Love and Abuse

Every wonderful aspect of you can diminish when you are with a toxic person. They find ways to convince you that you are unworthy and unlovable so that you seek love and worth from them instead of looking anywhere else. It is a manipulative tactic they use to keep you down so that they can also be the hero to bring you up.

If you told a "normal" person they were being emotionally abusive, you'd think they'd back off and re-evaluate their behavior. After all, people who care about you don't want to hurt you. At least, that's the hope. Is there an easy way to convey to them that their hurtful words and actions are destroying the relationship so that they'll "get it" and treat you nicer?

Some people become highly defensive or offensive when they want to hide something from you, or lie to you, or don't want to be vulnerable with you, because it's too scary for them. No matter the reason, their behavior has a purpose and it's usually to divert your attention so that they don't have to reveal something that might make them feel out of control.

The two sides of emotional abuse are the perpetrator and the victim. Sometimes the victim can't tell if there's abusive behavior or just normal relationship difficulties. Sometimes the hurtful person needs to know what they're doing that's hurtful because they could have been doing it for so long, they don't realize how bad their behavior is. This is a packed episode that goes over the silent trea...

There's a point when there has been enough abusive behavior where you decide you're no longer going to stand for it and it's time to take the next right step for you. Don't accept bad behavior for so long that you convince yourself that it's never bad enough.

When you're around those who constantly put you down with hurtful words or threats that they'll never talk to you again or leave you forever, it can become the new normal. Those who try to make you feel like something bad will happen if you don't change into what they want you to be are hoping you don't catch on to their deception to keep you in a fear-based state forever.

If you've considered leaving an emotionally abusive person and feel guilty having those thoughts, you need to make sure your guilt is justified and not implanted or based on a false premise. When guilt seeps in, it can stop you from making decisions that are right for you. Decisions based on guilt can sometimes backfire, and you may find yourself back in the same situation you were before. Try not...

Sometimes in an emotionally abusive relationship, you have a big decision to make. That decision may be to leave, or perhaps you want to stand up and honor yourself. There are a number of decisions to make when you're in any type of relationship. Some of them harder than others. In this episode, I help you visualize what that looks like and how to get there. For the healing and assessment guide fo...

When a relationship is difficult, it's helpful to have an established baseline of acceptable behavior. If you don't know what is acceptable and what isn't, how can you possibly know if your relationship values are being violated?

Am I the abuser? It's a question I get a lot. In this episode, I want to make sure you're aware of reactive abuse and how you can be pushed to the limit and become what some may see as abusive. However, don't be fooled into thinking you are an abusive person if you were pushed to that limit by an abusive person. Everyone, even the most calm, passive people, has a limit. And almost everyone will br...

Sometimes it helps to know what to look for in your relationship and how a relationship is supposed to look when you just aren't happy or are dealing with a difficult partner. In this special episode, Grace with coachingbygrace.com interviews me on her podcast and asks several questions regarding emotional abuse, empowerment, and what a relationship is supposed to look like.

Months can seem like an eternity when you're in a toxic relationship, but what about years? Can you not only survive a relationship like that, but also thrive if you choose to leave it? Is it ever too late to leave an emotionally abusive situation?

Some hurtful behavior can have a secondary benefit to the person hurting you. Some behaviors can cause you to react in such a way that brings the hurtful person benefit. Because of that, they know how to get their needs simply by acting badly. If you want to know why you can never please someone, this episode might help you answer that question.

Emotional abuse has an insidious way of disintegrating the very core of who you are. It's a process that can turn you into a shell of your former self. You can rebuild, but to do so sooner than later will decrease the time it takes to recover a toxic relationship. Even if you are left empty inside, the moment the toxicity is out of your system is the same moment the healing starts.

A mom wrote to me and said that she is blaming herself for not doing the right job parenting her abusive son. Guilt is plaguing her and she wants to move forward. In this episode, I share what guilt and forgiveness are really about. Guilt is supposed to be a short term punishment and a prompt to take action, not a life sentence. https://vurbl.com/station/5KiVSz6NCQM/  

The very core of who you are is what can get compromised when you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. That's why many victims of emotional abuse say that they became a shell of their former self when they were exposed to it for too long. In order to stay as whole as you can, you need to remember who the most important person in your world is and protect that person at all costs.

You've tried talking with them, expressing your hurt or unhappiness, but they still don't seem to want to change their behavior. If you've done what you can, what is the next step? Emotionally abusive behavior is not something you should live with, but many do. It might be time to consider all your options.

There's a point of either intoleration or breakdown that you sometimes have to reach in order to finally make a decision that you need to make about a toxic relationship. When that moment comes, it can be scary. There can be a lot on the line. In this episode, I talk about what needs to happen in order for you to be in the right state of mind to make the big, scary decisions you might need to make...

Dealing with a manipulative and controlling relationship is bad enough, but what happens when the person doing the bad behavior is also dealing with addiction? What if the addiction is the reason for the emotionally abusive behavior? It's important to understand your role in an addict's life. Addiction exacerbates bad behavior. Some addicts don't do bad behavior when they're not participating in t...

One of the constants I've seen over and over again in emotionally abusive relationships is when the victim tries harder to please an unpleasable person. No matter what they do or how hard they try, the hurtful and unkind person will remind them in many ways that it's still not enough. For more episodes visit https://loveandabuse.com    

What is one of the most effective forms of emotional abuse? When the abusive person takes everything that empowers you away from you. All your tools and resources become their tools to use you and hurt you. When that happens, you feel like there's nothing left for you to do. This is an important episode. I hope you get a chance to tune in. For more episodes, visit https://loveandabuse.com/  

The first important point in a growing argument might be the most important one that gets glossed over. When that happens, the person trying to express what they're feeling or experiencing might feel invalidated. From that moment on, the point is lost and the conversation can spiral into anger and upset with no closure in sight. If that's happening to you, this episode may help you stop the glossi...

When you've been mistreated for so long, you may begin to feel less worthy of love and affection. You may start to believe that you don't deserve to be treated better than you are. You might actually start to believe that you deserve bad behavior. You deserve nothing less than love, kindness and respect. Visit https://loveandabuse.com/ for more episodes and The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation an...

There are times when you want to share what you learn on this show and others with an abusive person, but is it the right thing to do? This show articulates the behavior in a way that almost anyone can understand, but if the abusive person doesn't want to change or doesn't think they need to change, is sharing this show and other helpful material with them a good idea? I tackle that question today...

Those that do and say things to make you feel crazy want you to be in an eternal state of confusion. When you are confused, you are open to toxic injections of control and manipulation. A confused state causes you to be more suggestible. You want to get out of confusion as soon as possible so that they can't cause you harm. Crazymaking, or gaslighting, is one of the more insidious forms of emotion...