Choose To Be with Choose Recovery Services; Betrayal Trauma Healing

Why does accountability feel so difficult after betrayal? For many betrayed partners, the answer seems obvious: if someone truly understood the pain they caused, they would simply own it. But healing is often more complicated. This week Alana explores why accountability can feel emotionally threatening for those who have betrayed a partner—not as an excuse, but as a pathway toward understanding th...

Many people spend years reading books, listening to podcasts, attending therapy, and understanding addiction. Yet they still feel stuck. This week Luke and Alana explain why information alone never creates transformation—and what actually does. You'll learn: Why insight feels good but doesn’t change behavior The uncomfortable “growth zone” How emotional awareness rewires recovery Why habits ma...

Why does an emotionally shut down man struggle to change—even when he genuinely wants to? In this follow-up episode, Luke and Alana respond to listener questions about emotional shutdown, nervous system healing, and what recovery actually looks like for men who have spent years disconnecting from their emotions. ***Listen to Part 1 HERE .*** Together they explore: Why insight alone doesn't cre...

What does an emotionally shut down man actually look like? Spoiler:Usually not what people think. In this powerful conversation, Luke and Alana explore the hidden reality of emotional shutdown in men—especially the high-performing, successful men who appear “fine” on the outside but are deeply disconnected on the inside. From avoidant attachment to compulsive behavior, emotional numbness, and rela...

What if you're not healing wrong? After betrayal, many people compare their recovery journey to others and wonder if they're making the right decisions. Whether it's disclosure, separation, therapy, support groups, or boundaries, it's easy to get caught in "should" thinking. In this episode, Alana discusses why healing isn't one-size-fits-all and how learning to trust...

You’ve done therapy. Communication is improving. The triggers aren’t as constant anymore. So why does emotional connection still feel difficult? This week, Alana explores the hidden layers of betrayal trauma that continue impacting intimacy long after recovery begins. From nervous system hypervigilance to protector parts, grief, shame, and emotional exhaustion, this conversation explains why close...

Even after trust is rebuilt, many couples still struggle to feel deeply connected. In this episode, Alana and Hali, Choose Recovery Services coach, explore the hidden barriers to intimacy after betrayal trauma — including nervous system dysregulation, vulnerability fears, protector parts, and power dynamics in recovery. You’ll learn: What true emotional safety looks like Why conflict isn’t always...

Are you helping… or are you overfunctioning? This week Amie is joined by psychotherapist and relationship expert Terri Cole to talk about the hidden emotional pattern so many women live inside: high functioning codependency . This conversation is especially powerful for women navigating betrayal trauma, divorce, parallel parenting, emotional exhaustion, and the deep work of rebuilding boundaries....

When betrayal trauma enters a family, children feel it—even when no one says a word. In this episode, Amie and Alana answer a powerful listener question: What would you do differently with your kids if you could go back? This honest conversation explores the parenting mistakes, emotional repair, boundaries, and healing work that matter most after betrayal trauma. They talk honestly about: validati...

When betrayal impacts a marriage, children feel it too. But how do you protect your kids without pulling them into adult pain? In this episode, betrayal trauma expert Sarah McDugal (MSA-ID, MCPC, High-Conflict Divorce and Custody Coach) shares how parents can teach children to recognize manipulation, unhealthy behaviors, and emotional red flags—without trashing the other parent. We explore: how be...

Why does joy feel dangerous after betrayal? If you find yourself bracing for something bad—even in your happiest moments—this episode will help you understand why. We’re diving into: Hypervigilance and trauma survival patterns The fear of being blindsided again Why your brain clings to predictability The hidden cost of “waiting for the shoe to drop” How to slowly rebuild safety and emotional freed...

4/21/26 - For the Parent When betrayal enters a family, children often carry invisible pain. This week Luke Gordon joins Amie and Alana to talk about his personal experience with how to repair after betrayal. Listen in as he shares what his experience was like trying to reconnect with his children and rebuild trust. In this episode, we break down: Why kids react strongly (and sometimes unexpectedl...

Betrayal trauma doesn’t just affect couples—it impacts children in ways many families don’t fully understand. This week we welcome Morgan Ellsworth, a fellow Choose Recovery Services coach and expert in helping children, teens, and families find clarity and hope after betrayal. In Part 3 of this series, we explore: The emotional world of teens navigating betrayal Why kids create their own narrativ...

