The Rising Beyond Podcast

There are many horrific consequences of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse.  But I think that this one is probably the most damaging.  During the course of your relationship, your autonomy is systematically taken away from you, which prevents you from being able to leave but even worse it prevents you from living a full and whole life on your terms. In this episode I am going to share the wa...

What does it take to be successful in family court against your narcissistic ex when you have to represent yourself?   If financial abuse has made it impossible for you to afford an attorney or if you have chosen to go pro se after a bad experience with an attorney, what can you do to stack the odds in your favor? On this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast Lisa Johnson with Been There Got Out sh...

How important is it to have a thorough parenting plan if you are divorcing a narcissist? EXTREMELY IMPORTANT! It is possible to limit the opportunities for your ex to file motion after motion (saving you money) and opportunities to exploit your niceness by creating a tight and clear parenting plan.  A clear and detailed plan will better protect you and your children. Some tips and strategies share...

Please do not show up to court with your narcissistic ex-partner thinking that because what you say is true, a judge will believe you. In order to prevent the judge from thinking this is just a “he said, she said” game you need a strong documentation strategy in place.  And because it is likely you have experienced trauma at the hands of your abusive ex-partner you may not show up in a credible wa...

“I’m not sure I can make it through this.”  If you are experiencing post-separation abuse after leaving your narcissistic partner, especially through the family court system it is likely that this thought has run through your head. So, what can you do to get through your family court battle with your mental health and your children’s mental health intact? I am speaking with a friend, advocate, and...

Does it feel like your child has been brainwashed and turned against you? You used to have a close relationship and now that you have separated it has fallen apart? Unfortunately, once your abuser has no other ways to control you, they will likely start using your children.  This doesn’t start just after you have separated though; there are patterns throughout your relationship where your abusive...

What the heck is coercive control anyway?  If you have experienced domestic violence or narcissistic abuse, you have experienced coercive control.  And it’s likely that you have experienced it in ways and by people and systems that are outside of your romantic relationship. In this episode, I have an expert on coercive control, Kate Amber, MS that is going to break it all down for you.  We look at...

Do you feel like you can never trust another person again?  Ever? The coercive nature of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse take aim and destroy your ability to trust in others and trust in yourself.  One of the main reasons for this is because of the different violations of social contracts that you have experienced. The definition of social contracts according to the Oxford Dictionary is “...

The research is clear…our brains change after experiencing domestic violence and narcissistic abuse.  The actual structure of our brains changes after experiencing this long-term coercive control and trauma. If you have experienced brain fog, issues with concentration and focus, constant hypervigilance and irritability, you need to listen to this episode.  My guest, Jennifer Frasier, the author of...

How can you help your child who doesn’t want to go to a visit with their other parent and the visits are court-ordered? As a protective parent, you have a lot of weight on your shoulders.  This is especially true when your child is anxious, acts out, or refuses to go on visits with their other parent and the decision is outside of your control because they are court-ordered.  I decided to do a fol...

Parenting is hard. Parenting a child who is being coercively controlled by their other parent is on a whole different level.  The misconception that domestic violence and narcissistic abuse only harms a parent and not the children living in it is putting children in harm every day. If you are a survivor of relationship abuse and coercive control, you will experience your own triggers as your ex-pa...

“How can I let go of my anger?”  I am asked this question all the time by survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse.  And my answer…”Do you need to let go of your anger?” Your anger is WARRANTED! A recent situation led to an amazing conversation about anger in The Rising Beyond Community and I wanted to share that with you all in this episode.   Anger isn’t good or bad…it just is. So m...

What does an expert with over 30 years of experience specializing in interventions for abusive men and their families think about our family court system?   I had the privilege to sit down with Lundy Bancroft to discuss the current state of our family court system and his thoughts on how it is continuing to harm mothers and their children.  We discuss the recent passing of Kayden’s Law in Colorado...

Did you know that Kayden’s Law passed in Colorado?  Kayden’s Law is one step needed to keep children safe as families go through our family court system. If you are a survivor of domestic violence or narcissistic abuse and you share children with your abuser, it is likely that you will find yourself in a family court battle when you leave.  Our family court system needs significant reform in order...

The myths and misconceptions about domestic violence and narcissistic abuse prevent those who want to support their loved ones who have been victims from supporting them without victim blaming. I asked hundreds of survivors what they felt were the most important things for their support people to understand in order to offer the support they need throughout their healing journey.  I was overwhelme...

Do you remember your lightbulb moment?  Maybe it was the first time you heard the term narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, or love bombing. How can a survivor move from that lightbulb moment to feeling joy and thriving in their lives after an abusive relationship? In this episode, I chat with Tracy Malone about her lightbulb moment and how that has led her to helping hundreds (maybe thousands) of sur...

What constitutes moral injury? It is quite possible that you have experienced enough trauma to have symptoms of PTSD after experiencing domestic violence or narcissistic abuse.  And it is also possible that this is compounded by something even deeper; the destruction of your moral code. As promised in episode 50, I am doing a deep dive into all things moral injury so that I can help you become uns...

Have you even allowed yourself to think about setting goals for your life after surviving an abusive relationship? Instead of just surviving, I want to invite you to set some long-term goals so that you have some direction to start living again. In this episode, we explore some of the most common ideas and goals that survivors long for but do not believe are possible for their lives; finding a sen...

Don’t sign off on your parenting plan until you have listened to this episode!  There may be loopholes that a narcissistic ex-partner will exploit for years to come. Divorcing an abusive ex-partner leads to further abuse, called post-separation abuse, especially if you share children with them.  The way our family court system is set up allows abuse to continue and at times actually seems to suppo...

Testifying in court is an extremely overwhelming and scary experience, especially when you are testifying against your abusive ex-partner. In this episode, I share some tips on things to do before, during, and after a hearing where you will need to testify in family court. Before you show up to court, make sure you have: Organized documentation Practiced with your attorney/divorce coach/therapist...

If you have struggled to move on from your abusive partner and feel a draw to return or if you are a support person who is frustrated and confused as to why someone would continue to return to an abusive relationship, this episode will shed some light on the topic. A trauma bond is a powerful aspect of many abusive relationships and is often overlooked, misunderstood, and minimized.  Its effects a...

The misconception that once a victim leaves an abusive relationship they are safe and can move on leaves the majority of survivors without the support they need and alone as they mitigate post-separation abuse. In her new book, It’s Not “High Conflict” it’s Post Separation Abuse , Kaytee Gillis, LCSW shares the story of this dynamic in a gentle, yet realistic way.  In this episode, we explore some...

If you have tried all of the trauma treatments and still feel stuck as you heal from domestic violence or narcissistic abuse, then moral injury may be to blame. Moral injury refers to the psychological, emotional, behavioral and spiritual distress you feel after exposure to a situation where you feel like you have violated your conscience or moral compass when you take part in, witness, or fail to...

You learn that your high-conflict co-parent has shared lies with the school or your child’s therapist.  You fear that these will be believed automatically and you panic.  How do I defend myself now? It is hard knowing that your narcissistic ex-partner will try to take control of the narrative in every situation they can and that you will have to find a way to defend yourself when the professional...

Did you grow up learning that you were never good enough?  Did it feel normal when your abusive partner started their emotional and psychological abuse in your relationship? Growing up with a narcissistic parent can set you up for unhealthy relationships as an adult. Dr. Praveena specializes in working with adult children of narcissistic parents after her own experiences growing up.  In this episo...