Gal Talk

coming to you from the twisted minds that brought you... the last episode of this podcast, from last week, where we said similar things but, look, i don't know what happened, but we really drifted from the core of this show, which is me trying to sneak racism into the media space, and i'm sorry for that, i'm trying to grow and do better. from here and out, it's only going to be jokes about like, w...

if you're going to be a musician, and god help you, jesus christ, but if you are going to be a musician, then at the very least you should name yourself with some reference to your cock. at this point drake should rename himself "i have a big penis and you all saw it online". who are you going to see tonight? i'm going to see I Have a Big Penis And You All Saw It Online. IHBPYASO...

i almost forgot to upload the show because i've been staying up too late rewatching Scenes From a Marriage. i don't know why, but it's a good watch, if you're interested in a very depressing perspective on marriage and love. do you guys... y'all ever get interested in acquiring yourself a marriage? what's the consensus on that, these days? it seems like everyone is continui...

OSCAR BUZZ OSCAR BUZZ (i'm trying to trick the algorithm) OSCAR BUZZ sleeper cell OSCAR BUZZ genocide in gaza OSCAR BUZZ the dissolution of the united states for no apparent reason other than the natural evolution of exploitation creating generations of unskilled labor OSCAR BUZZ my penis hasn't gotten hard in months OSCAR BUZZ and i know i should go to a doctor, but what are they going to...

it's 5am, and you simply haven't slept. it's not happening. you tried and failed. every time you check your phone it says a new horrifying time. 3am, 5am, 6am. the sun is almost coming up, you can see the way the darkness parts, splintering under the presence of tomorrows light, and what are you doing? after the hours spent thinking about your job, your relationship, your family, what...

we all do it. let's not, hey, stop it, don't lie to me like you lie to your mother. we all take our pants off and fire up the website, look for our preferred video- sometimes (often) for way too long - and get to wanking on our little junk pile we got stationed between our legs, at the ready, awaiting instructions. please, senior, drain me... make the discomfort go away, allow my sins to a...

if i owe you $20, and six months goes by, are you the type of friend who earnestly tries to collect on that cash? with a slight interest of emotional damages you never tell me about but kind of hold in your heart as a judgement of me? or are you an adult, who decides, hey it's $20, let's just assume that money is gone forever. don't keep tabs on people. this might be the only genuine t...

hey man... you got the 'tism? are you tising right now man? oh yeah, jacob over there working on his model trains, got that sweat dripping out his mouth cause he so excitable. my man over there dribbling like a rottweiler all cause he got the tracks aligned and the lighthouse working. nah man, he cool. ain't going to make much of himself when he get older, but that'a alright.

what do you see when you close your eyes? is it a bunch of meshy black nothingness given definition by outside light? or is it a big sweaty hog looking down at you, begging you for relief, please, please, rock my world baby? it'd be cool to f*ck someone who was into rocks. like a geological type of gal. saying things like "stalagmites". i'm going to suck you until your fossil com...

boom boom, ka-blow! it'd be fun if bombs actually went off like that, like they made the "kablow" sound. i think israel would have a much easier time with their tiktok accounts if they started utilizing cartoon logic during their bombing campaigns. perhaps have a couple coyotes running off a cliff before looking down to see there's no road left with an "uh oh" facial ex...

sorry it's late, i forgot to upload it last night because i was too busy watching "children of men" and thinking about how cool it would be if i had the last successful bust in a post-apocalypse london. can you imagine? you look around at all these infertile inbred pieces of sh*t (because it's london, not because of the apocalypse part) and you just know, i've got the last dr...

aha ha. get it? because it's, because... you know, like the sex position. a position we're just supposed to pretend is a real thing that real people do. but honestly, i mean, they don't even, you don't even see it in porn. that's how you know it ain't real. they can't even find a way to aesthetically film it, and we're talking about an industry that invented incest...

i'm thinking of a number between one and pussy. what's your best guess? you're wrong, it's two, you f*cking pervert.

it's the new ass year bro, watchu gon do bout it? watchi go-ing dur boutit bruh? matcha boon gought ta brotha? snatch a groom doubt it mother, and various other examples. it's the new year, so you know what that means, we're all hungover and one step closer to schizophrenic night terrors where goblins and ghosts try to steal our soul before we have the chance to swallow the sun! thanks...

i bet the dreidel part is awesome, but i can't imagine any other aspect, like the candles or whatever, that all seems pretty boring. tradition, in general, by nature, is very boring. i want a new holiday, something sexy, something with more cream based dishes involved, like a remembrance day that demands a fettuccine alfredo. an olive garden style celebration. unlimited appetizers, or whatever...

the dark knight? tenet? atom bomb movie? how about the shart night? i can't really think of a pun for tenet. i keep trying all the usual ones, like how can i work the word "penis" into it... penet? that's not obvious enough, it's not as clean as "shart night". with "shart night" you know what you're getting into, you can picture exactly what i'm ge...

what's the deal with customer service never providing adequate service? there always like "yeah let me check on my end." what... what's going down on their end? huh? just a bunch of pictures of LeVar Burton, while they tell you "it'll be just one more minute." chamber music playing in the background. here's another thing, another problem we all share, but how ab...

you guys ever watch that show Californication? that's sort of what i'm into right now... television shows, what's that about? you're sitting at home watching nine hours of your third favorite show, rewatching for the fifth time? pouring another drink, neglecting how badly your dog needs to pee because it's too cold to go outside? come on, pal, that ain't you. i know you, yo...

what am i thankful for this year? ummm... easy answer, i'm grateful for pussy, and also, pirates of the carribean. if i'm being completely honest... it's been a bleak year. we were reminded of an ongoing genocide in gaza, and my d*ck never got bigger, despite what the witch doctor told me after i bought that special cream...

i wanna be a zookeeper. no, i have no interest in educating myself on the subject. no., i don't care that this is technically an animal prison. this kind of fact checking is honestly so offensive, and honestly, it's also racist. let me feed the monkeys! i wanna give those apes some chunky snacks! is that a crime now?? your honor....

i only fly away. i don't where why... does anyone know the next part of the song? i feel like that's a mumble part. you ever mumble your way through a popular song? like, you kinda get the melody, you know what's generally going on, but you just lack specific knowledge of the words? i feel that way during prayers. you know it's got to be about the lord, they love him, but you just...

i've got a confession to make. sorry, i meant i have a concession to make. whoops, no, sorry, i meant i have a concession stand to make, to cake. to cake or not to cake, that is the question we must ask ourselves, when so wedded to treats as our souls must partake. should we perish in delight? or abstain for eternity?

i like me a big stinky cheeseburger. that's my go to meal. a plate of gnarly smelly meat between sweaty buns and hard thick cheese. french fries? go f*ck yourself. i want spanish fries, i want nachos with p*ssy juice all over it. with a gun. a gun with salsa bullets in it, that is!

you guys like music? that sweet sonorous jam of a band playing in the hot night? well guess what, turns out that makes you gay. sorry, I don't make the rules. check your local mdma manufacturer. did you like the odezza tour? did you think that was... that was worth your time and money? odezza. am i spelling that rignt? who cares

more like misrael, am i right? because i'm sure it's pretty miserable having a rave dance party during bombing season! that's right! i'm saying what we're all thinking! news moves so fast, i'm sure this is all relevant and we all remember what i'm talking about, but i always thought it was cool, personally, whenever the nazi's blasted avicii throughout the concentra...