The Wake Up Call for Lawyers

There’s a way that my habits and patterns block whatever wisdom I have. I think I know where to point, but my fear that the direction isn’t perfect, stops me. I think I know what to say, but perfectionism whispers, “what if that’s not it?”   Every so often during meditation, my habits fall away and I can see perfectionism through a loving lens, as just a constellation of thoughts, forming and diss...

The trouble with letting my enthusiasm show is that most of the time I’m afraid I won’t look cool. I’ll be outed for being joyful in a world that’s scary and getting worse. Enthusiasm almost feels inappropriate. But what if enthusiasm is just effort infused by love? And what if we didn’t feel inhibited to bring love – not romantic love but the natural luminosity of our own minds – into our days? W...

I don’t know whether I’m more impatient with the world and the people in it, or with my own impatience.  When I’m impatient with the world and my people, the antidote, patience, feels like it softens striving. And more: patience with family, friends, the way things are, has a kind of alchemical quality. When it arises - in me or in anyone - everyone seems to relax, and to see and listen and care f...

One way of thinking about ethics is that we have a cannon, we have rules, and as lawyers, we’re bound to follow those rules. Another way of thinking about ethics is that on some fundamental level, all ethics are about not causing harm.  From either perspective the question for me is, how to be a ferocious advocate and not cause harm? Which begs a larger question, which is, how can I not only not c...

I like to think of myself as generous. Hopefully so do you. And, I know I could do more. It’s not just about philanthropy although that matters. It’s about being loving, compassionate, and patient, too. And it’s about giving the gift of fearlessness: asking myself how I can help make everyone feel safe and at home, even the “other side,” and even those whose political views are very different from...

With all of this training of the heart and mind, shouldn't we be getting somewhere? I feel like at least we should have something to show for all the hard work. And yet the great teachers all say the same thing: there’s no place to get to and no one to become. There's only the journey of cultivation and letting go. There's only learning to love and slipping up; learning to be more g...

 Once upon a time there was a lazy lawyer. Said no one, ever. How can a lawyer be lazy? They wouldn’t last a minute, in law school or in practice. There’s an endless amount to do, and then there’s more to do later. And our job is to, well, do it all. Well. But maybe there are ways we’re lazy in terms of taking care of ourselves. I’m guilty of that. So...what if we could be a little less lazy about...

Whenever I say or do something unskillful, my first hope is that no one notices. Hat trick.  But let’s say that happens - no one notices. What then? Then, I have to notice. And I need to call myself out. With humor, hopefully – after all, this 'being human' is an imperfect thing - but yes, call myself out. Which means that until the day I’m no longer unskillful, which is probably not eve...

For me, forgiveness is possible in many cases but in this heart, not all. Not all, yet , anyway.  I wish I could forgive the people who caused me grave harm. Because not doing that feels like allowing something to fester.  Underneath not-forgiving, I can feel dread. But about what? That not-forgiving is hurting me, or someone I love? That the people who caused me harm didn’t know, and so obviously...

I want to be loving. I want to not separate people into camps: worthy of my love, not worthy of my love.  Because who am I to decide? No matter what someone has done, no matter their views or even their actions, why would I want to hate them? All that does is create a hole in my heart.  And yet so often, I parse. This person is good, this person is not. This person is giving me what I need, or wan...

For sure I want all the goodies. And I’m pretty convinced that when I finally get them (or when I notice I already have them, if I do ever notice), then I’ll be happy.  And for sure, life doesn’t work like that. The coach passengers want business class seats, business wants first, and first wants a charter. I have no idea what people who own planes want, but you get the point: wanting, grasping fo...

When things go wrong in my life, I tend to think about…me. When things go well, I tend to think about…me, again. I, me, mine. As humans, we’re hardwired for that. Maybe it’s how we protect ourselves. Maybe it’s one way we teach our kids to protect themselves. Maybe it's helped our species survive (or has it?).   What if we thought of others instead, in both instances? What if, when something...

Happiness Without a Hangover   I would love to take credit for that title but it’s from Pema Chodron’s book, The Places That Scare You.  What I think she means is, happiness that’s different from me saying, I won my case! I closed the deal! I got a new coat! Have a glass of champagne! What I think she means is, happiness that I’m here, on the earth, breathing, writing this note. Happiness that thi...

