The SelfWork Podcast

It's been Suicide Awareness Week here in the US so I wanted to feature your questions about the well-researched but still largely unrecognized signal for potential suicide risk -- what I term perfectly hidden depression. You have great questions. The first is from a writer who is losing her battle between creativity and perfectionism; the second from a wife and mother who is busy all day, but...

Everyone knows when there's an elephant in the room. It's an event, fact or feeling-- past or present -- that can't, for some mysterious or not so mysterious reason, be acknowledged. It seems impossible or too risky or too painful to talk about. So you walk around it. Avoid it. Throw a sheet over it. We all have what are called "defense mechanisms" to deal with what stresses us...

Getting motivated for change and maintaining that change can be tricky business. Willpower. Self-discipline. Focus. All are touted as necessary for achievement of your goals. But where does self-acceptance come into this? And what about understanding what's underneath the change you maybe want or need to make? I'll talk today about how motivation -- understanding why you're working tow...

Welcome. If you've listened to the previous episode, you know that explaining depression as a "chemical imbalance" is far too simple for such a complex process. Today I'm once again using a very well-written article by a team at Harvard as a guide. Today we'll focus on the   non-neurological factors that have a tremendous influence on whether or not you could become depressed -...

Can depression be explained simply as a chemical imbalance? The answer is a resounding “no.” I’m basing this episode on a very well-written article by a team at Harvard that offers understandable explanations of what researchers believe is going on in your brain and in your life that can lead to depression. And here’s their […] The post 142 SelfWork: Is Depression Simply A Chemical Imbalance? Part...

How often to you look in the mirror and wish you saw another reflection there? There are many reasons for this lack of self-acceptance, everything from bullying to aging to irrational thinking and obsession. I’ll give some examples from my own life – as this has definitely been on my own journey toward health, but […] The post 141 SelfWork: Mirror Mirror… The Struggle with Body Image appeared firs...

Even when you want change in your life, it’s hard to give up what’s familiar and risk the unfamiliar. You at least know you can tolerate what’s happening now and change can be daunting. But you can also be struggling with powerful triggers. I’ll define what a trigger is – how it can be known […] The post 140 SelfWork: Why Is Change So Difficult? The Power of Triggers appeared first on Dr. Margaret...

When you hear the term “personality disorder,” what does that mean? That someone ‘s personality is off-putting or self-destructive? Is it different from mental illness, and if so, how is it different? And if you identify with one of them or are trying to love someone with these problems, is there hope? In this episode […] The post 139 SelfWork: Borderline? Dependent? Narcissistic? What Exactly Is...

What does it mean to “feel invisible?” Like you don’t matter. You aren’t a vital part of things. You’re being overlooked or seen only for what you can do instead of for who you are. That perception can be part of depression, and that “invisibility” may be imagined or misperceived. But sometimes it’s reality, not […] The post 138 SelfWork: The Many Ways to Feel Invisible and How to Find Your Voice...

Medications. You are bombarded with advertisements for them everywhere. And meds for mental health are no exception. In today’s show, I’m offering my clinical perspective as a psychologist (as well as expert advice from Dr. Michael Yapko) after watching thousands of people over the years try out different medications and working hand in hand with […] The post 137 SelfWork: Let’s Talk Medications –...

Do you live by the rule, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going?’ In this podcast, I offer another way of approaching life when it gets tough — an approach that honors both the need to forge ahead when things get hard, but one that won’t lead to emotional and even physical burnout. I […] The post 136 SelfWork: When the Going Gets Tough.. Self-Composure vs. Stoicism appeared first on Dr. M...

Your emails are coming in fast and furious so I decided today that I would answer some of those questions with everyone and we can continue to learn from one another. The subjects range from trauma to ending a relationship to having trouble letting go of regrets and shame to perfectly hidden depression. — so […] The post 135 SelfWork: Your Questions My Answers (and a big announcement…) appeared fi...

Money and the distrust that can be created because of it in a partnership or marriage is what’s on the agenda for today. It’s amazing how many people commit to one another and never touch the subject. We’ll talk about the business of relationships and common problems people run into when they initially establish their […] The post 134 SelfWork: Making A Distrustful Mess with Money and Marriage app...

