A Day at a Time Reflections

Someone once defined the ego as "the sum total of false ideas about myself." Persistent reworking of the Twelve Steps enables me gradually to strip away my false ideas about myself. This permits nearly imperceptible but steady growth in my understanding of the truth about myself. And this, in turn, leads to a growing understanding of God and other human beings. Do I strive for self-honesty, prompt...

The Gamblers Anonymous Program is a road, not a resting place. Before we came to this Program - and, for some living of us, many times afterward - most of us looked for answers to our problems in religion, philosophy, psychology, in theories of self-control and personal growth. Often these explorations of ours aimed at goals that were precisely what we wanted: freedom, calm, confidence, and joy. B...

Samuel Johnson wrote: "... he who hath so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything other than his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts and multiply the grief he proposes to remove." Today I understand that I am not the evil person I once thought I was, only that I have made mistakes in my lifetime that caused me and those I love much pain and g...

When we speak with a friend in the Gamblers Anonymous Program, we shouldn't hesitate to remind him or her of our need for privacy. Intimate communication is normally so free and easy among us that even a friend or sponsor may sometimes forget when we expect him to remain silent. Such "privileged communications" have important advantages. For one thing, we find in them the perfect opportunity to be...

What wonderful things could happen in my life if I could get rid of my natural impulse to justify my actions. Is honesty so deeply repressed under layers of guilt that I can't release it to understand my motives? Being honest with ourselves isn't easy. It's difficult to search out why I had this or that impulse and, more importantly, why I acted upon it. Nothing makes us feel so vulnerable as to g...

Some people in the Gamblers Anonymous Program feel that they can't do the things they want to do. They doubt their own ability. But actually, every person has untapped ability. We're children of God, which should give us a strong clue as to the infinite nature of our ability. As spiritual beings, we're unlimited. We may find it easier to accept this as true of some person who shines in a particula...

I am free to be, to do, to accept, to reject. I am free to be the wise, loving, kind, and patient person I want to be. I'm free to do that which I consider wise — that which will in no way harm or hinder another person. I'm free to do that which will lead me into paths of peace and satisfaction. I'm free to decide for or against, to say no and to say yes. I'm free to live life in a productive way...

STEP 7 Humbly asked God (of our understanding) to remove our shortcomings. Now you're being asked to seek, to remove, via your Higher Power, your character defects. Is this really necessary? It certainly is! Character defects were a major portion of the reason one gambled. Therefore, keeping these defects can lead one back to gambling. For example, let's take one defect - anger. Assume you get int...

It's time for me to become willing to do what it takes to recover my personal responsibility, even if that means giving over the financial reins to another. Just as there are paradoxes in the Steps admitting my life's unmanageability in order that it become manageable again, surrendering to a Higher Power in order to become liberated - there will be other paradoxes in my recovery. Allowing a trust...

Change is a part of the flow of life. Sometimes we're frustrated because change seems slow in coming. Sometimes, too, we're resistant to a change that seems to have been thrust upon us. We must remember that change, in and of itself, neither binds us nor frees us. Only our attitude toward change binds or frees. As we learn to flow with the stream of life, praying for guidance about any change that...

During our days of active addiction, many of us displayed almost dazzlingly fertile powers of imagination. In no time at all, we could dream up more reasons or excuses for pursuing our addiction than most people use for all other purposes in their entire lives. When we first come to Gamblers Anonymous, our once-imaginative minds seem to become lethargic and even numb. "Now what do I do?" many of u...

Fear may have originally brought some of us to Gamblers Anonymous. In the beginning, fear alone may help some of us stay away from the game and that insidious about-to-be-lucky feeling (even when we knew that gambling always turned against us in the end). But a fearful state is hardly conducive to comfort and happiness - not for long. We have to find alternatives to fear to get us through those fi...

I've learned in the Gamblers Anonymous Program that the trick, for me, is not stopping gambling, but staying stopped and learning how not to start again. God knows, I tried to stop plenty of times, by lecturing myself on how it was affecting not only my life, but all aspects of my behavior. Gambling was actually changing who I seemed to be. To stay stopped, I've had to develop a positive, ongoing...

