The Worst Movie Ever Made

86 weeks ago, Chris and Rob started a show called "The Bomb Filter," and liked huffing their own farts while being pretentious about movies. But Bob joined the rankings, and we have since become a well oiled machine that is now known as "The Worst Movie Ever Made." That's the condensed version of why we're revisiting Battlefield Earth. The other reason is that Bob joined us after we had already wa...

Listen, we're going to watch Battlefield Earth next week much to the Chagrin of Bob who hasn't had the pleasure. If you want to hear what we have to say about 1996's The Phantom, just listen to this episode, because we are so fucking over it already. Attempted abuse of a boy! Bringing the big rig across the bridge! Communicating coerced coitus! Wanton wasting of windows in the Winchester showroom!...

If you're tired of life, and you're looking for a film to watch that will help you run the clock out by three hours and sixteen minutes, then we strongly recommend the Director's Cut of Troy !  Banging the beauty who brings battle and brutality to your borders! Stealing the sexy Spartan! Apprehending for amusement! Deep throating Patroclus! Strangling your soulmate! Dragging the defeated thro...

We made it to the end of Season 8, which only means one thing: time for a good... no, a great movie! We're talking of course about Terminator 2, with Arnold Schwarzenegger, Robert Patrick, Linda Hamilton, Bobby Budnick, and... others! We're always glad to talk about a great movie, because we took a pounding this season, and we need some relief. Chris likes dongs! Literate sea pigs! Michael Biehn a...

Season finale! Omg fuck this movie. This show has been an experiment that has caused irreparable psychological damage to the three of us, and we will never fully bounce back. So we must keep forging forward, because our mental state is only going to get worse the further we dive down this rabbit hole of crappy cinema! This week, we try on Joshua Tree... or Army of One (pick a fucking title) for si...

Jamie Kennedy stars in Son of the Mask , a film that is only redeemed by the 45 seconds of screen time that Steven Wright and Ben Stein had. When two of the most lethargic sounding men in the world are what carries a film, then maybe we need to talk about Jamie Kennedy- a man who once produced a documentary about how unfunny he was called Heckler ... a film in which real comedians take on the subj...

Chris, Bob, and Rob celebrate EIGHTY CONSECUTIVE WEEKS OF PODCASTING ABOUT SHITTY MOVIES with Dwayne "The Rock" Jonson's The Tooth Fairy. A very funny attempt at being funny because big guy in tutu fall down and dog farts HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!!! Dwayne is the beefiest of chuds to slide out of the studio's poop-shooter, and we're glad that we're done flushing this cinematic skidmark away forever. Rob...

The gang finally bends over and gets their butt cherries popped by the one and only Vin Diesel. Babylon AD! A film where nothing happens, but only before nothing happens, and then leads into nothing happening. At least we have Vinnie boy's sultry baritone voice to remind us that when we're here in Babylon, we're family. Here we go!  Train station dog dangling! Fatally flogging the forced figh...

This is our second holiday season doing a bad movie podcast, and this is also the second time we talk Tim Allen! Rob loves him (or does he?). Chris and Bob don't (or do they?). But what about The Santa Clause? Is the comment section from YouTube filled with a bunch of mentally ill derelicts who shouldn't be allowed to assimilate into a regular society? Let's get into it! Secret Santa secretary sex...

This week we took a swim out to the Island of Dr. Moreau-- a cavalcade of bestiality, ice bucket Napoleon helmets, and making H.G. Wells spin in his grave like a fucking pinwheel. Let's just get into it so we don't waste any more of your time like we've wasted ours. Berating your boys at brunch! Manimal medical malpractice! Hyena’s hairy hardware! Eyes wide shut: furry edition! Primal rage brain!...

Fuck this movie, and Fuck our guest Dr_Ezekiel for requesting that we watch this movie!  Just kidding! Dr_Ezekiel was an excellent, and entertaining guest, and we loved to hate on "Ice Pirates" with him. Zeke streams movie viewings every week on his twitch, which can be found right here: https://www.twitch.tv/dr_ezekiel  Smash that subscribe button. Or gently caress it-- the choice is yo...

Our hosts take the front lines, and "soldier" on through the roughage that can only be caused by corn such as the movie "Soldier," a film where they say the word "soldier" many, many times to let you know that "Soldier" is the name of the movie that you are watching... sir.  Are you ready for some action?!  Sir, yes sir!  Choking and stitching the snake! Child murder! Cheesy uncharitable chain cha...

Rob reaches out from beyond the grave to help get this broadcast lifted. Our hosts, Chris and Bob, carry the torch, and through several hard drive backup issues, spontaneous grocery deliveries, totally inappropriate shit talking about Rob in his unexpected absence, and other stuff, we bring you our GOOD MOVIE EPISODE... The Exorcist, which some of you may not know is actually a parody of the 1990...

