Worthless Clowns

We've missed you all!!! We've got pod updates for you! PLUS: Brittany's special is out this Tuesday October 21st 8pm (EST) on her YouTube! Watch it, share it, comment with clown emojis, tell your friends! And if you haven't subscribed yet, do it now: https://www.youtube.com/@brittonuscardwell Thank you all for listening and we'll be back soon!

Ali unloads on an unsuspecting man about Tony Hawk Pro Skater, CYK, and Bam Margera. Brittany gets kidnapped at a Vegas bachelorette party by a Seinfeld enthusiast. A man tries to convince a woman he’s “normal” by jumping into a sprinkler. Memories of phd balance testing strips, embarrassing pillow talk, and The Joker. Brittany’s special is coming out SOON!!! Look out for it on her Youtube, and su...

Ali befriends a fellow fish tank owner, and roasts Ed Sheeran and Harvard, bigtime. Brittany keeps mistaking Jenna Ortega for her nephew, and holds a stingray by the lips. Laura Loomer gets PUNK’D. Memories of minigolf strategy, trying Kibbles N Bits, and waiting for the other shoe to drop. For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil Rate...

Our very good friend Kelly Taylor joins us!! Kelly blacks out, then wakes up outside her situationship’s house. Ali’s having trouble laughing with a pulled rib muscle, and Brittany’s bathroom ceiling collapses. Memories of answering the phone “this is she”, hating showers, and guys with records.  Follow Kelly @hellothisiskelly and check out her pod “I feel fat today”!  For clips and pics, follow t...

Brittany gets falsely accused of cheating on a math test based entirely on her poorly written 4s. Ali is introduced to an acquaintance and immediately bullies him into submission. A man obsessed with the psychology of clapping puts his theories to the test and gets ripped to shreds in peer review. Memories of bonding with dads over terrible New York apartments, the best side of the bed, and the De...

Ali delivers a Powerpoint presentation about her worst f-boy experience to a bunch of inexperienced bachelorettes. Brittany’s mother got bored of documenting her children’s experiences after the first child, and it shows. A man gets a job after farting in the Zoom interview. Memories of doing the Polka, elementary school gun training, and the joy of glitter. RAT NEWS: Brittany dreams she has a sen...

Joe Nunnink joins us!! Joe sh*ts his pants in a sea of middle school kids, demolishes his giant Lego castle in a rage, and discovers he has an evil super power. Brittany learns that all horses have autism, and Ali goes through many phases before landing on goth. Memories of Ghost Adventures, flushing fish down the toilet, and the Inspector Gadget McDonald’s Toy. Follow Joe @nunnigram and check out...

Ali gets reprimanded for doing the Napoleon Dynamite dance at a talent show. Brittany keeps getting blasted back into a memory of that one time she felt cool at the library. RAT NEWS: lady octopuses are throwing rocks at dude octopuses they don’t want to sleep with. Memories of “Sean de Paul”, the “what fruit is my baby” app, and taking SAT and LSATs for fun.  For clips and pics, follow the pod @w...

Ali’s eating shit in rollerblading class and taking restaurant rules way too literally. Brittany’s getting harassed by a reptile enthusiast and dates a man with a record number of red flags. A young man makes an entirely gray gender reveal cake. RAT NEWS: a garbage city in New Bedford collapses, creating a huge rat-housing problem. Memories of Physics for Babies, screaming at game nights, and Luck...

Lucia Whalen (What a Waste Pod) joins us!! Lucia’s at a wedding stealing the show with her medically-bad sunburn, and demands that everyone please stop talking about the Titanic. Ali’s listening to It’s Raining Men on repeat, and Brittany’s cheerleading with girls half her age. RAT NEWS: how rats taught us about love addiction. Memories of The SS Edmond Fitzgerald, compost alarms, and falling into...

Ali’s butt-out in goth makeup, capsizing a kayak. Brittany’s roasting her brother’s love of lambs, hate of broken brownies, and letters to mommy and daddy. A relationship gets rocky when a woman refuses to eat an orange, peel and all. Memories of reading bedtime Tik Toks, celebrity pilots, and Where’s Waldo (the lizard version). For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @britto...

We decide on our couple’s name, it’s: Briali. Ali’s at Jesus camp using a tampon wrong and pretending it didn’t just fall out into the pool. For Christmas, Brittany and her brothers buy their uncle only a Meatloaf CD. A man gets revenge by planting gnomes in the neighbors yard. Memories of putting garter snakes in pockets, fake exercise, and dogs checking their notifications.  For clips and pics,...

