The Worst Movie Ever Made

We kick off season 38 with Independence Da-- Moonfall. A movie that's like Independence Day, but half as good, or twice as bad depending on how you look at it. This movie is different from every other movie we've ever watched because the primary antagonist is the Moon. You read that correctly. We need to kill the fucking moon. We'd say don't watch this one, but our show depends on...

It's a good movie week, so we're going to talk about Pulp Fiction! You may notice that our beloved co-host, Bob, is not on this episode. It's for good reason! He's doing something secret, and you'll just have to listen to find out exactly why he couldn't make it to our taping. Super satisfying soundtrack! John and Jackson just jamming! Great collective cast! Discouraging an...

On today's episode, we watch Sylvester Stallone marble-mouth his way through a marauding gang motorbiking axe murderers, or something. Just like every Steven Seagal movie we've covered on this show, Stallone's Cobra also suffers from a very bad case of "fuck, he's good" syndrome, and he wants us all to know that he can do no wrong. Except for the police assault, and the w...

John Travolta loves to kill dogs, and that includes 2009's Old Dogs. You heard it here first. Protect your pooches, or he's gonna get 'em! Analog emojis! Smacking somebody’s son with a soccer ball! Cringeworthy cross-eyed comedy! Charlie gets cheap chuckles! Tan Dan Indian Latin Oompa Loompa laughs! Homophobic hilarity! Camp counselors kid free Frisbee! Grieving group golf! Nutshot shenanigans! Se...

We're coming in hot this week with more John Travolta! We've done Battlefield Earth! We've done Wild Hogs! We've done Gotti! And this week, we're doing Michael... the syrup secreting Archangel with a penchant for murdering dogs on set apparently. Moving on... Es-kid-mos! Bob Hoskins punching poor defenseless plants! Gullible girl getting got by three guys! Doggy diatribe! Judge defendant bing-bong...

We really bit the boner on this one with Dan Aykroyd's Nothing But Trouble , and we really don't have much to say aside "fuck this movie," and "fuck Bob" for winning last week's poll. But we're trying to find The Worst Movie Ever Made... for science, so this is what we do, even if we don't want to do it sometimes. Lawyer/client bing-bong! Fleeing from the fu...

This is the best episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made, and it's brought to you by Aegis Essential Oils (TM). In this confused and baffling exploration of environmental awareness, we see Steven Seagal run funny, type funny, get thrown like a rag doll like a bear, and kill a shitload of innocent people in the process. What a hoot! It’s Inuits, not eskimos! Wanton destruction of small business (a...

Today marks TWO ENTIRE FUCKING YEARS OF DOING THIS SHOW! And how do we celebrate? Did we build a cake? Nope. Did we read fan mail? No, because our listeners hate us as much as we hate ourselves for watching this donkey-doo week after week. Did we watch yet another movie starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson? Yes. Yes, we certainly did. And Rob watched another Avengers movie, so we think it...

This week we talk about 2014's Guardians of the Galaxy. Just kidding, we actually talk about No Holds Barred, which is basically the same thing. Wrestlers named Rip! Garbage gay bar gags! Felonious fighting rings! Manhandling the hostess by her head! The mattress firm fitness foothold and fapping fakery! Glistening baby oiled buttocks! Workplace womanizing! Server size nine self-burns! Rapey k...

Bill Cosby is a lot like Jello Pudding left out in the sun on a hot summer day; slimy and nauseating. Without any further introduction, let's talk about Leonard Part 6: Mouth flap meandering! Five star team win! Comedy shortcomings in a Cosby comedy! Leonard leaving without letting his little one loose from a lasso! Lobster Cosby crotch! Overburdening ostriches! Playboy pipe logic! Jello Puddi...

It's time to end the season, and it's only fitting that we talk about The Disaster Artist for our "good movie" episode! For those of you who have been following closely, you know already that The Room won the worst movie of the season, so we figured we'd give our favorite bad production a nod with this James Franco Adaptation. Sympathetic eccentricities! Creative cringe! Fore...

We made it to episode 100! Let's celebrate it by looking at some boobs and listening to some one-liners! Samurai cop! Let's do this: Offensively ineffective effects! Multiverse of mullets! Unwavering womanizing! Proto-Simpsons stroke guy! Decapitating the defenseless! Face and then a bunch more face! Patrol pussy hot pockets! Washington’s black gift! Investigative oil boil! Gentle tumbles...

