Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom

All people who have lost a close family member will likely have experienced working with a funeral director in those first hours and days after the death. For people who die older or after a prolonged illness, they may have met with a funeral director ahead of time and even made plans. For those of us experiencing a sudden loss, however, we suddenly are met by an absolute stranger who is taxed wit...

The days after Andy's death were such a blur to me. Information came at me from all directions. In those days leading up to what should have been his first day of high school, we instead found ourselves in a funeral home, picking out a casket and a cemetery plot. I feel like much of the information that was shared with me I could not even absorb. Our funeral director was truly amazing and such a b...

Until June 6, 2002, Dave and Sue Brannon had a life that many would envy. They had four beautiful children, a happy marriage, and a life that felt blessed by God. Sue worked as a nurse, and Dave was a successful author of numerous books. Dave wrote in the introduction of his book, Beyond the Valley: 'We loved the stuffing out of life. Not that every day was always easy and full of smiles and laugh...

Living through the death of one's own child under any circumstances is certainly thought to be one of the most difficult events anyone could experience. Every person's journey is hard, but some things can make it even more challenging. When the griever is in the public eye, it must be even worse. Every action, every tear is analyzed and evaluated. How difficult it must be to go on when so many peo...

'I'm sorry. Despite our best efforts, we were unable to save your son.' These words will sit with me for the rest of my life. I will never forget them, will never forget the regret and sadness in that paramedic's voice. What a horrible thing for him to have to share with us. Earlier, he was likely one of the people who took over for my husband as he was trying to resuscitate Andy. Without a doubt,...

Shame. Guilt. Fear of Judgment. Anger. These are just some of the additional emotions that today's guest, Lisa, felt after the accidental overdose death of her son, Jordan, eleven years ago. As my listeners all know, the death of one's child is likely the most difficult thing any of us will ever experience. No two deaths or experiences are the same, certainly, but when the death is a direct result...

Birthdays, holidays and anniversaries are all incredibly difficult to live through after the death of your child. We dread them. We count the days until those days arrive trying to figure out what exactly to do on that day. Is it small and private? Do we invite friends and family to join us? What is the best decision? I recently talked to a good friend of mine who was honoring the two year anniver...

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about the fact that I live in a grieving home, and I am continuing to raise my children in a grieving home and that there is nothing that I can do to change that. It is just not the same place that it was two years ago. Don't get me wrong - we still laugh have fun together, but the grief is always there. The tears are just around the corner, and I feel like my...

I will never forget the subject line of the email sent by today's guest, Charne, a few weeks ago. It simply read, 'Lightning Struck Twice.' Charne's journey with grief started 8 years ago when her youngest daughter died from a freak accident while home in South Africa. That is obviously a horrible experience for any parent to experience, but then, two months ago, her oldest son died in a car accid...

Honestly, today's interview was a sort of scary prospect for me. I don't like thinking too far into the future. Ten years, twenty years, thirty years, even the idea of having that much time without Andy in my life and as an active part of our family is too hard to think about. I am having enough trouble with the thought that almost two years have already passed.  That's why talking to Adam's mom,...

The words 'grief' and 'improv' are certainly ones that do not naturally seem to go together. When I think of grief, I think of extreme sadness. I might also think of guilt, anger or numerous other negative emotions. Rarely, if ever, would I think about someone laughing. Today's guest, however, says that tears and laughter are often much closer to each other than they appear to be. They are the two...

One day, almost 3 year old, red-headed Rory was outside playing while on a family vacation to Florida. She suddenly fell to the ground and cried out. Rory's mom, Mary, ran up to her and found that her entire left side was paralyzed. Mary frantically had her mom call 911 to get help. This was the first day of a journey that included hospital stays in two different states and a diagnosis of a rare,...

Strength and courage are two very powerful words. Those words conjure up images in my mind of a person physically strong and without fear, perhaps a member of the military, a firefighter,  or someone else who shows bravery in the face of danger. Rarely, if ever, would a picture of a bereaved person come to mind. When I think of myself, a bereaved parent, I tend to think of myself as weak and in gr...

