Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom

Tatum was 13 months old when he died early Christmas morning just over three months ago. Much of Tatum's short life was spent in the hospital due to complications of biliary atresia, a rare congenital disorder of the liver and biliary system that leads to liver failure. At 6 months of age, it was determined that Tatum would need a liver transplant to survive. The last few months of Tatum's life we...

After a week off due to the COVID pandemic and the stresses surrounding it, I decided to restart the podcast. I tried stuffing my grief down deep into myself, feeling like it was not important enough to give any attention to during these trying times, but that is not a successful approach. Grief does not go away when you ignore it; in fact, for me, it builds up and makes me feel even worse. I imag...

Today on Always Andy's Mom, I talk with Shan, whose first-born son, Max, died at 15 months of age from Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy. Max was a healthy, growing boy until having his first seizure at 8 months of age. Over the next few months, they adjusted medications and appeared to have his seizures under good control. Then, suddenly, Max did not wake up from his nap one day. Shan and her...

Music. It carries such emotion for me and so many others. I remember thinking even at a young age that Andy 'felt' music. When all three kids would be practicing the piano, I could always tell when it was Andy's turn. He certainly wasn't the best at playing all of the correct notes, but when he played, it truly sounded like 'music' and not just notes on the piano. Once, while at a Trans Siberian O...

In today's episode of Always Andy's Mom, we go international for the first time. My guest is Eddie's mum, Jennifer from the UK. Jennifer reached out to me over Twitter last month. It is her goal, as well as mine, to help change society by removing the stigma of talking about child and infant death. We, as grievers, need support from everyone around us and only by spreading the message far and wide...

Episode 25. It is sort of hard to believe that I have met this milestone. Overall, I know that I just started publishing episodes 5 short months ago, but what has been accomplished actually blows me away. I now have listeners and guests from across the country and even in other parts of the world. Even more important, is the impact of the show on the lives of grieving parents. Every week, people s...

Tommy was a joyful 2 year old with a contagious belly laugh. He always raced around the house and neighborhood chasing after his two older brothers (ages 4 and 5) trying to keep up. His mom, Meredith, shared in today's episode what their family of six was like leading up to Tommy's death. They were in what she describes as 'a beautiful season in life.' They had completed their family and had just...

Today's episode of Always Andy's Mom is, for me, one of the most emotional episodes I have had to date. Connor's mom, Nan, describes him in a way that reminds me of Andy. He was the middle child of three, all born two years apart with extremely close relationships with his siblings. The bond between Connor and his mother was also very similar to my relationship with Andy. My husband and I always l...

Today, I talk with Tara, Alec's mom, whose story is actually more similar to mine when compared to any of my guests so far. Alec, like Andy, was an energetic, emotional, full-of-life middle school boy who died as an 8th grader (although Andy was only 5 days from 9th grade). Alec was an extremely athletic kid who thoroughly enjoyed his one mile walk to the middle school each day. Never in a million...

Today on Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom, I have the pleasure to speak with Dustan's Dad, Jason Colyer. Dustan was a very special young man who accomplished much during his short life of 23 years. He and a few of his high school friends started an organization called DC Strong , a charitable organization that works to help kids who are battling childhood cancer. They provide care packages for pe...

'I think I'm going crazy. I'm going crazy. I am definitely going crazy!'  These are the thoughts that would go through my head starting several weeks after Andy's death and peaking about 6 months afterward. Now, thankfully, these weren't actual voices that I was hearing, but that voice in my head, the one that used to motivate me to try something hard, was now always negative. I think that I used...

Today, as I publish this episode, Crissy's beloved son, Caleb, has been gone for 150 days, having died by suicide last year on August 12th. Undoubtedly, these has been the longest, worst days of Crissy's life, of her whole family's life. I didn't even know whether to ask her to share when her grief was still fresh and raw, but she really wanted to tell her story for two reasons. First of all, she...

'Happy New Year' is a phrase that has been said a lot over the past day and a half all over the world. I used to throw that phrase around, too, along with 'Happy Holidays' and 'Merry Christmas.' Nowadays, I don't say those phrases nearly as often. In fact, I think that only time I wished anyone a happy new year was when I said it almost in jest to Eric when recording this podcast. I am so thankful...

