Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom

When someone asks you how you are doing, what is your response? I know that for most people, even bereaved people, the quick answer is, "Fine." (I learned today a great acronym for FINE - Feelings I'm Not Expressing.) Inwardly, we may wonder, 'Do you really want to know or are you just making polite conversation?' We don't want to open ourselves up to the many people who would truly be uncomfortab...

We have spoken many times over the past two years about the fact that there is no 'right way' to grieve and that different people grieve in very different ways, even if they are grieving the same person in the same family. Archie and Elina are great examples of this very point. From the first days after Garret died in a tragic car accident just over a year ago now, their grief journeys looked very...

Live in the moment. When Joni's son, Martin, was dying from cancer at the age of 18, the family asked him if he had any words of advice for his newborn baby sister. His answer, "Live in the moment." Those four simple words pack a lot of punch when you really think about them. They remind us to appreciate each and every day. Don't worry about what might happen or what you might be missing. Just enj...

Emmy's Mom, Erin, knew her daughter was going to be a special girl from the moment she was born. Emily (known by her family as Emmy) was born on 8/03/03 at 3:08pm weighing 8 lbs 3oz in labor room 308. She quickly became the talk of the entire labor and delivery floor. Everyone wanted to meet the girl with all of the 3's and 8's.  Emmy's special nature had only just begun in that labor room. For th...

Today's guest, Laura, loves sharing the story of her son, Luke, and his amazing teen faith in God. Throughout all of his struggles with cancer, he never lost that faith. Luke always lived with an eternal perspective. He was an inspiration to so many people, including his own mother. In the days before Luke's death, the one thing he wanted to do before he died was to be on a work crew at a Young Li...

This episode of the Always Andy's Mom podcast focuses on relationships and loss. Today, I have the privilege to speak with two guests mourning the loss of two special people in their lives. Just over one year ago, Nicholas (Nico) and his 4 year old son, Julian (Juju), were killed in a car accident when they went out for a quick trip to get ice cream. In a moment, the lives of the two women who lov...

Two years ago, when I started the Always Andy's Mom podcast, I never could have imagined getting to episode 100. I remember Eric saving the first episode on the computer which he named 'Episode 001.' I thought it was ridiculous that he would put three digits. I never expected that first digit would ever be anything other than a zero, but here we are. As of this moment, the podcast has over 72,000...

Unlike all of my previous guests, when Miles' mom, Kate, first contacted me in January of this year, her sweet, almost 1 year old son, was still alive. They had just taken Miles home to die after learning that his cancer had spread to the point where treatment could no longer be effective. Kate and her husband were grasping at anything, trying to prepare themselves for his death, perhaps trying to...

Over the past almost two years, I have interviewed dozens of bereaved parents. I have learned something from each and every one of them. All of them have done something they never thought possible after the deaths of their children. Some of these things are big, like starting a foundation or organization to help others and keep the memories of their children alive. Some have done smaller, quieter...

Imagine for just a moment that you are on a long-planned 'girls trip' to Las Vegas for a fun weekend with 10 of your closest friends from college. It is a time you've been looking forward to for weeks, planned and re-planned, coordinating everyone's individual schedules to fly across the country and arrive at about the same time. Imagine now, that you wake up in your hotel room early that first mo...

Marcie's son, Michael's, motto for life was as follows: 'The purpose of life is to help others through it.' Michael lived that motto every single day of his 27 years. After suffering through cancer as a child, he knew hospitals. Michael knew that hospitals were boring places for children and that overall, kids and families don't want to be there.  After Michael received a precious, rare 'goodie ba...

Grief Dreams. What are they? What do they mean? Is it normal to have a grief dream? Is it normal not to dream of the deceased? These are questions that Dr. Joshua Black has been studying for  years now. Ever since he had a dream about his father several months after he had suddenly died, Joshua was curious about how these dreams affect people.  For Joshua, that dream brought him a sense of peace....

How can two girls who never met, had very little in common and who died 5 years apart bring two people together in friendship? Daisy was a girl with a never-ending smile and a head covered with blonde curls. She was born with microcephaly and had medical challenges throughout her entire four years of life. Daisy brought her mother, Paula, so much joy in her life. It would be putting it mildly to s...

