A Day at a Time Reflections

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image," wrote Thomas Merton. "Otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." As I replace my self-destructive addiction with a healthy dependence on the Gamblers Anonymous Program and its Twelve Steps, I'm finding that the barriers of silence and hatred are melting aw...

In the process of learning to love myself and, in turn, to love others freely with no strings attached, I've begun to understand these words of St. Augustine: "Love slays what we have been, that we may be what we were not." More and more, I feel the enormous power of such love in the Gamblers Anonymous Program; for me, the words "we care" also mean "we love." Just for today, will I try to be lovin...

Slowly, but surely, I'm becoming able to accept other people's faults as well as their virtues. The Gamblers Anonymous Program is teaching me to "always love the best in others and never fear their worst." This is hardly an easy transition from my old way of thinking, but I'm beginning to see that all people-including me are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong. Am I approach...

Giving love is a fulfillment in itself. It must not matter whether love is returned or not. If I give love only to get a response on my terms, my love is canceled out by my motives. If I have the capacity to give love, then any return I get for it is a special bonus. It is through giving love, freely and without expectation of return, that we find ourselves and build ourselves spiritually. Have I...

Since I've been in Gamblers Anonymous, I've learned to redefine love. I've come to understand, for example, that sometimes it's necessary to place love ahead of indiscriminate "factual honesty." No longer, under the guise of "perfect honesty," can I cruelly and unnecessarily hurt others. Today, I must always ask myself, "What's the best and most loving thing I can do?" Have I begun to sow the seed...

When we first reached Gamblers Anonymous and for the first time in our lives stood among people who seemed to understand, the sense of belonging was exhilarating. We felt that the problem of isolation had been solved. We soon discovered however, that while we weren't alone anymore in a social sense, we still suffered many of the old pangs of anxious apartness. Until we had talked with complete can...

We've all had times when we felt alienated, when it seemed we had nowhere to turn and no one to turn to. When we don't know which way to turn, when there seems to be no one to help us, even then we're not alone or without help; the presence of God is always with us. When we need strength or courage or comfort, God is there with us as the help we need. Even before we turn to God, His love reaches o...

When I have only myself to talk to, the conversation gets sort of one-sided. Trying to talk myself out of a "small wager" or "just one hand" is like trying self-hypnosis. It simply doesn't work; most of the time, it's about as effective as trying to talk myself out of a case of flu. When my heart is heavy and my resistance low, I can always find some comfort in sharing with a true and understandin...

I know today that I no longer have to proceed on my own. I've learned that it's safer, more sensible, and surer to move forward with friends who are going in the same direction as I. None of us need feel shame at using help, since we all help each other. It's no more a sign of weakness to use help in recovering from my addiction than it is to use a crutch if I have a broken leg. To those who need...

When we're new in Gamblers Anonymous, we're novices at reaching out for friendship - or even accepting it when it's offered. Sometimes we're not quite sure how to do it or, indeed, whether it will actually work. Gradually, however, we become restored; we become teachable. We learn, for example, as Moliére wrote, "The more we love our friends, the less we flatter them." Just for today, will I reach...

Getting over years of suspicion and other self-protective mechanisms can hardly be an overnight process. We've become thoroughly conditioned to feeling and acting misunderstood and unloved-whether we really were or not. Some of us may need time and practice to break out of our shell and the seemingly comfortable familiarity of solitude. Even though we begin to believe and know we're no longer alon...

When newcomers to Gamblers Anonymous experience the first startling feeling that they're truly among friends, they also wonder-with almost a sense of terror-if the feeling is real. Will it last? Those of us who've been in the Program a few years can assure any newcomer at a meeting that it is very real indeed, and that it does last. It's not just another false start, nor just a temporary burst of...

