The Worst Movie Ever Made

Morbius. Mighty Morbin' Morphian Morbius. Wow. If the audio issues we had on this episode were any indication, we'd venture to guess that Jared Leto's stupid ass broke our podcast. We edited out most of the audio issues (Chris' My Little Pony themed soundboard was on the fritz) for your listening experience, but we'll never forget. Just like we'll never forget watching this...

We're coming in hot and heavy with Cutthroat Island, one of the biggest box office bombs in history (adjusted for inflation). This film is a naughty nautical adventure of a lifetime that nobody wants to be on, including us. But here we are, doing what we do best and beating ourselves over our heads until the concussion stars start to look like hidden treasure in our mind's eye. ... moving...

Welcome to episode 133, where we talk about The Number 23. But why? Well the answer is simple. 100 - 33 = 67. 67/2 = 33.5. The almond milk in Rob's fridge is 10.5 days past its "best by" date. 33.5-the almond milk... HOLY FUCK IT'S 23. Cinematic crap cognizant of confused computation of cardinals! Reading raunch with your rug rat! Crazy counting clogs, cross trainers, cleats, and...

This week we talk about 1998's Godzilla; a movie about a worm scientist who's in love with a reporter. There's also a giant monster somewhere in the mix. Frenchie frequently flicking phalanges on fully automatic firearms! Unprofessional paleontologist pickup in a pickup attempt! Sincerely stupid sequel setup! Step on it, Mr. French! Reverend Lovejoy’s pump-and-run! The R word! Signatur...

The gang celebrates Boxing Day by reviewing A Christmas Story 2, a movie that is of use to fucking nobody. Bah humbug! Let's get into it. Gratuitous garish gags and gobbledygook! Scummy and salacious Santa! Patting a perfumed pair of puppies! Heavyset high-top hilarity! Sneaking subtle Drusilla sniffs! Regrettable recasting and resetting! Facepalm slapstick! Loose lip service, and much, much m...

This week, we take a harrowing look into the world of Darius Emanuel Grouch III, aka "The Rumble," in Money Plane. Money Plane is definitely a movie. As the title suggests, there is money, and there is a plane. But do they get the money from the money plane? Your guess is as good as ours! Tune in to find out. Crummy career criminals crash a cruising casino! Heist posse failing to pinch a...

Tonight we wrap up season 83 with a good movie in the form of Jackie Chan's Rumble in the Bronx. This is the Chan-man in peak form, pummeling and punishing as he dashes through the dizzying streets with a diamond dilemma! Surely a must watch. Let's get into it! Fists of fury, yet funny with finesse! New York’s character as a character! Uncle whatever’s interracial engagement! Awesome angle...

The bad movie portion of season 92 comes to an end, and we talk about Con Air, which is actually a good... no, a great movie according to Rob and Bob. Chis doesn't seem to think so, but he eventually sees the light. Boomer wet dream? Maybe. Rife with cliche? Perhaps. Balls to the wall amazing? You bet your top dollar. So let's chill some lemonade, and get into it! Undeterred by typical thr...

MIAMI CONNECTION! You knew it had to be coming sooner or later. Let's get into it... Singing shirtless strays falling into several skirmishes! Snow chasing ninjas! Fistfight frenzies! Smashing your sister’s sweetheart at her school! Frequently flubbed dubbing! Catcalling car-riding beach-side band bros! Tasteless time wastin’ tits and biker butt! Booby B-rolls! Out of context salami drops! Han...

This week we talk about Escape from L.A., or as it's stylized, John Carpenter's Escape from L.A., which is basically a sequel to the far superior Escape from New York, even though it's basically just a remake. Let's get right into it, and get shittin' on Snake Plisskin. Carpenter and Kurt create a comeback with countless cameos! Abandoning escorts, escapees, and atheists on an...

That's it. Show's over! We did it! We found The Worst Movie Ever Made (TM): Chairman of the Bored. Is this the end of the podcast? YES it is (read: no it isn't)!!! Did the movie hold up under scrutiny? Fuck no! Release the alliteration Kraken! Carrot Top’s cascading cartoonish character creating cascading chaotic calamity! Bob breaks out of the number two ditch! Shower curtain crashing...

This week, we talk about the 1991 Brian Bosworth blockbuster, Stone Cold. Though this film boasts the typical early '90s action movie trappings, Chris and Rob kind of loved it. Bob also loved it, but he won't admit it. Let's get into it! Wicked white washed wayfarers! 14.5 boobs! Wanton destruction of small business (again)! Crating commandos and capping them! Putting Ice on ice by pus...

