Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom

Tenacious. When listening to today's guest, Nancy, talk about her precious daughter, Jessica, the word that immediately comes to my mind is tenacious. No matter what life threw her way, Jessica continued to fight and even thrive. Despite being born with congenital heart disease requiring multiple surgeries resulting in many complications, she just kept going. Jessica loved life and would talk and...

When I started the Always Andy's Mom podcast, the story was picked up by local TV stations. I remember one particular interview on my family room sofa. I was brought to tears several times, but managed to relay to her my goal of trying to bring a bit of hope and healing to grieving parents. When we finished the interview, she actually gave me a hug. I remember her saying, "I feel like you are goin...

A few month's after the death of Debra's 6 year old son, Aven, she had a friend point out something that she had never noticed before. Her friend said, "You know, you can't spell heaven without aven." Debra and her family had never noticed that before. They named their son, Aven, after a dear grandmother named Neva. It was special to them, but they certainly had never noticed a connection to heave...

Sometimes when you meet someone, you just click and a friendship forms immediately. I had that sudden feeling of friendship from the first email that I received from today's guest, Amanda. I don't want to give away too many details because I want you all to listen, but I feel like meeting Hudson's mom, Amanda, was somehow divinely orchestrated from above. After the death of their son, Hudson (affe...

Shortly after recording today's episode, I received an email from today's guest, Shirlene. I want to share part of that email with all of you - 'I was giving blood today and my "Krissy" tattoo was in full view … the phlebotomist asked me about Krissy and she shared that her sister had died from sepsis too… we shared some thoughts, words, and tears….but then she said to me…, "may I ask what your fa...

I have a distinct memory of a promise made on the night that Andy died when our broken, little family stayed together in Peter's hospital room. Eric and I could not sleep so we went out in a little area that overlooked the city of Grand Rapids. Eric said these words to me that night, "This will not break us." I immediately knew what he meant. No matter how hard the upcoming days, months, and even...

When I started thinking about what to write about for today's guests, Traci and Michelle, a song immediately came into my head. Perhaps it is because both of these women describe their children as 'old souls', but an old song came to mind. The song is, 'You've Got a Friend,' as sung by James Taylor originally recorded in 1971. The lyrics start:   When you're down and troubled and you need a helpin...

Shortly after her son Ray died in 2001, Darla's neighbor, Kay, walked up to Darla's front step. Kay told Darla that she recognized Darla's pain because she, too, had lost her son at the age of 10. When Darla asked her how long ago her son had died, Kay's answer stuck with her forever. Kay said, "1968. Yesterday. An hour ago."  When Darla's two children were born with cystic fibrosis, she lived wit...

Today's guest, Karen, says that in today's society, we all suffer from a lack of 'loss intelligence'. We are taught so many things in our lives, both intellectually and emotionally. We are taught how to love others and even how to love ourselves. One thing that is often ignored, however, is how to handle loss in our lives. In her newest book, Demystifying Loss , Karen describes more than 40 types...

I have a confession to make. I have been lying to you all for almost two and a half years now. In my defense, I did not know that I was lying so I guess maybe technically, it is not a lie, but I do need to apologize regardless. I have said from the very first Always Andy's Mom podcast episode that when I looked for a podcast specifically for grieving parents back in May 2019, there were none out t...

Courageous. Brave. Strong. These are words that people often use to describe those of us who are bereaved parents. 'You're so strong! I could never do what you are able to do!' Statements like this actually irritate me somewhat. I am not courageous or brave or strong. I am weak and I want and need help from others every single day. This is not something that I even want to be strong enough to do o...

Support from other grieving people can play such an integral role in our grief journeys. Being able to talk with people who 'get it' can bring us comfort. Witnessing those who are just a little further along in their grief story can inspire us to know that it is possible to not only live after loss, but to experience bits of joy in that life as well. As a part of the wrap-up to the Christmas seaso...

