Year One of Grief

Could there be a new job in my future? Have you seen the Netflix series "Manifest"? And, once again I played golf with some amazing people.

My golfing partner for the past 30+ years was always my sweet wife Pam. But of course nowdays that's not possible with her living in heaven and me here on earth. So...when I make golf reservations if the club is busy they will pair me with complete strangers. Last week I ended up playing with 2 retired NFL football stars. However, this week was totally different. Not a bad thing, just very differe...

I work 5 days a week with a TV equipment company. However on Friday evenings and all day Saturday I work in a local art gallery. When Pam was still alive I would have hated working 6 days a week. But now I look forward most to my Friday evenings and Saturdays in the gallery because you never know who you will meet. On this day there were not one, not two, but three incredible meetings that can onl...

Did you ever see the movie Broadcast News? If so, you may remember the closing scene in the movie where the network anchorman yells out a window for the entire world to hear that he's made as hell and he's not going to take it anymore. Well, today is one of those days for me. I'm mad as hell about God taking Pam. Unfortuntately there's nothing I can do about it but keep moving forward in life best...

Finding and making new friends can be a challenge for single adults. As a couple I can honestly say my sweet wife Pam and I never had a problem connnecting with folks, despite moving multiple times and living in 8 different states. However, as I navigate life now as a single widower it is proving to be a little more difficult. However, the couple of days a week I spend in the art gallery has broug...

Those that have experienced loss know one of the biggest challenges can be how to celebrate special dates. Thankfully if you have been following my blog or listening on regular basis to my podcast you know I've found some special ways to celebrate those special days. This week was a special date for me as it was my birthday which my sweet Pam always made sure was something to remember. In this epi...

It was an incredible Sunday I had, that started off a bit low before soaring to new heights by afteroon as I got to play golf with a couple of NFL stars. Later as I reflected on this chance meeting, I've come to realize God and my sweet Pam arranged this day. Hear more about these amazing events and how it came together in my latest podcast.

Dear Pam, this was one of those borderline days where I had to fight that sick, sad feeling I sometimes wake up with. It's like nothing I can describe, only to say that if you were here I know it would all be just fine. I always loved Saturday mornings...

Dear Pam, I got home pretty late tonight after being on the road the past four days for work. Overall, it was good trip and was nice to see several former clients I had not seen in over 10 years. However, despite the passage of time we all picked up like we had just visited last week. 

Dear Pam, tonight I'm writing from the second city we lived in after getting married. Of course not sure a town of 25 thousand qualifies as a city but to us it seemed to have just what we needed at that time in our live. That's right, I'm in Columbus, Mississippi which become the launching pad for my move into weather forecasting full time. From there we lived from coast to coast and like the WKRP...

Dear Pam, I'm writing you tonight from beautiful Oxford, Mississippi. Despite us having traveled to all the lower 48 we never made it to the home of John Grisham and the Ole Miss Rebels.

Dear Pam, I'm back on the road and writing you tonight from my hotel in Tupelo, Mississippi. Of course with Tupelo come more memories of our early married years when we lived in nearby Columbus. I remember we were so excited to visit Tupelo because we got to visit the birthplace of Elvis Presley. Wasn't much to it, but to two young kids, just married it was very exciting.

Dear Pam, well it's another Saturday with couples and families out enjoying the weekend. Of course we had our fair share of great weekends together and it's hard to not drift back to those memories. However, my Saturday while it does not include being with my best friend and lover I have found other ways to keep me going on the weekends

In our car below the center console is a little area where you can keep things. In that console has been a small purse of yours that was the last one you used in your final month or so on this earth. I've known it was there ever since you left for heaven but never had the courage to open until today. As I unzipped the various parts of the purse it was like you never left.

Dear Pam, I'm a little nervous because it's been two really good days in a row which any widow or widower will tell you it makes you think something has to bring you down eventually. But then again, that's life in general but I'm going to look at the glass as half full and count on more good days than bad or what we call sad days. I do have to share with you that it's becoming increasingly evident...

Dear Pam, I had a very busy and interesting day which for a widower is a good thing because we don't have time for our mind to drift into what was and what never will be. Instead I was busy with the present as well as some things looking into the future.

Dear Pam, I found a new feature that google has and not so sure it was a good thing. I asked it how many days has it been since October 20, 2019. Of course that was the day God had this great idea it was time for you to come up to heaven while leaving the rest of us behind. Well, do you know how many days that is?

Dear Pam, I think I found the key to surviving this most recent holiday weekend. Get in the car and go spend the time with lifelong friends. That's exactly what I did for this Sunday and Monday.

Dear Pam, I'm writing you from the art gallery where I spend most of my Saturday afternoon and evenings these days. Gives me the opportunity to meet and talk with so many interesting people from all walks of life and from every corner of the country.

We talked at length about how God gives us all purpose and when we find the so called sweet spot it can be incredibly rewarding. In her case, she has certainly found the sweet spot in her life. For me...well, I'm still not sure but I try to keep an open mind to the possibilities.

Have you ever thought about how close we are to heaven? Of course nobody knows, but on recent flight I started to think I was getting closer.

We both loved hiking and exploring new places and when you have someone at your side doing these things...well, it's just a different feeling.

Dear Pam, tonight I'm writing from my hotel in beautiful Salt Lake City, Utah and boy the memories are flowing strong. This is my first time back out west since moving away from Oregon to Tennessee in December. And while I enjoy the southeast I can feel that draw of the west that kept us returning to this part of the world where we lived for the majority of of our married life.

Dear Pam, I've often heard that the second year of being without the one you loved can often be harder than the first. For me I've tried to believe that's not true but then there are days that start off like today when it feels like you just left us and the feeling of loss is so very, very strong again.

I had a really long day that started early this morning with me not getting home until a little after 11 pm. However, it was also a really good day that provided some great encounters with people from all parts of the country and dinner with new friends that recently moved here.