To be honest, last Tuesday when I was scheduled to meet with other grieving mothers to record this episode, I was not feeling very hopeful at all. As I share in the episode, the days prior to this had been filled with many tears. Although I had tried to do my best to prepare for the holiday season, I felt like I was failing. I had been doing my best to follow Gwen's recommendations that she discus...

Until a few weeks ago, I had never heard of the term, reiki. I noticed that I was being followed by a woman on Twitter, @GriefReiki. I began following her back and noticed that she and I would often post things that were very similar. She would retweet something and I would as well. As this continued to occur, I thought that maybe I should look into her a bit more and try to find out what 'reiki'...

On today's episode of Losing a Chid: Always Andy's Mom, I talk with Alexander's Mom, Nancy. She is one amazing lady with an amazing sense of humor. I have to apologize right away for the length of the episode. I usually try to keep episodes just under an hour, but this one goes fifteen minutes past my normal limit! As much as I tried to edit it down further, I just couldn't do it. Believe it of no...

Today is Thanksgiving Day here in the United States, a day in which we are supposed to feel grateful and thankful for all that we have. For a grieving parent, feeling thankful seems like a foreign concept, a distant memory. After Andy's death, those grateful feelings are slower to come. They can still be there, but they are buried under the heaviness of grief. Although everyone thinks about being...

On today's episode of Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom, I talk to Camilo's dad, Doug Van Doren. Since recording the first episode with my husband Eric, I have only spoken with women, so it was nice to get another dad's perspective. We discuss the societal differences in how men and women are expected to grieve. Although all parents experience feelings of helplessness after the death of their chil...

On today's episode, Gwen and I discuss the struggles of getting through the holidays with a heart that is grieving and broken. Grieving is hard work with days that are good and other days that are terrible. Triggers come. Sometimes the triggers are out of the blue and sometimes they are expected. Family gatherings and holiday traditions are so difficult after the death of a loved one in your famil...

On today's episode, I talk with Michele Shedd, Nathan's mom. Michele knew from her 20 week ultrasound that her infant son had a condition that would not allow him to live more than a few hours at most. Despite this fact, she and her husband made the difficult decision to continue on with the pregnancy even though there was an increased risk to her health. She said that she felt her mothering insti...

On this the last day of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, I have a guest who understands this loss in ways that most people never will. Jessica Tosh lost her infant son, James, after just 2 months of life. Young James was never able to leave the hospital, but Jessica has been working to use her tremendous love for James in ways that spread that love to others. At Jessica's 20 week ultraso...

On this episode of Losing A Child: Always Andy's Mom, I talk with Brooke's mom, Judy Breen. Unlike most of my previous guests, Judy's daughter, Brooke, died as an adult in her 30's. She was married with three children of her own. I admit that initially I felt jealous of Judy and other parents who lost their children when they were grown and out of the house, but I now realize that this comes with...

Kim Harm's 19 year old son, Eric, looked like he had everything going for him. He was a smart, talented jazz pianist who had just finished his first semester at Columbia University. He had been elected to the student council, was getting excellent grades and had a girlfriend he adored. Two weeks into the second semester, his girlfriend broke up with him, and 45 minutes later, he died by suicide. ...

On today's episode, I speak with my dear friend, Michele Thorson. Michele and I became friends shortly after I moved to Grand Rapids, 15 years ago. Michele's mother had recently died and my mother had died about 10 years prior to that so I was able to offer some comfort to her in her grief, and she was able to offer friendship in a place where I knew no one. Fairly quickly into our friendship, we...

In today's episode, I speak with Jack's mom, Anna Whiston-Donaldson. Jack died in 2011 at the age of 12 in a freak flash flood while playing at a neighbor's house. Anna had (and still has) a very popular blog post at the time entitled An Inch of Gray. After Jack's death, the family's whole world was turned up-side-down. As we all know, each family member had to find different ways to try to cope w...