When I first listened to people in Gamblers Anonymous talking freely and honestly about themselves, I was stunned. Their stories of their own gambling escapades, of their own secret fears, and of their own gnawing loneliness were literally mind-blowing for me. I discovered and hardly dared believe it at first-that I'm not alone, I'm not all that different from everybody else and, in fact, we're al...

"The language of friendship is not words, but meanings," wrote Thoreau. Life indeed takes on new meanings, as well as new meaning in the Gamblers Anonymous Program. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a Fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends - this is an experience not to be missed. Can I recall my initial reactions when I came to G...

Compulsive gambling is a lonely dis ease; although it may have seemed that we were part of the lights-and-action crowd, we were often tortured by lone liness. Even before the end of our gam bling days before the debts and the guilt showed us how unmanageable our lives had become-nearly all of us felt that we didn't quite belong. Either we were basically shy, or we were noisy good fellows craving a...

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us," wrote Oliver Wendell Holmes. I was never able to look at what was within me until I came to Gamblers Anonymous and heard my story told. Then I no longer had my "uniqueness" to hide behind. What was more, the person seemed a lot happier telling it than I was hearing it. I was jealous of a winner - always...

I considered myself a "loner" in the days when I was gambling. Although I was often with other people - saw them, heard them, touched them - most of my important dialogues were with my inner self. I was certain that nobody else would ever understand. Considering my former opinion of myself, it's likely that I didn't want anybody to understand. I smiled through gritted teeth even as I was dying on...

If we felt guilty, degraded, or ashamed of either our addiction itself or the things we did while "in action," that served to magnify our feelings of being outcasts. On occasion, we secretly feared or actually believed that we deserved every painful feeling; we thought, at times, that we truly were outsiders. The dark tunnel of our lives seemed formidable and unending. We couldn't even voice our f...

Many of us in the Gamblers Anonymous Program share the memory that we originally gambled to "belong," to "be a big shot," or to "be a part of the crowd." Others of us fueled our addictions in order to "get in"-to feel, at least for a short time, that we fitted in with the rest of the human race. Sometimes, our gam bling had the desired effect, temporarily assuaging our feelings of apartness. But w...

Looking back at those last desperate days before I came to Gamblers Anonymous, I remember more than anything the feelings of loneliness and isolation. Even when I was surrounded by people, including my own family, the sense of "aloneness" was overwhelming. Even when I tried to act sociable and wore the mask of cheerfulness, I usually felt a terrible anger at not belonging. Will I ever forget the m...

"A very popular error-having the courage of one's convictions; rather it is a matter of having the courage for an attack upon one's convictions," wrote Nietzsche. The Gamblers Anonymous Program is helping me get rid of my old ideas by sharing with others and working the Twelve Steps. Having made a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory of myself; having admitted to myself and to anot...

When a person wakes up each morning and rises, with nerves screaming and sick at heart, to face frightening reality; when a person stumbles through the day in a pit of despair, wishing to die, but refusing to die; when a person gets up the next day and does it all over again-well, that takes guts. That takes a kind of real, basic survival courage, a courage that can be put to good use if that pers...

My courage must come each day, as does my desire to avoid a single bet, a single addictive act. It must be a continuing courage, without deviations and procrastination, without rashness, and without fear of obstacles. This would seem like a large order indeed, were it not for the fact that it is confined to this one day, and that within this day much power is given to me. Do I extend the Serenity...

Now that I know I can no longer use false courage that is really bravado, I seek and pray for twenty-four-hour courage to change the things I can. Obviously, this isn't the kind of courage that will make me a strong and brave person for life, able to handle any and all situations courageously. Rather, what I need is a persistent and intelligent courage, continuing each day into the next one-but do...

As the doubter tries the process of prayer, he would do well to add up the results. If he persists, he'll almost surely find more serenity, more tolerance, less fear, and less anger. He'll acquire a quiet courage - the kind that isn't tension-ridden. He'll be able to look at "failure" and "success" for what they really are. Problems and calamity will begin to mean his instruction, instead of his d...