How do you go on when your whole world quite literally blows up in a second? When Shawn Maguire woke up one morning last September to make himself a cup of coffee while his wife and two children slept, he never could have imagined that pushing a button on a coffee maker would cause a massive explosion. That explosion completely flattened his house and instantly killed Berklee, his 14 year old daug...

For today's guest, Demetra, life changed the day her daughter was diagnosed with a rare condition called HHT (Hereditary Hemorrhagic Telangiectasia) at 7 years of age. Although many people live a long, happy life with this condition, Eleni's disease affected her lungs making running, playing and growing like a 'normal' child impossible. What Eleni lacked in physical ability, however, she made up f...

After her 16 year old son, Christian was killed in a car accident three years ago, Valerie was understandably devastated. She, like so many of us, felt completely crushed. She longed to find people and a place to give her hope. Shortly after the accident, she found a grief support group at a local church and decided to attend. Unfortunately, though, she did not find hope in that place - she found...

When Andy first died, I didn't want anything good to come from his death. I selfishly wanted everything about it to be 100% horrible. I didn't want there to be a silver lining. Perhaps that is why it annoyed me so much when people tried to cheer me up in some way, telling me that he was in a better place or that it was all part of God's plan. 'Well, God's plan stinks," I would reply (either in my...

Dads are somewhat overlooked in the deaths of children in general, but this is especially true for stillborn deaths. Joseph's dad never got to meet his baby, Joseph, when he was alive. One day, when Lou's wife, Francine, was 30 weeks pregnant with their first child, he stopped moving. He had died and there was nothing that could be done about it. Instead of getting time to mourn in those first hou...

Easton's Mom, Alexandria, says that her young son, Easton saved her life not once, but twice. Theirs is a beautiful love story not unlike many mother-son love stories, but this one taught the mother even more than it did the son. It taught her what true unconditional love was like and helped her realize that she was worthy of both giving and receiving this type of deep love. Easton lived only 4 1/...

'For some people, it takes 70 years for them to make an impact on the world; for Bryson, it took just 7.' - Amanda, Bryson's Mom Over the past 20 months, I have heard about many amazing children through their powerful stories. None, however, affected me in quite the way that Amanda's story of Bryson did. Perhaps it is because he was a 27 week premie and it reminded me of days caring for tiny premi...

A butterfly lights beside us like a sun beam, and for one brief moment its glory and beauty belongs to our world. But then it flies on again, and although we wish it could have stayed, we are thankful to have seen it all.   This is the inscription written on Renee's daughter, Carly's headstone. She was a bright light for her family and for the whole world. She was a smart, funny, beautiful girl wi...

Pregnancy with your first baby should be a fun, exciting time. For Farhana, unfortunately, this fun time lasted for only the first 22 weeks. It was at that ultrasound when Farhana's life was forever changed. She and her husband discovered that their firstborn daughter had a congenital heart defect. Eesha, though, was a fighter, spunky and stubborn from the beginning. That fight served her well thr...

Grieving the death of your child is horrific, but grieving it publicly is even worse. When Ivan died in his fraternity room while he was away at college, his mom, Velvet, desperately wanted to know what happened to him. His own sister learned of his death by people who saw the local news. Soon Ivan's death grew and made national news. He was young, healthy, good-looking, and attended a well know u...

At first glance, Kelly's life seems incredibly scary after losing two of her four kids to tragic accidents eleven years apart. You may even think that you wouldn't want to hear her tragic story, but to me and many others, Kelly is an absolute inspiration. I know that when others see Kelly, they must think, 'Wow! Look at Kelly. She's lost two kids and she can still smile. She can still help me. May...

Siblings are often referred to as 'the forgotten mourners.' People worry about the parents of a young person who dies. They worry about the spouse and children of an adult who dies. The siblings, however, never get the focus. 'How are your parents?' people say, 'How is his wife? How are his kids?' They are not often asked the question, 'How are you?' Siblings grieve, too. They have a special bond...