The Ascertainers

Send us Fan Mail If you can hear this episode, then we haven't been sued yet (check out Ep 31:  Jim's Invention).   Jim's Bachelor week That one Johnny Depp movie Radio Game Dave Mustaine update Fascinating grammar finds Please stop emailing us! Mark's candy fantasy Weather report Debut Albums Mark sings / T Rex Errors and Omissions Newt's! Scarface The Californians Thank...

Send us Fan Mail Buckle up kids.  This episode could be considered pretty relaxed by Ascertainer's standards, but there are two bona fide big laughs.  I hope we don't need a legal defense fund after this one. How we got our name Thanks to last guests, Chantz and Alex Deadlocked at the golf course Errors and Omissions Last Supper correction Radio Game Newt's promo (also--have you bee...

Send us Fan Mail Tough episode to title, but candy seemed to be the common thread.  Second episode of the night with Chantz and Alex (Mark's son and his buddy). Fiance:  It's just a funny word with a little accent thrown in Alex's cry for help Plea for social media followers Radio Game Update Patty Smyth? Milk Duds Sock Theory Mark's new dryer Chantz and Alex's fitness sec...

Send us Fan Mail We've evolved to a 4 microphone enterprise and the debut of 4 voices actually went OK.  Tonight, we are joined by Chantz (Mark's oldest son) and Alex (Chantz's buddy and top Ascertainers fan),  We have gone over 1,000 downloads!  Who knew??  Thanks to all who've listened Introducing our guests Chantz takes the wheel Crazy Lead Singers Alex tries to tell a story...

Send us Fan Mail This one starts with an unusually winding introduction including our first female voice.  Jim swears way less. Farmer's Almanac  Mark's Wife Cameo Why we regret doing Movie Soundtracks as a topic Moonlight Mile Swear Jar Radio Game Josh Duhamel Movie Soundtracks Newt's Promo--Sara is MVP and New Special Waning or Waxing Moon Phases (Nerd Alert) Dinner vs Supper (Dan...

Send us Fan Mail First and foremost--Jim swore way too much on this episode.  He (I) counted the F bombs and the sum is either impressive or embarrassing.  Shield your kids from this one.  It's not even good, quality swearing.  It's gratuitous, like every 80's movie showing boobs--whether it added to the story or not.  Bad example.  I'll do better. 6-month anniversary:  Shut it...

Send us Fan Mail We bring back our first ever guest, Jason a/k/a The Flip Flop Wearing Weed Whipper! Mark puts the mock in mock turtleneck Jim sucks at golf Vikings off to horrible start Wedding talk Tattoo talk MARK's PROFESSION FINALLY REVEALED More tattoo talk Newt's promo--including the best alternate word for pescatarian yet! Ketchup Finally, our top Led Zeppelin songs Fin #Newt&apo...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 25 already?  As mentioned previously, you'd think we'd be better at this, but we forge ahead.  This episode is one of those where we record two in one night because of a scheduling conflict down the road.  Translation:  Words will be slurred. Mark Makes his wife mad at "the" Newt's Mark's new neighbor not impressed Sound effects Apologies to t...

Send us Fan Mail Listen closely and you will hear that the theme music has been re-recorded and sounds a little more warm and natural.  Shout out to Audie AD and PW!  Gotta be honest, this episode is very under control "in control."  Some may find it boring, others soothing.  Maybe don't operate heavy machinery while listening.  That's what our lawyers asked me to say. Golf tal...

Send us Fan Mail We get to the Beatles eventually, but before that, we have other important items like: Mark's new shirt color: Vitamin Piss (that better be a band name already) Two weeks of golf recaps 911--what's your emergency? Audie Pat stiffs Mark--again! RIP Audie CN "N" How to mispronounce Mea Culpa Jim's childhood goal--Ornathology Grackle Parmesan (another solid b...

Send us Fan Mail Apparently, people who listen to this have too many T-shirts, because we didn't have to send any out this week!  Is this thing even on (see what I did there with the title)? Pretty standard episode: Mark beat Jim in golf again (and gets a little cocky--stay tuned to see how that works out) We talk Newt's--including, "The Sara Spinaround," Jim puts his foot in h...

Send us Fan Mail This one was recorded as a bonus episode that we could have on the shelf for a rainy day--then we realized we needed it right away, so it's literally being released in the order it was recorded....  For those that still think we are a music podcast, buckle up, because there's plenty of that ahead--as well as some very, very random stuff. Think twice about coffee at Mark&...

