Gal Talk

You know them, I know them. Those dreaded, horrific, tormented other people. My spine shivers when I think of those teeth gnashing, opaque eyes, rivers of drool sucked into the memory of a face. Named Mike , or Sydney ... Uggghh. Can you imagine? And I know, wait, calm down. It's expected that you would interpret me saying "other people" and assume racism is just around the corner, b...

The list of people who suck ass continues to grow at an alarming rate. Every time I turn around I see another example of ass suckery, performed by the richest and most privileged members of our society. I know that like, okay, all of our presidents have been insane guys who suck ass and have that goblin itch to rape and kill, and that's honestly true for most presidents of most countries, beca...

We all know the left has a problem, and contrary to popular belief the problem isn't rooted in our inability to formulate a true and resonating opposition party - because either we're fighting each other about petty bullshit or we're trying to find the most conservative, most vindictive and vile versions of the "flirty with fascism" right - no, the real issue with the left is...

This is unfortunately what Trump does to you, and I assume is why all those mouth breathers voted for him a second time and are now confused about why literally everything is worse - even that, did you see it? That whole sentence was some Jon Stewart Daily Show "I'm mad about hypocrisy" bullshit. This isn't who I want to be, this isn't my divine purpose. I'm supposed to b...

Well folks, it's been 200 episodes of Gal Talk, and you know what that means. It's officially time to kill ourselves. I'd like to say that it's been a wild ride, full of success and good times, but if we're being honest the show is exactly what it's always been, which is two people talking for over an hour with very few people listening AND THAT'S WHAT WE LIKE. All thes...

I'm sure this is hard to believe, but the city we live in sucks my ass. But BUT wait, hold on, listen to me. Your city sucks too. We just so happen to live here and you just so happen to live there. You probably infested the city with your petty bullshit several years ago, and the once promised gentrification never happened to the neighborhoods you could afford, and the barista sex culture you...

Don't even worry about it. There's like, it's like, dude. Seriously don't look up. There's nothing to see there. Ain't nobody ever had no problems as long as they keep they head down. So just continue on the beautiful journey that is your probably extremely uplifting life. What do you do? You got a job working in an office, maybe? Maybe a little work-from-home situation. Is...

For those of you who have never had the pleasure of driving through any area in Missouri or Kansas, or hey, most of the Midwest, which I consider not only Missouri to be a member of, but also the sole representative for, due to the way it embodies the true spirit of the middle of the country, where there is no real democracy, no law other than what the police decide in-that-moment, and the weather...

It's just a coincidence. Truly. Don't go thinking it's okay to throw around accusations that got nothing to do with anything, okay? We're playing as safely as possible with all things that are... things. Things that are unrelated to other Things. There's no use looking at the world around you and noticing Consistencies, or how potentially connected some people might be to some...

Because of the word complex, you see… it’s sort of pun to highlight the stupidity of the military, while also having some fun with words along the way. What’s going on here, if you examine closely, is that we’re locked outside the mechanisms of true power, the omega source for all death and destruction occurring on the planet due to the global empire constructed by our bloodsucking billionaires an...

What if it's a parody of Philip Roth where instead of the character being horny for children or whatever those books are about, we have a guy who pays a phone sex operator to explain the various foods she's consumed throughout the day and we call it Sabbath's Eater ? What about... what about that? We can keep Portnoy's Complaint but its about Dave Portnoy complaining there isn'...

Rest in piss Lindsey Graham, you were the highest epitome of American politics. Closeted, bloodthirsty, greedy, conniving, inconsistent, and somehow still the stupidest man to ever have that voice. Have you ever in your life heard that voice, from an actual closeted gay guy, and the words coming out are as reckless as the bullshit Israel-loving Lindsey Graham? It's a lot like Trump in that the...

