Worthless Clowns

Blake Freeman joins us!! Blake’s weapon of choice for when the world ends are his very own shoes. Blake clogs a toilet, almost kills himself with a toothbrush, and embarrasses himself at an SNL party. Ali is in an all-women improv group that spends most of its time apologizing. Brittany can’t help imagining her death every time she steps into the shower. Follow Blake @blakefreeman! For clips and p...

We got caught in the rain and discover HOTDOG.COM!! Brittany’s dad gives her lifetime nightmares about gorilla masks and a man called WADADA. Everyone in Ali’s family has a theory about what sitting down to pee means. Memories of drunk Facebook albums, font emergencies, and brain cursors.  For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil Rate t...

Ali chugs milk, falls over on the bus, and pees her little goth trip pants. Brittany’s on an extended date with a broccoli enthusiast who texts her way too much. A woman is ashamed of what’s behind her secret door. Memories of little lambs, exploding milk, and JD Vance’s affection for furniture.  For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil...

Peter Wong joins us!!! Peter accidentally convinces a man to drive hours to purchase concert tickets that don’t exist. We ignore our feelings so well that we could dismantle bombs as a career. A 30 year old camp counselor refuses to be corrected on his animal facts. Memories of burpee open mics, flag boys, and Brand New the band.  Follow Peter @peterwongcomedy, and check out his special “Don’t Mov...

It’s a puke episode!! Brittany vomits on a phone in elementary school and that’s all her sk8erboi crush could remember about her. On an improv road trip, Ali’s stuck in a car with a bunch of puke-filled solo cups. A woman reads way too far into twin siblings who love each other. Memories of goofy drummers, dogs smiling too hard, and tiny baby pranks.  For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessc...

Ali gets her dog’s DNA and discovers she’s 100% Frankenstein. She also discovers that her boyfriend is jealous of T-Pain. Brittany is learning her emotions from kids TV shows, and watching her uncle kill bees with a monster truck. A boyfriend is certain his girlfriend will never be a famous comedian. Memories of dads shooting chipmunks and finding quarters. For clips and pics, follow the pod @wort...

Trump’s ear pain and his coder assassin’s trail of if-then-statements. Brittany’s dad stressing about all the ashes he has to spread. Ali has a bad bloody nose and won’t accept help from any man or boy. An unstable woman fears her stuffed animals aren’t getting enough attention from her boyfriend. Memories Burlington Coat Factory, the man, and Johnny Cakes, the tiger.  For clips and pics, follow t...

Ali gets in trouble for freezing underwear, screams at a man for his love of movies, and gets beat up by the ocean. Brittany is fighting with her boyfriend about trebuchets and mercury. A man thinks he can eat 4 feet of a communal sandwich without anyone noticing. Memories of Kramer’s whale hole-in-one, T-Pain, and Jared’s big pants.  For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @...

Special guest, Gastor Almonte (Comedy Central) joins us! Gastor keeps falling asleep at jury duty, and needs therapy tools to talk about the Big Bang Theory. A man risks his relationship buying illegal yogurts on the dark web. Memories of Britt Junior, men who expect you to know flags, and standup shows so bad they make you want to get into coding.  Follow Gastor @gastoralmonte, check out his show...

Ali’s dad thinks the government controls his dishwasher, and a coworker makes fun of Ali’s mom for having two black eyes. Brittany’s brother saves her from a physical fight that broke out over the rules to a child’s game. A man gets publicly shamed by the TSA for not using a bin. Memories of rebranding weather events and Tesla door handle malfunctions. For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthless...

A man dies in an explosion and leaves Ali’s family with a cursed pack of cigarettes. Two-year old Brittany gets accused of being a manipulative, toxic, scheming b****. A woman offends her wedding guests by seating them according to Harry Potter houses. A punk hates his father for mistaking a lizard for a salamander. Memories of Coke for men, slappy sticky hands, and dads saying “YouTube”.  For cli...

Christiana Jackson (Cashcab) joins us!! Christiana is at war with a colony of ants, her h-cups, and men who are short and want to charge their e-bikes at her place.  Brittany goes on a date with a science fair adult whose best story is about some small font. Memories of making friends though rat kings and fights at Popeyes.  Follow Christiana @incomparablemsc For clips and pics, follow the pod @wo...

AI writes Brittany and Ali a killer bit about stinky airpots, and the perfect breakup text. Brittany gets caught drinking in high school and thinks it means she’ll never go to college or have a lawn. Ali’s at-home medical remedy makes every one of her body parts smell like garlic. A man ruins his marriage with baby-talk. For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardw...