Our good friend, Steven Rogers (Colbert), joins us for his induction into the Repeat-guest Hall of Fame. Steven’s newly single, (not) approaching women reading books, commenting on their Rick James jackets, and wishing he could introduce himself by listing his TV credits. Memories of monkeys writing Shakespeare, women’s cyclic mating preferences, and piles of buttons.  Check out Steven’s brand new...

Ali has a life changing dream about a celebrated family of inventors called “The Poops.” Brittany is 8 years old, failing hard at pretending not to have a horse obsession. A woman accidentally gets a tattoo of her mother in a coconut bra. Memories of putting Garter snakes in pockets, dog fundraisers and giant dog beds, and the devastating plot of Black Beauty. For clips and pics, follow the pod @w...

Ali’s brother takes a risk making small chat with dudes in a dark sauna. Brittany’s college roommate makes their dorm room into a depression sanctuary. RAT NEWS: We discover which rats we are! A man thinks marriage is about having someone to put your C-PAP machine away. Memories of Seinfeld Club, putting cats in the sink, and dad jokes about whittling.   For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthle...

Shaunak Godkhindi (Don't Tell Comedy) is our special guest!! Shaunak is on a date in his pajamas at Taco Bell, missing every single sign this girl is into him. Brittany is sick of being told she has bangs now, and Ali lashes out about a woman’s big feet. Memories of men putting lint on women, bird murmurs, and practicing agency. Follow Shaunak @shaunakg, and go see him at a show!!  For clips a...

Brittany gets ASMR from a Nick Cave concert, and sends a foreboding message to everyone she knows. Ali adds to her frog collection every time she gets sad,  and is convinced she’s developing a relationship with Cris Angel (mind freak). A mother expects everyone on the train to entertain her child. Memories of Ali’s Red Right Hand, the Bin Laden Song, and men with no object permanence.  For clips a...

Brittany’s brother makes her cry just by saying “GECKO.” Ali and her work friend switch shirts and are the only ones laughing about it. A woman accidentally sends a picture of her butt crack to her manager. Memories of James from Love On the Spectrum yawning, crooked phones, and Wendy Williams talking about “The Killer”. For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardw...

Ali witnesses a man projectile vomit onto himself, and hooks up with the entire rugby team. Brittany’s brother regrets playing Pretty Pretty Princess and painting his toenails. A relationship is tested by a collection of porcelain clowns. Memories of Squiggies Gay Bar, ice cream trucks with beats, and Tony Braxton’s Unbreak My Heart.  For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @...

Ali and Brittany start two separate pods about fish and horses. Ali turns her room into an immersive fish tank experience. Brittany gets called “ISIS” by a man with a Trump impression. A monster cockroach frees himself from the toilet by climbing up a man’s shit. Memories of dogs being put down at Petco, Prince Ali Fabulous He, and shrimp writing term papers.  For clips and pics, follow the pod @w...

Ali accidentally flashes the UPS guy. Brittany’s serious conversation with her boyfriend gets interrupted by a brand new set of fake boobs. A woman severely misinterpret’s her gynecologist’s comments about her cat. Memories of Guys Talkin In Rooms, Bad Baby, and black hole documentaries.  For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil Rate th...

We’ve got a special guest this week: it’s Lucas Connolly (Comedy Central)!! Lucas tries to lose his virginity through an elaborate craigslist ad, but loses an object inside himself instead. Brittany gets fooled into thinking some birds sound like babies and machine guns, and Ali’s aquarium obsession grows. Memories of Gillette vibrating razors for men, birds quoting Seinfeld, and the fear of holdi...

Ali craves the respect of a man who pisses his pants every day on Tik Tok, and gets swallowed by a snake. Brittany clogs the hotel toilet, pees her pants at a sleepover, and almost dies at the gesturing hands of her Uber driver. HR acuses one of its employees of eating animal remains. Memories of Brittany trying to be really angry, the McDonalds Triad, and sleeping inside whales.  For clips and pi...

Ali and her boyfriend get hit by a car on Valentine’s day and all they want is an apology. Brittany’s terrible childhood dog poops his way into the afterlife. Ali fears getting a DUI just for not knowing the alphabet backwards, and Brittany and her death metal boyfriend run from the cops for no reason at all. A listener saves his hamsters with CPR. Memories of pimple videos behind paywalls, bombin...

Gabby Jordan Brown (Two Nosy Meerkats pod) joins us!! Gabby does some bad Facebook detective work, fails to connect with a woman over a chicken photo, and has a front tooth missing for months. Ali’s high on J-train paint fumes, and Brittany has a pick up artist’s bad diagrams seared into her brain. Memories of the Kennedy family’s medical problems, Mary Poppins, and growing boobs.  Follow Gabby @h...