When I sat down to plan my summer podcast schedule, July 2nd stood out to me right away. July 2, 2017 was the day that Stephanie's daughter Keyan died. Although I never met Keyan in life, in my mind, July 2nd is Keyan's day and it just did not feel 'right' to talk about anyone else on that day. I reached out to Keyan's mom, Stephanie, and she agreed to come on the show a second time. I met Keyan's...

On the night 7 year old Johnny was diagnosed with a brain tumor, his mom asked him if he was scared. He said that he was and went on to say that he was afraid that he would die. Johnny's mom tearfully held him close and told him that God desires to take the little and make it amazing. She then proceeded to open her Bible and tell Johnny the story of Gideon. After hearing that story, Johnny decided...

Sometimes I end an interview just feeling better - better about myself, better about God and better about life in general. Today is one of those days and one of those interviews. The first thing a noticed when I started talking to Hadley, the mother of Dobbs and Reed, via Zoom, was a wooden sign sitting on a table behind her. I could not read the entire sign, but knew in a moment that in it were t...

Winter   Burgundy bushes Forest green pines Pale blue spruce white, white snow shadows bruised from winters tussles Oak leaves, stubbornly refusing to let go; Clinging like a shriveled cluster of dried raisins Green, green moss on textured trees Branches reaching up and out, each finger clearly seen   Under all of this you lie Quiet now in true repose I cannot bear to think of you here…gone by now...

Haddie was a happy, bright-eyed, inquisitive baby. Her smile would light up a room. She was more quiet than her older sister, described by her mom as reserved and laid back. Even at a young age, she seemed to value relationships and enjoy one-on-one time instead of group situations. Her parents were completely devastated when they lost her at almost 10 months of age. Haddie died from an unsafe sle...

What is lament and what does it mean to experience lament? After Andy died, I would find myself on the floor in his room sobbing uncontrollably. Sometimes, I was almost afraid that I might not ever be able to stop crying. I feared that I would just stay in that room on the floor and not be able to get up again. It was scary - scary to me and I'm quite sure scary to others as well. I had just calle...

Today, I have the honor to introduce my listeners to my good friend, Willow's mom. I know her as Megan, but she shared that to so many people from 2012-2018, Megan was simply known as Willow's mom. She spent her life caring for her daughter, and that was really a major part of her identity. Although Willow was non-verbal, Megan says she could speak volumes with her eyes. She had a great sense of h...

Recently, I feel like my grief journey has been harder rather than easier. It is difficult to know why that is the case. Is it because it has now been almost two years since Andy died? Others have warned me of that difficult milestone. Is it due to that fact that spring has arrived with its promise of trees, flowers and new life while my heart is still feeling such sadness and death? Is it the soc...

Today, I have the privilege to talk with Roni Lambrecht, the delightful, award-winning author of the book, Parenting at Your Best Without Regrets . She lost her only child, 15 year old Dalton, in an ATV accident 6 years ago. She talks about Dalton, the amazing relationship the two of them had, and what life has been like for her and her husband after Dalton's death.  In the months and years after...

Upon opening Aria's mom's website, meganhillukka.com , the very first words read, 'One day, I was the mother of 3 children, then in one moment I wasn't.' Aria was 15 months old when her mother, Megan, walked into her bedroom one morning to find that she had inexplicably passed away in her sleep. Those opening words caught me the second I read them. I, too, knew that moment, the moment that changed...

On today's episode, I have the privilege to talk with Rezarta, Leart's mom. Leart died just this past November on the 21st from complications following a kidney transplant. He was born with Schimke Immune-Osseous Dysplasia which is a type of dwarfism that also includes immune deficiency and kidney disease. Leart was almost 8 years old when he died, but certainly seemed wise beyond his years. You w...

Ryan was almost 7 years old and on a typical father/son bike ride with his dad, Andy, when he was hit by a truck and killed while crossing the street during a green walk signal. Andy, a firefighter, desperately tried to save his son as his coworkers raced to the scene. They were unable to save Ryan that evening 10 months ago. Ryan's parents, Stacie and Andy talk with me today about that night and...