1998 was a strange year... Universities were fully populated and operational on Fourth of July weekend, radio shows called their listeners and not the other way around, and we were supposed to feel bad for a protagonist who committed vehicular manslaughter and got away with it because they have bad dreams about the incident or something. We're talking, of course, about I Still Know What You Di...

This week, we talk about "One Missed Call," or as we like to call it: Toshiba J-T09: The Movie. It's also worth noting that there were several missed calls, otherwise the whole "voicemail is going to murder several people" thing wouldn't work. But after thinking about it, nothing about this movie worked. We're joined by Chad Smith from The Last Comic Shop Podcast (h...

We kick off season 29 with the one and only Idle Hands! Bob couldn't contain his excitement... he was so excited about this episode (because it's his favorite movie of all time), that he spontaneously combusted and couldn't make the taping. Just kidding, he was out drowning dogs in a shallow bathing pond like his hero John Travolta or something. Anyhow... Pushing puppies and flinging f...

On this week's good movie episode, we talk about John Carpenter's Halloween; the iconic slasher that put the genre on the map. We get a little nit-picky, but it was all in good fun. The important thing is that we're watching Idle Hands next week. Let's get into it! Killer Kid! Catalyst for John Carpenter! Terrific tracking shots! Super iconic soundtrack! Laurie’s not listening in l...

Today we talk about Fair Game, starring one of the last great sultans of thespianism, William "Billy" Baldwin. What an unfortunate face he has. Coworker and competing counselor want Crawford in a thong! Mom molly whopping her minor! Discharging on dude’s ding-dong! Chris, the internet boob sleuth! Leaving the little girl after leaving her mom! Crackin’ Cubans in a cab! Smelly steam-train...

This week, we review Tiptoes, a movie with no protagonist, and a whole lot of problems. We're going to keep this write up short, and get right into the yelling: Totally made up little people defense league! Pregnancy panic! Exchanging expectoration in a park full of pee-wees! Secret soiree sexies behind see-through walls!  Jewish wedding jokes! Destroying the door of the doctor’s! Crying for c...

On today's episode we talk about Hard Ticket to Hawaii, or as we like to call it, "Dial ‘B’ for Boobies." Chad Smith from The Last Comic Shop Podcast (www.thelastcomicshoppodcast.com) joins us in the third act to demasculate Rob with his Marvel knowledge. Let's get into tit: Immediate titties! Official uniforms showing ass! Jacuzzi boobs! To hell with honeymooners! Marketing Mali...

This week, we took a look at Double Team, starring Jean-Claude van Damme (JCVD as we like to call him) and Dennis Rodman. Chad Smith from The Last Comic Shop Podcast (www.lastcomicshoppodcast.com) joins us once again to talk about Avengers: Endgame during our Marvel segment where Rob increasingly wants to kill himself with each passing week. Let's get into the nitty gritty: Casual car-bombing!...

Steven Frederic Seagal is an American-born actor, producer, screenwriter and martial artist. A 7th-dan black belt in aikido, he began his adult life as a martial arts instructor in Japan and eventually ended up running his father-in-law's dojo. He also pooped himself once when Judo Gene Lebell choked him in a dispute that we can reasonably assume was about a plate of cupcakes. Though he veheme...

We went a little long on this one, and it was for good reason: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was simply too good of a movie to not talk about ad nauseam. Or so Rob thinks. The reality of the matter is that we had a very special guest from over at The Last Comic Shop Podcast (www.lastcomicshoppodcast.com). So give a warm welcome to Chad Smith (no, not that one), as he pummels us with his comic bo...

Today we get our tusks wet with Phoenix Wilder and the Great Elephant Adven-- An Elephant's Journey. We have reason to speculate that they changed the title because they wanted to franchise this movie out at one point, and then decided to make it a standalone film after realizing that it sucked ass in every conceivable way. Undeserving self-serving opening credits! Forgetting Phoenix! Collapsi...

Sequel time! There's just so much to talk about, so let's just get into the yelling part. God awful graphics! Another attempted annihilation! Nerfing Shao Khan! Inner Earth hamster balls! Mud covered mammary glands! Middle-management gods! Super-secret elder gods! Getting mad at the dad god! Oh yeah, dyke fight! Pointlessly punishing Petra! New white Wet Willy! Twin tower toughness! Touchi...

Not a week ago, Bob was absent from our Pulp Fiction episode. This may come to you as a surprise, because Bob is Quentin super-fan #1. But he was missing for a very good reason: he attended a screening of Tommy Wiseau's The Room that was hosted by the one and only Greg Sestero (Oh, hi Mark!) Join us for this bonus episode to hear Bob's story. Friends became enemies, enemies became friends,...