We meet a magical little seahorse boy at the Indianapolis zoo! Ali silently pisses herself at a man’s place, then hides it by undressing. Brittany lets everyone down in grad school by repeatedly messing up her dataset and is still recovering from it. A woman fears that her boyfriend worships his baby ducks. Memories of Kid Rock shooting beers, Mike Tyson messing up lines, and the smell of urine ca...

Kevin Casey White (Close Calls podcast) is here!!! Kevin goes on Romania’s Got Talent, and bombs with “my wife” jokes and a catchphrase about cabbage. Ali’s got her sin shoes on and Brittany’s reprimanded for roasting boys who love ponies. Memories of dissociating on stage, aging out of haircuts, and Hamburger Jones.  Follow Kevin @kevincaseywhite and check out his special Harangue on YouTube! For...

Ali convinces classmates that she’s actually a cat who pees in litter boxes. Brittany’s new favorite movie is a gut microbiome documentary. A man tries to impress his girlfriend’s family by acting as though he has no idea what a potato is. Memories of Taco Bell the lizard, Sofa Kingdom, and pretending to fight.  For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and...

Brittany goes on a date with a pick up artist, and makes an enemy by showing a man some empathy. Ali’s takes a bunch of adderall to prove herself to her doctors, and gets spied on by her mom in a dream. A wife tries to fix her failing marriage by giving her husband a glow up. Memories of picking at skin, attractive elk, and intrusive thoughts.  For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns,...

Caitlin Peluffo (Comedy Central) is on!! Caitlin loses hundreds of dollars in a bathroom and her dignity right outside of her apartment. We find out who thinks it’s OK to pee in the shower. A man divides his religious family by naming his dog Lucifer. Memories of mean soccer girls, blessing animals, and Brittany’s dad’s toilet.  Follow Caitlin @caitlinpeluffo and check out her special “Dirty Bird....

Brittany gets Ali to believe some dogs have jobs as earthquake detectors. Ali bombs talking dirty in front of her college improv team, and Brittany accidentally wears a necklace that says “skeet skeet.” A mother and daughter's relationship crumbles over a colorful magnet. Memories of Simpsons porn (again!), dads naming clouds, and crying at the vet.  For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthle...

Brittany’s mad about her credit score, a chess game, and a man she never had any interest in at all. Ali discovers a real life motorcycle horse! A man pauses his sled race to kill and gut a moose, in accordance with the rules. Memories of bad animal drawings, exaggerated theatre bios, and (not) Noam Chomsky. For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali...

Brittany learns to drink again and Ali realizes the opposite of a cat is a nuke. Brittany dumps her middle school bad-boy boyfriend after he gives her a gift that is too thoughtful. A ghost haunts Ali for hooking up in every cemetery in her home town. A listener goes to the wrong family party, stays to finish her chicken after finding out, and upsets her boyfriend’s parents. Memories of spelling b...

We’ve got a very special guest!! Casey James Salengo (Comedy Central)! Casey loses his car, falls asleep in a wet field at prom, and spreads huge rumors about Serena Williams. Ali crushes on wrestling star Rhea Ripley, and Brittany accidentally defends Louie CK in a dream. A friendship sours after a man runs a record mile by using a treadmill inappropriately. Memories of old people barely knowing...

Ali spends hours on her MySpace profile trying to impress an emo guy, only to get ghosted for being too emo. Brittany avoids having to process Mufasa’s death by hiding in the pantry and binging on marshmallows. A woman thinks being asked about a book she’s reading counts as bullying. Memories of norm core, Lord Of The Rings, bad AI, and Camp RamsBottom. For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthles...

Ali’s family scans hotel duvets for pubes, and Ali politely asks her boyfriend to repeat dirty talk in a higher volume.  Brittany makes an offensive sketch about 9/11 in high school, and accidentally brings a crucifixion sized nail through TSA. A woman can’t eat her sexy potatoes at work without being sent to HR. Memories of Gypsy Rose Blanchard, buff babies, and Love On The Spectrum. For clips an...

We’re joined by our very silly friend, The White Red Fox of Comedy, John F. O’Donnell (Redacted Tonight)! In a manic episode John runs from the CIA, with support and encouragement from U2 and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. We aren’t surprised at all to learn that Ali’s related to a man who cut off his hand and threw it across a river. A woman vomits and makes her fiancé clean it up to teach him a less...