Send us Fan Mail What in the world??  20 episodes already?  When we began this folly, I'm not sure either of us thought we'd make it to 20!  You'd think we'd be so much better with that much practice...  Because this episode was recorded after 2 previously recorded episodes were aired, there was a lot of time needed for Mark to correct/analyze/deflect, etc from those 2 episodes...

Send us Fan Mail As you will discover early on, this is the second episode of the night and we have remained well hydrated on account of the hot weather...  Typical episode with no real intellectual value, but a few laughs are there for the taking. Tom Hanks, Super Roadie MN Weather and Weather Personalities Are they really a Dr? When to leave a party Uli Jon Roth Joe Walsh's thoughts on AI R...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 18 is a case study in ADHD.  We are all over the map--even more than usual... Mark's salmon shirt Crayons--specifically Burnt Orange Mark sends Jim back to Episode 1  Ascertainers Facebook page excuses Quarterback Shout out to You Betcha Guy The most obscure Radio Game to date Quadriceps Contusion Phil Collins controversy reboot Jim's Ram Jam rant Grab Bag concep...

Send us Fan Mail As the title indicates, bit of a mixed bag.  We get into music a little later, but you have to battle your way to the prize. Jim's Community Service Mark Beats Jim at Golf (a/k/a Blind squirrel finds nut) Errors and Omissions Big night at Newt's Mark gets snubbed by an Audie! Blue Swede or Blue Suede? Radio Game: Pablo Cruise and the Aztecs RIP to our rodent mascot Tony...

Send us Fan Mail As the title indicates, we had a visitor on this episode.  What's kind of interesting is that we had been in the basement and recorded one episode before we saw the vermin.  Then he became fearless and we're lucky to be alive.   Second episode with neighbor Charlie.  Any early jitters were gone, and we flew through a ton of topics.  Here's a recap: Mark's Phobi...

Send us Fan Mail This episode brings us our third guest--Charlie from down the street.  Charlie is a former professional broadcaster and decided to slum it for a night with us.  High/lowlights include: Mark got beat at golf by a guy wearing jeans More submarine talk--definitely too soon The Marklaughlin group gets destroyed Rick Moranis gets some significant time Judd Apatow movies Dickhead Jim Mo...

Send us Fan Mail In Episode 14, Jim feels the need to tighten a few things up now that it looks like we'll be doing this for a while. Mark enjoys his first Newt's sponsor beer Randolph Mantooth is discussed Stage fright at the pee trough Mark's Country Club gets a mention Jim pays the oddest compliment ever about his buddy's podcast The Public Appearance (and what Mark didn&apo...

Send us Fan Mail Let's see if the title of this episode attracts or repels listeners. We spend just a little time on Ms Swift early and then move on to our random list of topics that you've grown to love/hate. We now have downloads from 4 countries:  USA (USA! USA!), Germany, India and now Canada.  How's it goin' up there, eh?  Nice fires you hoser. Mark's pop culture refe...

Send us Fan Mail Here we are at Episode 12 already.  Let's get to the highlights, shall we? Mark still gets the newspaper. The Ascertainers secured their exclusive Newt's sponsorship. Mark won the Radio Game (even though he could have been disqualified). In case you missed the second bullet point--WE GOT A HANDSHAKE DEAL. AT NEWT'S!  Sure, it's got a few caveats and is to be pa...

Send us Fan Mail So, this episode was recorded immediately after we finished Episode 9 (Underrated Bands) because we want to get a couple extra episodes in for when we can't swing a weekly recording session.  As a result, we are well-oiled and a little loud (OK, Jim is a lot loud at times--very sorry). In this episode, you will hear: Too many Newt's mentions. Guest, Brother J gets way mo...

Send us Fan Mail This one starts off innocently enough but takes a few twists and turns.  There are laughs to be had, so it may still be worth a listen. Pretty significant fail while trying to gain efficiencies by slimming down the intro and Radio Game explanation. We discuss the different restaurant we tried while we have Newt's sweat out our negotiation tactics. Radio Game = Shit Show.   Bu...

Send us Fan Mail How did we make it to Episode 9 already?  We had no expectations going into this--which is probably a good thing, since we haven't delivered much.  We are still having fun though, so we'll forge ahead.   Thank you for listening! On this episode, you'll hear: A shout out to our German listener Mark's case of mistaken identity (or is it his alter ego?) (SPOILER A...

Send us Fan Mail We are already tired of each other, so we added a guest this week.  You may remember him referenced in Episode 7 as the tank top/flip flop wearing weed whipper.  That's right Audie J (a/k/a JT) joins us as we talk about more music, revisions to top 5 bands from our youth and general Tom Foolery. We are 0 for 3 on the Radio Game, although someone had the correct guess one week...