This week, we talk about "Yor, the Hunter from the Future," or as we like to call it, ""Reb Brown, the Dolph Lundgren from the Bargain Bin." This movie is a little bit He-Man, and a little bit Star Wars, but it's mostly a disjointed piece of shit that has the entertainment value of slamming your dick in a car door, and the subtlety of a pillowcase full of doorknobs bei...

Open your mouths, our little friends! We're ready to sedate you with our viscous green goop as we dive into the tawdry tale of Troll 2. So grab a double-decker bologna sandwich, get your poppin' corn ready, and let's take a trip to the town of Nilbog: population, you! Peeping tomming! Pursuing and pancaking a bewildered woman in the wilderness! The meet and greet B&E! Feral and preposterous soft-c...

It's taken us 97 weeks, but we've finally given into peer pressure and watched The Room . A film that needs no introductions, so just give us a few minutes, bitch! Denny attempting to dick down our duo! Minutes long love making! Johnny’s ill judged jesting! Freaking your friend’s fiancé! Bullying your buddy on a balcony! Breast cancer boomerang! Alcohol is for offenders, weed is for weirdo...

Fiddle dee-dee! Episode 96 it be! We've got our four-leaf clovers, and there's so much we've seen! We're talking of course about Leprechaun! One of the films of all time. Let's get into it, shall we?! Kidnapping Celtic creatures! Pogo parricide! Unexpected shoe-shine expectorating! Ozzie! Bailing on the boy setting bear traps in the barn! Dyson and Dum-Dums! Paying for paint th...

Today, we talk about tank girl; a movie that takes 72 minutes to show us... a tank girl. This film is rife with edgy eighth-grade toilet humor, and that's where this movie belongs. And thanks to more faulty Pipe Logic™, we know exactly where this film will end up in history when we slam the handle, and wash away the sin that is Tank Girl. Girl and boy bursting in on boyfriend’s botanical birth...

We have no words for Mac and Me. Just watch it, listen to this episode, and then agree with us. Exposing earth to extracted extraterrestrials! Letting the lifeforms leave the lab! Table-sawing teen! EBAY ET eviscerating the entire house! Inhumane humanoid hoovering! McMerriment! Causing collisions careening your chair into traffic! Dr. declares death of “me” immediately! Obvious product placement...

Today marks the beginning of season 10. Our B-Movie Season! It also marks one year since Bob joined us in this masochistic endeavor that we call a podcast. And we're here with a question for all of you: what do you get when you cross Twister with Jaws? We don't know, because Sharknado wasn't that film, and we hated every single second of it. Here's why: Buttloads of blatant butt fo...

We wrap up season 9 with Tremors, which is a good movie! Season 9 was all about huge expectations, and how big names and budgets could still leave a cinematic skid mark in their wake for all of us to witness. And as we transition to season 10, which will be our "B-Movie" season, we thought that Tremors would be an excellent bookend! So enjoy our banter, because this is as good as it'...

We wrap up season 9 with Alien Vs. Predator; a patronizing piece of garbage that has nothing to offer, and somehow looks worse than the movies it's supposed to be sequeling. And this concludes our season of great expectations. Does this steaming turd basket beat out Gigli to take the title for season 8? Well, you'll just have to tune in to decide for yourself... but actually we decided, because th...

Giggity, giggity, Gigli! We've been doing this for a long time now, and we gotta say... we might be able to call it quits after this one. We finally found the worst movie ever made... or did we? We'll let you be the judges of that, dear listeners. There's not much that we can say in this write-up that hasn't already been said on the recording, so let's just get to listing off all the prime nugs li...

Rob, who hates Marvel, finally got Chris and Bob on board to watch F9, which is basically the same thing as a Marvel movie... or so he's told. At any rate, the deed has been done, and we'll probably never do another Fast and Furious movie again. EVERRRRRRRR! Here's our episode summary: Cable car conundrums! Killing your dad! Pretty party participants on the payroll! OnoBOBopoeia! Major magnetic ma...

Bob went missing, but don't worry he's back by the third act for the Worst Production and Fact or no Fact segments! Bob, if you're listening to this, we didn't mean any of those horrible, horrible things we said about you in the beginning. It's best you just fast forward. We were confused, tired, worried, and felt a tremendous amount of sorrow because we thought you had to watch Valerian and the C...

Hook! Hook! Where's the Hook?! Hook! Hook! Where's the Hook?! There is no hook for Hook. This movie took two hours out of our lives, and we'll never get it back, and we fell for the allure of Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman hook, line, and sinker with this stinker!  Penis fly traps! The blubberchuck conundrum! Jerk office jokes while jack offense chokes! Forgetting family first names! Mattr...