Today we’re talking about psychological disorders that have to do with you, food, and exercise that have the power to damage your child’s body image and self-esteem as well — no matter how you try to keep it out of their life. Both moms and dads can have struggles that not only damage their own […] The post 133 SelfWork: “I Have Body Image Issues.” The Damage of Eating Disorders and Seven Things Y...

Is therapy really helpful when a relationship is in trouble? And what are the kinds of things you need to realize about therapy that might increase the chances of it being effective? Let’s talk about what’ s important in choosing a couples therapist, but also I’ll offer a roadmap to guide your healing. There are […] The post 132 SelfWork: Where Do I Begin If I Want A Better Relationship? Change Wh...

Father hunger… when your dad isn’t or wasn’t available or connected with you either due to divorce, death or disinterest — causes many problems for a child and the family as a whole. But the numbers are staggering of how many homes are without dads. There are so many engaged dads out there, but when […] The post 131 SelfWork: When Your Dad Isn’t A Dad. The Effects of Father Hunger appeared first o...

No one particularly likes to fail. And what does it have to do with flying a kite? In this episode, we’ll talk about the power that failure can have in your life and what can help you learn from it. Because failure is inevitable. And far too many people shame themselves for failure and then […] The post 130 SelfWork: The Power of Failure and What You Can Learn From Flying a Kite appeared first on...

We’re talking self-talk here today. What is it? And what can you do about it? A lot of people tell me they kinda “know” what it is, but haven’t a clue how to change it. It feels as if it’s too elusive. How could you possibly rein in what your mind is telling you about […] The post 129 SelfWork: Challenging and Changing Negative Self-Talk appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford . Our Sponsors: *...

  Dr. Jennifer Ashton of ABC News was interviewed this week as she revealed the suicidal death of her ex-husband. She stated quite clearly that he displayed none of the signs of depression that she had studied in medical school. None of them. I need to read her new book on surviving the suicide of […] The post 128 SelfWork: What Happens When You Quit Perfectly Hiding Depression? You Find Grief. ap...

There are many ways of creating problems in relationships, but there are two manipulations that are sometimes harder to see than out and out contempt or defensiveness. They are stonewalling, basically “the silent treatment” and gaslighting, when someone tries to undermine your own perceptions to the point where you distrust your own mind. The first […] The post 127 SelfWork: The Two Masked Marks o...

Do you find satisfaction and fulfillment at work? You spend many hours there so if you don’t, that can be a huge problem. In this episode, I’ve found some experts on the workplace to discuss this vital issue. What do studies show are the most important factors in being happy at work? The results are […] The post 126 SelfWork: What Makes Your Work Life… Work? appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherfo...

Social anxiety and shyness often get confused, but they’re far from the same. So what is social anxiety? What happens when you suffer from it? And what can you do about it? I’ll offer six steps to consider, as once again, we focus on “what you can do about it.” The listener email today is […] The post 125 SelfWork: Fighting the Fear and Loneliness of Social Anxiety appeared first on Dr. Margaret R...

Childhood neglect can be much more confusing to work through. It’s abuse all right. But its message was just as harsh as physical beatings or harsh punishment. What is that message? That you weren’t worth feeding, or being educated. Whatever physical or emotional pain you had didn’t matter. What you experienced simply didn’t matter. And […] The post 124 SelfWork: Learning from the Voices of Childh...

I’ve had the pleasure of working with several people who’ve come to me due to my writing about perfectionism and perfectly hidden depression. So we’re going to be talking about the fear of losing your edge – the edge that you believe keeps you on your toes, keeps you doing better, doing more, doing doing doing… […] The post 123 SelfWork: Are You Afraid of Losing Your Edge? Challenging Perfectionis...

  What’s love addiction? Some people use the term to describe someone who’s constantly seeking relationships. But today we’re talking about how you can be addicted to the drama of a relationship – addicted to breaking up and getting back together – addicted to the very edginess and even arguing that can be involved. We’ll look […] The post 122 SelfWork: What’s Love Got to Do With It: Love Addictio...