Midnight Wisdom

There's so much room forwards for things to happen. Let's not limit it. 11.10.2020 Exactly a year after I've been in Berlin, and I've only noticed while recording.  I found a new job and I start in 2 days.  I'm remembering what meditation is for me. And I'm finding a calm piercing force in me all over again.  I'm waiting to heal from my injury that's still happening. And I'm finding...

02.10.2020 I recorded this right before going out to Mama bar. I had my first French dream that day, my head is in a weird haze the past few days. I haven't been sleeping really well because I've gotten too used to my room and my bed. I know that I'll be a very different person if I had my own house with a living room and actually different places to sit and different rooms to do things. But that'...

27.09.2020 More than a year and eleven months now, I've been doing this. I talk about creation again, about where I am now. I'm almost done reading the long walk. I've been eating pretty much a lot of sugar, but I feel like I'm coming back to a better diet. I feel a power in myself and in my being, in my path and in myself. It's interesting. It's insane. It's what it is. I'm not attaching to it to...

20.09.2020 The book in front of me. Forming in front of me, by me, and through me. I would be doing something, anything, and then I'd feel drawn in, I'd feel an urge. A longing for the story. I let go, I hold on to the pencil, and find myself writing away. Carving, forming, unfolding.  All I have to do is let it come through, without so much obstruction. But an eye for construction. As it all...

13.09.2020 3pm  I flowed enough to catch a free movie and a party.  I'm trying to listen more and more. I see that when my head is in a space of distraction, there is no need to "do" anything to get it out of that space. To finish or eliminate tasks to free up that space. There is always space. It's about reaching the clarity to find it, be it and live it. That's why in times like this,...

Recorded on the 3rd of September 2020 at the same time and place I recorded “3 days before 23” at on the 9th of June (I think I said 19th of May in the episode itself). I sat down in the quiet and cool night, and I listened to the entire thing. And then I recorded this one. A mirror.  I allow myself to hold that mirror up to myself thanks to technology. I realized talking is a method I use no...

I felt like I did something irreversibly bad. And I couldn't bring myself to think it came from anything that I actually did. It made me think of the direction I'm taking, and where I am. As someone who's always trying to follow a true path, what does something like that even mean? I look at fear in this one, at least fear for me. Of loss, of gain and being in foreign states. I don't get to any an...

Recording on the lsp4 and I'm still getting used to it. Not the best choice when going walking around without a lavier mic. I wish I had something that can record me on spot without all the hassle.  Yeah. 

10.08.2020 How do you inspire loyalty in people? A friend of mine visited for the weekend. I went naked on a nudist beach. Finding out next steps.  :)

07.08.2020  Johannes left on the 6th. Another friend came on the 7th. I came back from a hiking trip with the boys from the 31st to the 2nd.  I reflect on leaving the job, next steps, and contraband substances like truffles. It's life, there's mistakes, it's alright. Best, K

28th of July.  I had my "End of Probation Chat" at 6:30 pm Tuesday 28th of July. I went in with a solid frame of mind, after 2 weeks off to re-calibrate and doing two solid days of work. I re-framed the situation and went in knowing exactly how I'd ask for a raise.  I was let go. "We have bad news." were the first words she said, as empathetically as she could muster. I was really calm t...

Hope he enjoyed it.  26.07.2020 I almost forgot to say that.. for the longest time I had anger. And I'm not angry anymore. Wonderful how I forgot to mention that. I almost forgot what it was, to be here, real, me and myself. I wish I talked about my finances more. Instead of just saying "I'm broke." or "I have till then and then to be broke" I will talk about my finances. To see something, no...

15.07.2020 Recorded on my new lsp4. I had to admit I might be a bit mad when I listened to the first few minutes of this. I had the recorded next to me in the bathtub as I stood in cold water. Then I started shadow boxing in the bathtub.  I went through in my head about things that I've been thinking about.  How love brings out the worst in people, and how lovebirds can go to being dista...

I must have recorded this back in may or april.. hmm donno

Friday night after a long week, took it completely for myself.  I got a new pocket microphone that I set in front of me but I was pointing it to the tv and not to me, so that gave more focus to the game audio and not me.  Smoked a big bong hit and played Metro: Last Light. Fun game.  Communists living in the metro underground after nuclear fallout.  I reflect about a lot but I...

I'm creating a type of suffering in myself I don't need to experience. I hurt myself with my anger. I hurt myself with thinking the world we are in will collapse soon. I feel like we're not doing something so fundamental right. I can't point my finger on it. And that doesn't help at all.  As if I can find and hold an answer. And once I do everything is going to be okay.  That's not true.

21.06.2020 Ups downs, falls. The weight of my life, the weight of writing. Been trying to hold on to it all together but damn. The weight that I tell myself I carry as the cost for my awareness.

12.06.2020

10th of June. 2 days till 24.  I woke up early, in a time period where it's always bright. And I hate the lack of balance in that. I hate a lot of the patterns I've been going through lately, of thoughts, in work, with the phone, with things.  I see this rage reflecting into damage that goes straight into me. I cut my hand breaking a plate.  Fuck everything. I didn't even care to re...

It's the 6th of June 2020. And the main circulating topic in my being right now is my back. It's been hurting for so long now. 3 and half months of not moving properly, not being able to stretch completely and wholeheartedly, not being able to exercise completely, getting tired quickly and feeling a damn stinging pain at the core of being so often.  At first I prided myself for being able to...

01.06.2020 I was a little high in this one. Fell off a chair from the start. That's what reflections are about. That's what all these are about. My states at certain moments, certain memories.  They pass, they change, they fade. But I'm still me. I decided I'm going to start a community. The Branch. I met some wonderful people, Eric and Charla.  I'm here.

24th of May 2020. I noticed I tend to try to internalize different states that I find relevant to where I am at the moment. Right now, it's presence and being able to hold on to larger amounts of tension without being fazed by any of it. Without flinching. Let freedom reach its form because of your ability to contain it. 

Internalizing the state. Pure of being. Of awareness and truth.  I write it down, I react to it no longer. I remove my shackles, and I find myself pure with momentum, pure with force. A core burning with inner-peace.  "Keep your attention. Boredom is a lack of attention."  "It's fine." "It'll come back to you." "I don't know what I won't." "I will no longer hold on to sand."

21st of May 2020. I breathe. Sitting on the bench behind my apartment in Oberland after throwing the trash. Wearing my grey long sleeved T shirt. I started with Arabic, and ended with thinking about how we can really fundamentally change systems, to no fruitful conclusion. Prophet Mohammed began his message at 40 and died at 63. If I asked Alan Watts he’d tell me I worry too much. Jesus would tell...

17th Of May 2020 I went to the old guys place yesterday, he almost forgot who I was, but then made it clear he didn't want much to do with me.  Finished filling an entire notebook with dreams. Insane. I always think about how I could write them differently, because words can only say so much. I draw the space the dream happened in a lot of the time. Let's see.  I wrote in my green (bio)l...