The Worst Movie Ever Made

This week, we’re doing something a little different and talking about Steven Seagal: Lawman– a cop show starring Steven Seagal that’s streaming for free on Tubi, where it belongs. We point our focus to two episodes: “The Way of the Gun,” and “Crack War,” and we don’t think any further introduction is necessary to be entirely honest.  Steven Seagal sees suspects scurrying several suspicious scenes!...

This week, the guys get into ... nothing at all! It's New Year's Eve, and we're tired. 2024 ran us through the meat grinder, and we're currently trapped in the casing of a 3am hotdog. But in all seriousness, we've been doing this for 182 weeks without missing an episode, and we'll be damned if we break that streak! Chris is on a strange soul-searching pilgrimage in the Belgian Congo, we haven't be...

This week, we dive yet again into the Neil Breen Cinematic Universe (NBCU) to talk about the film that started it all: Double Down. There’s not much that we can tell you about this film aside from what Neil Breen tells us about himself through his many, many exposition dumps, so you might as well watch the movie, and then listen to this episode.  Let’s do this!  Desert dwelling dude donning divers...

This week’s episode is all about dancing for what you believe in and standing up for your rights in the face of adversity. That’s right! Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo is now in the running for the title of “worst movie ever made.” I remember being relentlessly bullied as a child, and you know what always solved my problems? Busting out the ghetto-blaster and showing off my new pop-and-lock routine...

This week, we do something that’s not featuring some washed up wrestler from the ‘80s (read: Diane Keaton), and speed-run into the future with Megalopolis; a masterclass in botched futurism and half-assed allegories created by none other than Nicolas Cage’s eccentric, and exceedingly wealthy uncle. Do the metaphors fall flat? Yes. Is the acting stifled and awkward despite the talent involved? Also...

Man, oh man! This week we’re fittin' to talk about Steven Seagal, Ving Rhames, Danny Trejo, and … that other guy with the fucked up hands as seen in 2013’s Force of Execution; a film that makes so little sense that you’ll wish you were bitten by not one, but two exceedingly rare and extremely poisonous scorpions before getting your hands broken with a hammer.  Felons fire firearms, fracture finger...

This week, we honor Shmave’s request to watch Baby Boom, starring Diane Keaton… who is in no relation to Michael Keaton, whose last name is actually apparently Douglas, but he had to pick a stage name because somebody else already had that name. That’s what Bob says anyway, and I’m too lazy to fact check. He’s probably full of shit, but I’m not going to bother following up on this one.  Bumbling b...

This week, we dive into a good movie, no… a GREAT movie with Christopher Nolan’s Memento! A film that’s 1,000 times better than Floppenheimer. In our most humble opinion, Memento is one of the best examples of non-linear storytelling. But is it a perfect movie? Listen along and find out. Missing memory man is manipulated to murder! Tarantino’s fetal-alcohol forehead? Joe Pantoliano and his siniste...

This week, we get into the life and times of Pistachio Disguisey, portrayed by Dana Carvey in The master of Disguise; a vehicle for (poorly executed) bits, and literally nothing else.  Impossible impersonations don’t improve an idiotic idea! A forced PG project! Chris’ tortoise tootle! So many silly celebrity sightings! Olson Twin Pedophile prank! 417 and dental for fucking around with this 411 fa...

This week, we talk about Eddie Murphy’s “Meet Dave,” a family movie about hotdog abuse, and… other stuff.  Water-sucking orbs! Micro men and maidens move past many moons to maneuver a massive man among morons. Salsa over saving species! Mojito sucking mamis! Bob Spocks? Kitty-cat kickball! Allowing any alien adult access to adolescents! Lieutenant Buttox! Bob’s sneaky SyFy misdirect! Milli Vanilia...

This week, we're finally firing up the Breen machine. That's right, until now, we've never sat through one of Neil Breen's movies. Now that we've thoroughly flicked our Breens into submission, we can now say "Breen there, done that." Fateful Findings! A movie about... something. Confusing cascading cacophony of cubes, killing, and cuckoldry! Wanton destruction of laptops! Re-gag rescue! Soft-core...

This week, we get into Hell Comes To Frogtown, which is basically just Children of Men with better production values. Not really, but it’s 10x more entertaining. Yelling: Rowdy Roddy wrangles reptiles and ravages refugees! Three frog dong situations! Problematic chastity flaps! Bob’s jizz bucket! Prominent pilsner product placement! Face-masking the frisky frog lady! Teasing the toad until triply...

This week, we're going to celebrate the steaming cinema turd known as BIRDEMIC: SHOCK AND TERROR! You knew we’d end up here sooner or later, so here goes nothing: Avian atrocities around amateur actors and actresses' awkward adventure! PSAs out the A! Famished little fuckers refusing fish for French fries! Rod finds a rod! Badasses banging their burners at birds and a bus! Gallon gouging after get...

