have nothing. That’s why I prioritize it above all else. It might sound selfish, but I can’t truly show up for others unless I’m present and caring for myself first. I often say that we’re all recovering from something—grief, a broken heart, missed dreams, loss, or sickness. Life is hard. I used to drink to numb the pain until the drinking began feeding it. Throug...

When I wasn’t eating candy today, I was thinking about how since I got sober and since my stroke, I feel like I’m in one of those video games where the path beneath my feet materializes as I take each step forward in my life. I have no clue what I’m doing, but when I get still and quiet my constantly racing thoughts, I get inspired and more trusting in my newly unfolding path. Rather than sticking...

I decided at the beginning of this year to start a book club for Recovery Daily Podcast. The book club is cleverly called “Reads and Recovery". Each month, I choose a book that resonates with themes of recovery, self-discovery, and personal resilience. Each aims to inspire, challenge, and accompany us through healing. I used to joke with my friends that I was the only one in the book club, but app...

Today is a special day for my stroke recovery. I get to share my personal experience with stroke, raise awareness, and highlight the importance of prevention, treatment, and recovery support. In June 2021, I experienced an ischemic stroke that changed my life's trajectory. It impacted my vision, left me with chronic head pain, and made me rethink my approach to health, recovery, and life. Through...

Why must I envision my success as a destination in the future while others’ success is in the present tense? A topic that came up today is this idea of comparing our insides to other people’s outsides. When I thought more about it, I saw success as a place I’m trying to get to while I will never quite arrive, will I. I see in others what they choose to show the world, while I see in me all the sca...

For those of you who don't know, a lot of what I write is done through dictation. Something hilarious happened, I was dictating this post while Autumn, my Weimaraner, was standing beside me looking out the window. She growled with a pathetic winey voice, and Microsoft Word typed “ummmm.” 🤣 It's a wonder that I've gotten this far in my life running on self-will. The chatter in my head is so loud t...

I always felt that I was a selfless and thoughtful person, until I got sober. I was able to see how much better I could be as a human being among human beings. With open-mindedness I can see more clearly how to give rather than constantly thinking about what’s in it for me. I have so many experiences where I put my drinking above everything and everyone. I didn’t recognize the selfishness. It didn...