What do yellow irises, a winter planter and a $10 bill have in common? They are all parts of amazing stories in today's podcast. The holidays are an especially difficult time to be grieving. It seems that everyone around you is happy. Their smiling faces often make our pain feel even more raw. Happiness seems so distant. Two years ago, shortly after starting the podcast, as Christmas arrived, I fe...

When today's guest, Dana, lost her son Brogan in a freak accident at the young age of 10, people watching her from the outside might have thought that she would be able to handle it a bit 'easier' that other parents. You see, Dana is a pediatric oncology nurse in a children's hospital who has cared for dying children for her entire career. She has been the one to hug a newly bereaved family who lo...

On the day that Marie's husband, Rob, died suddenly of a brain aneurysm, Marie's young son asked her a question through his tears, "Who will take care of us now?" Marie's answer was quick and definite. "I will. I will take care of us." At the time, she did not realize just how important it was to say that sentence out loud to her boys, but it was crucial. She made a decision in that moment. It was...

From the first moments after baby Emilia was born, things did not go according to plan. The birth plan that was so carefully written, went completely out of the window when Emilia had trouble breathing. She was quickly diagnosed with a diaphragmatic hernia. Later, it was found that she had a mild heart defect as well. Although Emilia battled breathing problems and feeding problems, she seemed to d...

"Grief is not an emotion; it is an experience." These are wise words from today's guest, words that I want to spread far and wide to anyone who will listen. Grief is not a feeling like happiness, sadness, anger or worry. I don't say to someone, 'I am feeling grief today.' I feel grief every day. It just looks different depending on which of the countless number of grief emotions that I might be fe...

It is heard both in song and in general conversation that this is 'the most wonderful time of the year.' For those of us who are grieving, however, nothing can be further from the truth. We often approach this holiday season with feelings of dread, rather than excitement. We fear that our loved ones will not understand the pain that the holiday season brings. We feel pressure to do more than we ar...

Eight months ago, today's guest, Erin, got an unthinkable call while she and her husband had gone away for a weekend getaway - their previously healthy 14 month old daughter hadn't woken up that morning. She remembers the day vividly, the thoughts, the feelings. 'I remember being in such disbelief. What happened? She's healthy. She's never been sick.' Erin was right. Stevie was completely healthy....

I can honestly say that I enjoy talking to every single guest I have on the podcast. Every story is unique and special, and I always learn something, whether big or small. Many of my guests are inspiring and make me feel just a little bit better about this world. A few guests though, are inspirational to the point that meeting them and talking to them for just an hour changes me and my entire life...

When Liene's only child, Davids was killed at the age of 7, she didn't know how she and her husband would survive. Davids was their only child - their joy, full of life and energy. Suddenly, while riding his bike at the park, that life came to an end. When looking back at that time in her life now seven years ago, she credits getting through it by making one little decision at a time. The first de...

Like many young boys, Luc loved sports. He loved playing soccer and baseball and like every good Canadian boy, Luc loved hockey. His mom, Lianne, says that she thinks what he really loved was being part of a team. He didn't enjoy having the spotlight himself, but he loved being a part of a team in which everyone had fun and shared the spotlight.  When Luc was diagnosed with leukemia at the age of...

Today's guest, Hans, says he 'prides himself on being a father first and foremost, cherishing every moment of his fatherhood journey.' Before bed each night, his children beg for their dad to make up another silly story to tell them. The stories are always fun and fantastical, including things like dragons, race cars and unicorns. His youngest daughter, Aviva, was not yet one year old and was just...

Parenting can never be described as easy, but parenting when your family is suffering after the death of a child is beyond difficult. Grief is everywhere, surrounding the family in all that they do. Simple tasks are suddenly not at all simple. In many ways, just getting up every day to get through the day is a huge accomplishment. Adding on the task of trying to raise children and guide them throu...

Nine years ago, when 6 week-old Corey was admitted to the hospital for generalized weakness, everyone assumed that he had some sort of infection. His mother, Stephanie, thought that he would get some medication, maybe some IV fluids and then she would be able to take her little boy home again. On the third day of his hospitalization, however, Stephanie overheard a few residents talking. She heard...