I forgot to bring my microphone. Does this ever happen to you? You guys seeing this, is this in the news? When you go to record a podcast at your buddy's house, and then forget the most vital piece of equipment for the task? It's embarrassing and I'm sorry. This is the one time, you get one a year, where you can say that I'm the big fat loser. Normally it's you. It's almost...

It's time to own up to the fact that we whites are a problem. I know, I know, I don't want to be the one who has to finally bring the hammer down on us, but I'm looking around, I'm scanning Wikipedia, and based on everything I see I think it's time to admit we're the problem. And it's getting worse. We're fatter, stinkier, stupider, and we're aging like shit. No...

We talk about it very briefly in the episode, but I didn't really process that they made a He-Man movie. I'm not going to look at the trailer and I'm not going to learn about the plot or when it comes to theaters, but I am going to tell you right now that that stinks. That really fucking stinks, man. You should be embarrassed. I'm looking at you, Alison Brie. That's really, rea...

They're doing some wicked things to our brains, aren't they? Mostly old people, it seems. Young people are already dead, so there's no point even concerning ourselves with that. There isn't going to be a world left when it's their turn to take over and run things, so I say just let their brains go smooth from Family Guy clips and doordash. We should be treating twenty year olds...

Or however you celebrate. Is that how that works? Is Pride Month kind of like Christmas, where some assholes on the internet are debating the merits of including other holidays into seasonal greetings? Is there a Jewish holiday happening in June. I bet there fucking is. There's always some bullshit happening with candles or weird stews, and we all have to pretend like it's some ancient bea...

Changing things up around here. My normal co-host had to call in sick because I guess his butthole was too sore from the long weekend he had down at the Gay Club. I don't want to embarrass him, of course, but I will tell you the photos he sent for evidence are harrowing. It's the kind of thing you'll see that makes you rethink progressive politics. I don't even know how you fit tha...

Happy Memorial Day, everyone. And you know me, I absolutely give a fuck and in 2026 I think it's important to continue with the illusion we've all been convinced of, which is that none of the wars currently happening are good but every single war before this one was necessary and the people who fought those wars are heroes that defended our democracy. And by "democracy" I mean th...

That guy sucks my ass, right? Like I know two years ago you r-word f-slur big tittty babies were frothing at the mouth because you legitimately believed Donald Trump was going to fix egg prices, because you don't know how to read and can't conceptualize time even on the basic linear mode we humans are stuck on, and I know you gave a lot of leniency to JD Vance at the offset because your mo...

If you're reading this, and I doubt that you are, but if you're so deranged as to click on this podcast hosted by people you don't know and will never know, then please, please understand that we maintain the right to never give a shit about you. We didn't upload last week, and normally it would be customary to issue an apology or an explanation for it, but as soon as my fingers hi...

I like that our country is run by old, stinky, fat, poopy men. And they better not change that, come 2028, when all of us are dead and gas cost $900 and no one has jobs but rent is still going up. They better still be running our classic old stinky fat poopy men, or else I won't know what to vote for to make the billionaires happy. Do you like that every time someone says billionaires shouldn&...

We like to have fun, and when I say "fun" I think you know exactly what I mean. Not the kind of fun these horrendous man-children are having over at Barstool, where the entire purpose of your life is to sit on a couch surrounded by eight fat guys with heart disease yelling at the tv because they drunkenly dropped nine hundred dollars on a sports betting app they're actively promoting...

I tried to upload this episode ten seconds ago and it didn't work. I'm wondering if it's due to the words I wrote in this little description box, but I barely talked about trafficking or the president being bad, so I can't imagine the propaganda censorship machines that are now every single website and app having any issue with what I said. I'm a good guy. I don't use curse...

It's hard to respect anyone anymore. Social media is one big embarrassment factory for 18-40 year olds to post themselves into oblivion. Forget employability. Forget your lack of talent, for a moment, and just focus on how goddamn insanely fucking embarrassing it is to see a page of someone's stupid face. The hours and hours of bad SNL-adjacent sketch ideas poorly filmed in apartments. The...