This week we get into 1985's Perfect, starring Terl from Battlefield Earth, and our favorite scream queen, Jamie Lee Curtis... but the only screaming that can be heard would be coming from our respective domiciles as we thrust and wiggle our way through this two-hour-long abomination. Aerobics amateur and aerobics auteur are actually annoying and acting atrociously! On-the-nose artwork all over yo...

This week, we take a look at White Chicks, a movie that couldn't be made today because of THE CULTURE WAR according to some dipshit on YouTube. Yelling: Shitty spies - shrouded as shallow socialites - shimmy, shoot and, go shopping! Hangnail trebuchet! Wanton destruction of small business! Popping pistols at purveyors of Popsicles! The bestiality buildup! Cosby Drops (™) in the club! Dexter Deb’s...

This week we’re revisiting 2006’s The Wicker Man because Bob wasn’t a part of the show when we did this as our second episode, and we had to subject him to it as a rite of passage because he reveals that he had never seen it. ONE OF US! ONE OF US! Okay, time for the yelling because there is no shortage of that here! Rob got strobed! Cage as a cop comes to a Celtic cult only to cook to a crisp! Fis...

New season, new format, and new us! What does that mean? We're onto some new bullshit in the form of 1991's Cool as Ice; a movie that Machine Gun Kelly probably unironically thinks is the coolest thing ever. There's no way to prove this statement, but we feel it in our hearts. Let's do this! Rudimentary raps from a ridiculous race-robbing cradle robber! Jacking a Jill's journal...

Good movie week, so it's time to talk about 1986's Aliens! Wow what a movie, let's talk about it. Facehuggers are fellated by fellas and females to form fierce foes! Bill Paxton! Supremely sophisticated set designs! Quick creation of complex characters! Excluding irrelevant explanations! Hovering over hopelessness! Crafting claustrophobia! Mute Newts! Strong female character crescendo!...

Steel, starring Shaquille “Big Aristotle” O’Neal, steals our heart, but you will soon see that it all falls apart. This movie may have well been a part of the DCEU, but hey, 1997 was long before Ezra Miller was caught with their Flash flaps down, so who are we to judge?  Shaq shits the sheets as a steel sporting super sucky celebrity! Wanton destruction of private property! Looney Tune metal man o...

This week we talk about Krull… or Big budget Ice Pirates? It’s a fantastic formative fantasy, far from faulty film fodder… but far from flawless. Let’s get into it! Consuming some snot’s cinnamon snack and saying he’s unimpressive! Whimsical warhorses laying waste to wheat fields! Doody wrapped boomerang blades! Medieval galaxy space knights with laser halberds! Sacrificing innocent civilians, sta...

Jack and Jill ... deserving of its abysmal Rotten Tomatoes score? Or just another by-the-numbers late-in-career Adam Sandler outing? These are the hard-hitting questions that we try to answer in this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! Sex switch sister satire steers from snickers! Rattling the Sandler slot! Shameful ShamWow Shlomi and Jail-bait Jared sharing a scene! Adam’s audacity...

This week, we break down Not Another Church Movie. A Tyler Perry parody film… or a Tyler Parody. A comedy making fun of a comedy. Let that sink in. Okay, yelling. Miraculously and maliciously making a mockery of Madea! Double booby Robby Bobby five-point pitch shot! Busdriver bribing babe to bear her bazoombas! Grandpa’s got gas gags! Homophobic humor hinged on high-speed dating! Crossbreeding a h...

This week, we talk about suburban commando, a film that would have been better served by a 17-minute ruin time. This one was so tough to get through that our generally grating and nasal voices actually have a soothing effect when compared to the source material in question. Let's get into it! Hulk Hogan helps the hapless while heaping heaps of havoc! Doing a doggy dirty by fencing its face for...

This week we talk about Uwe Boll's Alone in the Dark. This is our first Boll film on the pod, and now that we know what to expect, it probably won't be our last. Here we go: Creature critters created by crooked archeologist crawl and crush craniums! SyFy CGI! Shattering sheet glass at the showroom by 713! Sledgehammered senior! White Walker from Wuhan knows Wushu! Anubis Glyph Reader 3.5?...

This week, we talk about Rudy Ray Moore's Dolemite, a film described as "The Citizen Kane of kung-fu pimpin' movies." Pretty sure we all loved it, but you'll have to listen along to find out. Prison preventing protagonist from pimpin' puss, so parole the playa! "That's mighty black of you, reverend!" The detective downing dominoes on a dude just to be a dick...