Love and Abuse

When someone wants to control who you see by giving you an ultimatum between them and "me", you might have a hard choice to make. Or, maybe it's an easy choice, but it might be hard to get there from here. 

You realize the relationship isn't going to work out and want to leave, but you're worried about being called a bad parent. Not only that, you are guaranteed to be called a bad parent by an abusive partner. Are you stuck in this relationship forever? 

Your heart is big. And your kindness and compassion, though amazing qualities, can also keep you in situations that are unhealthy for you. When you're afraid you're going to hurt someone by leaving them, there's a bigger picture to keep in mind. 

It's hard enough to be in a difficult relationship, but when your boundaries are shot, your adrenals are through the roof, and lots of years have passed, you might be wondering if this entire relationship was a giant waste of time, thinking about all the things you could have or should have done instead. 

It can be hard to be in an emotionally abusive relationship. The challenge is real! But what about leaving one? It might be just as hard or harder because of the unknown of what happens next. 

A trauma bond is like being addicted to both the highs and lows, just waiting for your next fix. It's not impossible to break a trauma bond, but it can be hard as hell. 

Can the victim of emotional abuse accept the former abuser as a friend after a lot of time has passed? I received this question from someone who used to be emotionally abusive, feels awful about it, but has been out of that relationship for years. Then she met up with her ex again, and things are different, but not in the way she expected. 

You're watching your child mirror a narcissistic parent and it feels like you're losing ground. Arguing with the lies they're being told feels pointless, but asking the right questions might just be what helps you keep your connection to your children, helping them choose empathy over manipulation.

How much mistreatment is too much? When your boundaries are violated over and over again, there will be a point where you have none and the sky will be the limit on someone else's hurtful and controlling behaviors. 

There's got to be a reason someone becomes abusive, right? All abusers abused as children... is that it? Maybe it's a mental health issue. Maybe it's none, some, or all of the above. Or maybe it's something else. 

They've changed! They've really seemed to change. They seem like a new person so you take them back. Then you find out they were just playing the long game. Emotionally abusive people can heal if they want to. Those who don't may just come back to fool you again. 

Sometimes both people in the relationship are hurtful, controlling and manipulative. When that's the case, it's going to take more than one person stopping the behaviors, and that presents a few challenges in itself. 

A unique episode about the superiority complex that drives mysogny in abusive relationships, why abusive people target those they perceive as weaker, and how their insecurity fuels the need to control and dominate.  

You can't fix what's unwilling to be fixed. And when someone would rather you and the relationship suffer and crumble than work on improving themselves, you might have only one choice left. 

If you feel trapped in a maze of emotional manipulation, hoping for a change that never comes, you might realize you've signed up for something you didn't expect and certainly don't want. There's a history lesson in this episode that may give you all you need to know for what the future holds for your relationship. 

Some people seem to care but then do awful things. When they do, it's hard not to question if they love you at all. 

Sometimes emotionally abusive people heal and change. Sometimes they just... change. Either way, when the victim of their behavior gets a "break", they might discover a lot of buried emotions that are just itching to come out. 

I've seen emotionally abusive people heal and become completely different people. You wouldn't even recognize them! And when you no longer recognize the person who's hurt you over and over again, that might be a very good thing. 

When you've decided to leave the emotionally abusive relationship, when is the best time to bring it up? During the storm or the calm? 

Some behaviors are unacceptable. Some people are unacceptable. Just what should you accept and what should you do when you can't? Emotional abuse has a tendency to make you feel completely powerless, unable to make such decisions. 

Some relationships end but continue leaving destruction in their wake. Some don't end and you suffer through the daily drip-feeding of emotionally abusive behaviors until you lose your sanity. When there's no way away from all the toxicity, what can you do? 

Calling a duck a duck makes sense. But this logic works against you in the emotionally abusive relationship. Calling out an abusive person for who they are might just turn the whole thing around on you. 

Every relationship should have stopping points when you feel yourself slipping away. Emotional abuse operates as a slow drip-feeding of toxic behaviors that gradually erode boundaries.

The endless monologue of some emotionally abusive people is a tactic that keeps you silent and submissive. It's designed to wear you down until you finally give in. 

Some emotionally abusive people do heal. And once they do, they might feel the relationship will be great from that point on. What they don't consider is that the victim of their abusive behavior is only starting their healing process.