We go a little long on our SEASON FINALE, and rightfully so! We had to take time out of our regularly scheduled daily suffering, and make things even worse for ourselves by reviewing Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. There’s just so much to talk about… including, but not limited to: Inter-dimensional sneeze snizz! Ivy league adlibs! Bargain bin Uma Thurman! Close encounters of th...

This week we shoot for the moon for space action gambling heists. We're talking of course about "The Adventures of Pluto Nash." So many wrongs in this movie that all are somehow six degrees separated from Nickelodeon's "Hey Arnold!" More on that later though.  Flat salty lakes! Hot feather duster ass! Bob’s girl! Eddie Murphy’s turdy wordies! Randy robots! Bruno’s battery baton! Carefree comp...

They're cats! They're cats! But their butt holes aren't intact! So many wondiferous things to talk about in this fantastic farce of feline feces, so let's just get this over with and go home.  Jamming in the Jellicles! Cat bowl cum puddles! Reverse engineering the rhyme! Ineffable inevitability! Digitally removing dirt buttons! Executing Isabella extremely unethically! Catnip compliance! Birt...

The gang gets sensually seductive with the black flame candle on their way to Walgreens, which is a real store, as they plow through through rounds of the witches brew known as Hocus Pocus II. Or as we like to call it: Dogshit. This is a sequel that nobody asked for, and yet it happened to us anyways. Let's do this!  Deep delves into the balrog! Lazy nodding! The virginity assumption! Big wit...

We made it to episode 69 (nice!), so we HAD to talk about Hellraiser. Chris, Bob, and Rob blur the lines between pleasure and pain as they take down this pile of shit. Why do people love this movie? Sounds like empty praise from a bunch of pinheads, amiright?  Mummy Cummies! Reverberated daddies! Box trauma! The full spread! Spinning barbed wire boards! Putting the Parliament out on the Persi...

Riddle me this... what's sweaty, smelly, and coiled up in a pungent lump at the bottom of the toilet? If you answered 1997's Anaconda, then you're 100% correct. Though it turns out Roger Ebert was a massive fan (not even joking, Google that shit). Ice Cube is somehow the best actor, and John Voight is nothing more than a shiny sausage with an axe to grind and a scowl that's as flaccid as a microwa...

We know October is spooky month, and we're going to get into all that good stuff next week. But in the meantime we wanted to boof you with the doozy known as Mortal Kombat! A childhood favorite of many, but a sweaty turd on the radiator for most.  Weepy Western Unions! Flawed victories! Side boob central! Caucasian Raiden! Cage/Kang carry-on confusion! Prying open those soul holes! White ligh...

No introduction for Cabin Fever as we kick off Season 8. Let’s skip to the good part, AHHHHHH, AHHHH- AHHH-AHHHH…you know like that song. The TikTok song for the glow ups…  Pinwheel piss casts! Pipelogic comes back with a vengeance! Rubbing your chauffeur’s penis! Unconsenting capture of canoodling couples! Funny haha finger in the fanny! Punching the blood clam! Child abuse! Kung Food! Conve...

We're a day late, but we promise it's for a good reason... we had scheduling conflicts. But we're back with a vengeance with a good movie to close the season out! Back with a vengeance, you say? That sounds familiar. Like 1994's The Crow, perhaps? Chris thinks this movie is just "okay," but Bob and Rob deliver death blows that convince him to think it's still just "okay." That's fine. Can't win th...

Spice up your world... every boy and every girl. Ahhhhhhhhhh..... Balled up Ferret muscles! Everest ostriches! Gray gregarious white men! Frenetic fandering! Jovial particle blasting! You say goodbye, I say hello by squeezing your honkers! Baggin Saggin Barry Bus! Seinfeld squares! Ben Stiller babies! Photographer toilet stalkers! Reverse turd burgling, and much, much more on this week's episode o...

Chris impersonates a leprechaun, Bob's foolery hits its zenith, and Rob pretends to question his own mortality as if that wasn't already a weekly recurrence as the gang raids Castle Grayskull to dump on Masters of the Universe! Oh, how we used to spend our Tuesday nights before we started this show... Musical butt plug keys! Chromatose Krispy Kreming! Octode rectifiers! Shiny metal blinky things!...

*sigh*  Lionheart...  Let's get into it. Front foot fuckery! Joshua tree listening party! Raisinet nipple reconnaissance! Clanging and not banging in the penthouse! Sneaky peeky poos! Ass flattery! Attempted pool party murder! Crab puff safety protocol! Dropping the French bomb! Jean Claude Can Dammes! The full spread! Creepy crouchies! Bozo blasting! Roller blader waiters, and much, muc...