Once we surrendered and came to the Gamblers Anonymous Program, many of us wondered what we would do with all that time on our hands. All the hours we'd previously spent planning, hiding, alibiing, losing our shirts, borrowing, juggling accounts and all the rest-threatened to turn into empty chunks of time that somehow had to be filled. We needed new ways to use the energy previously absorbed by o...

Almost daily, I hear of seemingly mysterious coincidences in the lives of my friends in Gamblers Anonymous. From time to time, I've experienced such "coincidences" myself: showing up at the right place at exactly the right time; phoning a friend who, unbeknownst to me, desperately needed that particular phone call at that precise moment; hearing "my story" at an unfamiliar meeting in a strange tow...

Little by little, I'm getting over my tendency to procrastinate. I always used to put things off till tomorrow, and, of course, they never got done. Instead of "Do it now," my motto was "Tomorrow's another day." When I was in action, I had grandiose plans; when I came down from my high, I was too busy getting over my depression to start anything. I've learned in the Gamblers Anonymous Program that...

How many of us would presume to announce, "Well, I'm on my way to way licking the gambling habit. What more can I want, or do? I'm fine just the I am." Experience has taught us that the price of such smug complacency - or, more politely, self-satisfaction - is an inevitable backslide, punctuated sooner or later by a very rude awakening. We have to grow, or else we deteriorate. For us, the status q...

If ever I come to the complacent conclusion that I don't need the Gamblers Anonymous Program any longer, let me quickly remind myself that it can do far more than carry me through the anguish of living in the bondage of addiction. Let me further remind myself that I can make even greater strides in fulfilling myself, for the Program and the Twelve Steps is a philosophy — a way of life. Will I ever...

The primary purpose of the Gamblers Anonymous Program is freedom from compulsive gambling; without that freedom we have nothing. But that doesn't mean I can say, for example, "Compulsive gambling is my only concern. Except for that, I'm really a super person, so give me freedom from gambling, and I've got it made." If I delude myself with such specious nonsense, I'll make so little progress with m...

Complacency is my enemy, easy to recognize in others, but difficult to identify and accept in myself. Complacency simply means being sure we're right - taking it for granted that we couldn't possibly be wrong. It means, moreover, judging others by what we think is right. It blocks out understanding and kindness, and seems to justify qualities in ourselves that we'd find wholly intolerable in other...

The minute we think about a twisted or broken relationship with another person, our emotions go on the defensive. To avoid looking at the wrongs we've done another, we resentfully focus on the wrong he or she has done us. With a sense of triumph, we seize upon his or her slightest misbehavior as the perfect excuse for minimizing or forgetting our own. We have to remember that we're not the only on...

"Direct" is a key word in the Ninth Step. There are times, unfortunately, when many of us are hopeful that indirect amends will suffice, sparing us the pain and supposed humiliation of approaching people in person and telling them of our wrongs. This is evasion and will never give us a true sense of breaking with the wrongdoings of the past. It shows that we're still trying to defend something tha...

When we take the Ninth Step, we must be willing to be absolutely honest. Obviously, though, indiscriminate "absolute honesty" would blow the roof off many a house and entirely destroy some relationships. We must hold nothing back through deceit and pride; we may need to hold something back through discretion and consideration for others. Just when and how we tell the truth-or keep silent-can often...

The Gamblers Anonymous Program teaches us that only one consideration should qualify our desire to completely disclose the damage we've done. And that's where a full revelation would seriously harm the one to whom we're making amends - or, just as important, others close to that person. We can hardly unload a detailed account of extramarital misadventures, for example, on the shoulders of an unsus...

I believe today that I have a right to make spiritual progress. I have a right to be emotionally mature. I have a right to take pleasure in my own company, and that makes me more pleasant to be with. I also have a right to become willing - deeply willing, entirely willing to make amends to all those I've harmed. Because I can now accept myself the way I am, I can accept other people the way they a...