Choose To Be with Choose Recovery Services; Betrayal Trauma Healing

In todays Episode we welcome one of our amazing coaches Hali Roderick who is addressing the aspect of recovery when there has been an affair in the marriage, but no pornography. Many women are navigating this aspect of betrayal and often find it hard to feel supported and not sure how to heal from this kind of betrayal. Join us today and Hali shares key point to help you navigate your journey to f...

Today Amie has an exciting announcement for an additional resource for those of you who are needing help navigating divorce after betrayal trauma. So tune in and listen to what she has been up to! She also offers powerful thoughts around accessing your own empowerment and what that looks like, and how supporting each other as women is something she wants more of. No matter where you are at in your...

Join Amie who is with therapist Kimberly Day as Kim announces the launch of her new website SAFE SPACE for those who are experiencing destructive elements in their relationships.  It can be overwhelming to start learning about what's actually been going on in your relationship and when it's been destructive and down right abusive there can also be a lot of shame, which can keep many form gett...

Last week Amie and Alana talked about empathy and different aspects of it with yourself as well as how to manage being empathic. Today they discuss how men in recovery can gain empathy and what that looks like, and what it doesn't look like.  Men, this is a great episode to listen to and get curious about for yourself and where you might be in your journey to recovery as gaining healthy empat...

This topic came up in a group when someone asked us, “What if I have too much empathy – what if my empathy is coming back to bite me on the butt?” Empathy is so complex when we're talking to women in betrayal trauma. And even within this specific container, there are so many nuances: having too much empathy, having too little empathy, how betrayal trauma affects your capacity for empathy with your...

Whether you're in a romantic relationship or not, learning to create psychological safety for yourself after trauma is a huge principle of healing. When we talk about betrayal and all the loss that comes with betrayal trauma, we include the loss of your central nervous system to PTSD, the loss of trust, the loss of your self esteem, the loss of emotional regulation, and the loss of safety. Many of...

If you’re new to the work of Tony Overbay, we’re so glad to be the ones to introduce you. Tony is, among many things, a licensed marriage and family therapist and host of The Virtual Couch podcast. Today’s episode is a real treat, because it’s an interview with Luke and Alana on The Virtual Couch for a betrayal trauma podcast. In conversation with Tony, Luke and Alana share vulnerable insights fro...

When you experience trauma from betrayal, abuse and/or divorce, the first step is self care- caring for the self- your own wellbeing. Its more of our natural tendency to go the opposite- to take care of, to control, fix and look for al the things outside of us that we think are creating the inside chaos. We often justify, rationalize, and minimize our need for wellbeing, for time, 10 minutes of ti...

If you think this is just for you single ladies, think again! You will all love this episode. but, yes all you single ladies this is also to give you a little preview of what you will be getting at our next DIVORCE RETREAT in October! Loni Harmon is amazing and so fun and will be one of our guest speakers at the retreat. Did I mention you don't want to miss this?!  We’ve got an awesome bonus...

In this continuation of our discussion on trauma bonding from last week, we’re bringing a second topic into the mix: over-functioning. Over-functioning in relationships is a pattern where one person tends to take on all the thoughts, feelings, and responsibilities for both people in the relationship. It’s a way of establishing a sense of control – a common result in cases of trauma bonding where t...

We’re going to tackle a hard topic for our 100th episode today: trauma bonding. Many women don’t realize they’re either in trauma bonds themselves or they know someone who is. It’s a lot more prevalent than most of us expect. Let’s get some clarity around the term ‘trauma bonding’ and what it means, so we can better understand our relationships and experiences. What is a trauma bond? To quote Jour...

So many of us, mostly women, have a really hard time with loving their bodies. The world tends to work against us as well- even if well intended, many messages are offering this idea that our bodies are not ok and they need to be different. Many feel they have the wrong body or something is wrong with their body. We are constantly judging our bodies against others’ and now days, against social med...

When you have your next out-of-body experience of watching yourself scream at your kids, instead of waiting until they’re asleep to cry or sneak in their bedroom to hug them and kiss them and feel so much guilt… What if you gave yourself permission for mistakes and do-overs as a parent? What if we could make a mess and have the privilege of cleaning up our mess? Sometimes we show up in a way that...

The Power of Processing and How It Can Help You Move Through Betrayal Trauma How do you know if you’re doing the work it takes to heal? One big aspect of doing the work and healing is learning to process what's happening and allowing yourself to feel all your feelings. But there can be some confusion about what that actually looks like - especially when it comes to processing versus venting. We're...

We know how important it is as a parent to connect with your child in order to establish a healthy attachment, create safety, and encourage them to talk to you when they’re facing unhealthy issues or addictions. So when it’s your partner that’s struggling with sexual addiction, it’s common to blame their parents or be frustrated with their parents, looking for justice or validation for the issues...

A question that comes up a lot in our women’s groups dealing with sexual addiction is, “Should I be talking to my kids about this?” And experts are divided on this question. Some sexual addiction counselors say you don’t need to involve the kids or disclose anything about infidelity. Others have the opinion that because it does impact the kids, they’re entitled to know at least some of what’s goin...

As much as we may want to, we can’t protect our kids from everything . They’re going to see porn, and their bodies are going to react, but they need to know it doesn’t mean they’re bad or wrong. Our job as parents is to bring these issues out into the open, talk about them, and not let them hide away to become a source of shame. Talking to your kids about porn can be tough. But no matter how old y...

In this episode of Choose To Be, we’re walking you through some simple tools and how to respond when you discover your kids are looking at porn. In this day and age, with the sexually saturated culture we have, our kids will be exposed to pornography.  So when that happens, how are we going to respond? What will that look like? We are giving you the tools to handle this situation when it come...

Amie and Alana address the issue of when your spouse or ex is emotionally hurting your children or disappointing them over and over and over, and the impact that has on your children and on you. A lot of big feelings come up when you see something affecting your children, and this can be a particularly difficult situation.  Addiction makes it really difficult to connect with other humans, inc...

Join Amie and Alana in today's conversation around how to navigate relationships with your adult children when they don't see your healing work the way you do. Healing from betrayal trauma can be complex, and this shows up often when it comes to navigating your trauma with your kids. Do you ever find yourself trying to explain to your children why you need healing or why you are trying to have hea...

Today Amie interviews a few women who were apart of the Young Single Adult Dating and Self Empowerment Course. The messages these women have for you today is inspiring to say the least. They have been through their own traumas and trials and have learned how to apply tools and concepts to help them heal, move forward in their journey and have a whole new outlook on life. Sound too good to be true?...

Divorce or not, how we navigate through our pain and our children's pain can be tricky. Today Amie and Alana continue their conversation with Mckenna as she talks abut her experience with divorced parents. She offers thoughts to teenagers and what she wants them to know. She offers thoughts towards moms and dads and what she feels would be Important for them to know.  Not everyone will choose...

One of the biggest fears many have when considering the divorce option, is how will it effect the children. Of course this is a fear, there can be a lot of impacts that this brings to the child's life. Yet we don't want to underestimate the resources that are available to help children navigate this as well as not to underestimate the children themselves.  Everyone has a different experience...

Join Alana today as she shares some helpful insight she learned in a recent training around healthy connection. Sometimes we think that when we are not in conflict with out partner then we are connected, everything is "fine". But that's not the case.  Being intentional in connecting with your partner and others takes a lot more than just not arguing or negative emotions. Pain free relationshi...

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