Mostly I’m breathing for myself. But sometimes it feels like the world could use a breath. Things feel tight, the suffering in the room or on the planet seems palpable, and I wonder if I can help.  I wonder if I can help by breathing in for everyone, taking in the intensity, the hardship, the suffering, as if they’re mine. As if all suffering is mine – and ours. And then breathing out peace in pla...

Who are your scariest demons? Mine are the people who scare me in the courtroom, in the conference room, on the news, on the ballot.  Those are my scariest external demons, but my scariest internal demons are different. Or maybe there’s only one: fear. But not fear itself: fear of the world’s pain and suffering. Or more accurately, fear of how it might feel to step into the midst of that pain and...

It’s a conundrum to me when I imagine befriending everyone. How would that even work in the law? Shakespeare’s instruction notwithstanding, how is it possible to strive to the end and then call my adversary friend?  Even more challenging, how can I learn to relate to my frustration and grief with friendliness? When all I really want is for it to stop? And yet this is the path of the warrior. What...

Sure, we’re all warriors in the law. We fight the good fight (and sometimes the bad). But what if, in every fight, we could abandon all weapons except wisdom and compassion? Would we still win our cases? Would our clients come back for more? This is my inquiry for a 2024 that feels just a little bit short on wisdom and compassion. What do you think? Are you willing to be patient, not know if this...

I’ve been thinking about how to say goodbye to 2023. It feels like bowing out of a circle to which, yes, I could definitely say good riddance. But what about all the good? By recollecting and bowing to that goodness, could the scales (of the heart? of justice?) tip just a little (more) towards kindness and wisdom, as we turn, inevitably, towards 2024?  Which is also what I've been wondering:...

These days there's at least one moment if not a thousand moments during my morning sit when I want to scratch my nose, shake the thoughts out of my head, or abandon meditation entirely. It just feels like there's so much to attend to, to be concerned about, to repair. Restlessness and worry are such faithful companions. And yet when I do sit still, so much sweetness arises. And then, wha...

We all know there’s no cure for hot and cold. And still, I find myself trying to solve for just about every discomfort I encounter. It’s exhausting. And there’s a different way. There’s a way of relating to discomfort with ease. Not with resignation, not with resentment, not with anything other than a relaxed mind and body.  When we can do that…we’ll still have hot and cold. What we won’t have is...

Three Things I know for sure Three things I know for sure: everything is always changing. When something unpleasant feels like it'll never change, there it goes, being different. When something good happens and I never want it to change, there it goes, slipping right through my hands. This includes me. That’s the second thing I know. I'm not one, well-defined, knowable, person, someone I...

Sometimes I just can’t get my balance. I’ve caused someone harm, been hurt by the world, lost someone I love. I’m so upset that all I can do is turn away. The ground feels unstable. I’m balancing on the head of a pin.  Sometimes, I can find my balance. It’s the same situation but I don’t turn away. I’m terrified, but still, I stand still. Surprisingly, I neither implode nor dissolve. After a while...

 How often do you tell the uncompromised truth, about yourself, about what you see in others, about what you see in the world? How often do I?  Not often enough, for me anyway. What gets in the way is fear. Too often, I’m afraid to look inwards, and afraid to look outwards, too. I cover for my fear – after all, I’m a lawyer – but I know it’s alive and well. And, finally, after a million hours on t...

I don’t know how to tolerate being terrified but I know that I am terrified a lot. I’m scared that the terrible things happening in other parts of the world or to other people will visit my town, my home, my family.  I’m terrified that when that happens, despite all my training and experience as a lawyer, as a mom, as a yogi and meditator, I won’t know how to help. Or the help I'll be able to...

 I’m noticing that fear and confusion are obfuscating whatever wisdom I have these days. I need as much time as possible for quiet, butt on the cushion or feet on the earth. Then, some very basic wisdom can arise and when it does, it’s just this: the wisdom to be ok with not knowing.  I know it’s no substitute for action, though, and that action is also necessary. Compassion reminds me of that. It...