“I thought it was my fault.” In this powerful episode, Hannah Gordon, Alana’s daughter, shares what it’s like to grow up in a home impacted by betrayal trauma—and how that experience shaped her identity, relationships, and healing journey. From silent shame to emotional clarity, this conversation highlights: The reality of how kids internalize family pain The importance of giving children space to...

When betrayal hits a relationship, children often feel the ripple effects—sometimes in ways parents don’t immediately recognize. This week we welcome Ellia Marcum (CPC, BSP, CYPFC, CMHC) to help us understand the impact betrayal can have on the whole family system. In this episode, we talk about: The hidden impact of betrayal trauma on kids Warning signs your teen may need extra support Why teens...

***Use promo code PODCAST150 to get $150 off when you register for the Rise, Renew, Restore Retreat!*** If you’ve done the work — therapy, somatic healing, journaling, inner reflection — yet still feel a part of you is collapsed, disconnected, or joyless, you’re not alone...and you’re not done healing yet. In this special bonus episode, Alana, Amie, and Hali get raw, passionate, and vulnerable abo...

Healing after betrayal is one of the hardest journeys a couple can face — especially when both partners want the relationship to work but feel stuck in the same painful patterns. This week Luke and Alana dive into one of the biggest challenges in betrayal recovery: Why progress in personal recovery doesn’t always translate into relational healing. You’ll learn: Why many men struggle to show empath...

When betrayal trauma enters a relationship, it often changes how women see themselves. Suddenly the body becomes a project. A problem to fix. Something to evaluate through the imagined eyes of others. This episode explores self-objectification , a trauma response many women develop after betrayal, pornography exposure, body shaming, or cultural conditioning. Listen to learn: Why betrayal makes oth...

Betrayal trauma doesn’t just hurt — it destabilizes your nervous system, your identity, and your ability to function. In this powerful episode, Alana and guest Kim Brown (Choose Recovery Services coach) talk openly about: Not wanting to exist Trauma and PTSD symptoms after betrayal Grounding tools that reduce long-term harm Choosing yourself moment by moment Borrowing hope when you can’t feel it H...

Are you waiting for your partner to “get it” before you can finally move forward? In this powerful episode, Amie and Alana unpack the metaphor of “the waiting room” — where betrayed partners often pause their own healing while hoping their partner will eventually change. You’ll learn: Why conditional healing keeps you stuck How resentment builds when effort doesn’t equal safety The role of attachm...

In this episode, Amie and Alana explore one of the most painful and persistent questions betrayed partners ask: Will he ever get it? They unpack: Why your nervous system wants him to shake and tremble like you did How trying to “make him get it” can backfire The hidden cost of waiting for him to gain insight Why trauma is not transferable—even with remorse You are not wrong for wanting him to unde...

Resentment isn’t bitterness or weakness, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing at healing. In this conversation, we unpack how resentment develops after betrayal trauma, how it protects you from further harm, and why suppressing it can lead to emotional shutdown, hypervigilance, and loss of joy. Chapters 01:35 Understanding Anger vs. Resentment 02:37 The Roots of Resentment 04:54 Manifestations of Re...

Resentment doesn’t always look like anger. In addiction recovery and betrayal healing, it often shows up quietly—through defensiveness, withdrawal, or feeling controlled. In Part 3 of our Resentment series, we explore: Why sharing resentment too early can emotionally burden your partner How resentment forms underneath shame, fear, and loss of control The role of emotional containment in creating r...

Resentment doesn’t always look like anger. Sometimes it hides behind effort, silence, or “doing everything right.” In Part 2 of our Resentment series, Alana sits down with Luke Gordon to explore how powerlessness and entitlement quietly fuel resentment, especially in recovery after betrayal or compulsive sexual behavior. They unpack: Why resentment often goes unnoticed until it causes damage How s...

Healing after betrayal can feel confusing — especially when your partner is “doing everything right,” yet something still feels off. In this episode, Amie and Alana explore unspoken resentment in betrayal recovery: how resentment can exist without awareness, why it often gets denied, and how betrayed partners sense it before it’s ever named. We discuss: Why resentment doesn’t have to be felt to be...