The Rising Beyond Podcast

Isolation as a tactic of narcissistic abuse and domestic violence is fairly well understood, however are there larger consequences to continued isolation post separation? Similar to the scores from the Adverse Childhood Experiences Scale (ACES), isolation has been shown to have long term negative impacts on your physical, mental, and brain health. In this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast you w...

What is Officer Involved Domestic Violence?  This is an area of advocacy where we have known to be a problem for years and it is unspoken; a “dirty little secret.”  Bruce Bieber agreed to share his story as a way to move this issue into the forefront so that change might actually happen. Take care of yourself as you listen to this story. Abigail Rose Bieber, “Abby” to her friends and family, was t...

What happens when you finally find that one or two people who actually get the narcissistic abuse that you have gone through and continue to go through post separation? Oftentimes you might find yourself sharing like water coming out of a fire hose.  The validation and head nods when you are sharing your experiences just increase the amount you are sharing.  And this is solidified when they are ab...

What is a typical pattern or blueprint for the relationship with a narcissist? Love Bombing happens first.  Followed by devaluation.  And then concludes with the Discard. And this cycle happens over and over again within the relationship leaving the victim confused, hurt and willing to do anything just to experience the good times again. But does this pattern happen after a victim separates from t...

What is it going to take for there to be real systemic change?  The state of our family court system for survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse is horrific for so many families.  And recently some of the unethical and biased decisions made by judges has had the curtain pulled back and has made it into the media here in CO.   This episode is a rant and some of my thoughts about every...

How does a narcissistic and abusive partner get you stuck in a relationship? Most of the time it is through love bombing, moving extremely quickly, and coercing you into a larger commitment, like living together, getting engaged or married or having a baby. But what does it look like when the victim says “no?” Oftentimes the perpetrator will find another way, like with reproductive coercion. In th...

Is it easy for you to choose what battles to fight and what battles to let go of when you are co-parenting with your abusive and narcissistic ex-partner? Many of the survivors I have worked with struggle to make this decision based on the judgments of others, the self-doubt, and the weight that their decisions may carry for their children. In this episode, I want to guide you through some question...

Why did I end up in an abusive relationship? There is no one reason or answer to this question with the exception of…your partner chose to abuse you. And I know that this answer does not satisfy anyone.  So we are going to look at one of the factors that make women more susceptible to being targeted by an abusive person and why they are more likely to stay in an abusive relationship.  We are doing...

How can we add a layer of protection for young people so that they can see coercive control in relationships a mile away? What if we brought education about coercive control and teen dating violence into our schools? In this episode, I have a conversation with Lis Hoyte on her goal to bring this education on coercive control and healthy relationships into the school systems in the UK and then acro...

What is the difference between co-parenting and parallel parenting? If you have separated from your narcissistic ex-partner and you share children together, it is likely that you will still have to parent your children together in some capacity.  So, which one is right for you? Co-parenting, in theory, is what is in the best interest of your children. During co-parenting, you are making decisions...

Our family court system continues to harm families on a daily basis.  If you are a survivor of domestic violence, coercive control, or narcissistic abuse and share children with your ex-partner, you are likely experiencing this firsthand. But what can we do about it? We are creating an army of advocates who are passionate about creating massive changes within our larger systems.  And today I have...

If your children have not had contact or very little contact with your abusive ex-partner then it is likely that a judge will court order reunification therapy. What exactly is reunification therapy?  And is it in the best interests of your children? I share the good, the bad, and the ugly aspects of reunification therapy based on my personal experiences of being trained (sort of) and providing re...

“Playing the game” of family court and co-parenting when your ex partner is a narcissist is so mentally taxing and goes against every fiber of the survivors I work with. This episode is a bit of a rant after the themes of the moving goal posts of an abuser and the system, needing a crystal ball to make decisions to ensure safety, and the mental exhaustion all came up in my first few days back from...

What do you do with the story of your abuse? Who do you tell?  What do you tell them?  You will find yourself in many different situations with many different people where you will need to share the same story of your narcissistic abuse over and over again and it is actually important to make a conscious decision on how and what you are sharing with the different people. Today we are going to talk...

If you share more than one child with your narcissistic ex, then it is likely that you have seen your children treated differently. Oftentimes a narcissistic parent creates a dynamic where one child is “the golden child” and another is “the scapegoat.”  The golden child is treated much differently than the other children, getting more attention and special treatment, whereas a scapegoated child wi...

Did you know that there are actually members of law enforcement that understand and want to find solutions to support victims of domestic violence and coercive control? I know for many of you this is hard to believe, and I have found one! In today’s episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast I interview Detective Brandon Wootan on his journey starting a high risk domestic violence team, what it looks li...

What would it be like to get a full night sleep?  Or to be able to focus on the task at hand? After experiencing the trauma of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse many survivors find that their daily functioning completely goes away.  And this makes complete sense, right? The constant trauma while in the relationship and the continued trauma in the aftermath cause a myriad of problems for you...

If you have experienced relationship abuse, then you have experienced trauma. And even if you do not meet all of the requirements for post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) it is likely that some form of trauma therapy will be a helpful part of your healing journey. And if your children have experienced or witnessed any of the abuse or the aftermath of the abuse, then they have experienced trauma a...

Domestic violence and narcissistic abuse strips away your sense of self and autonomy.  One of the most important parts of the healing process is to rediscover who you are and what you value so that you can learn to trust yourself again. As you become curious about who you were before the abuse and who you would like to be after you heal it can be helpful to have a guide to understand what drives y...

Summertime means fun in the sun, getting outdoors, swimming, camping and s'mores.  But will your abusive, high conflict co-parent allow you to enjoy the fun?  They will try to do everything they can to cause conflict and ruin these memory-making times with your children. In this episode we are going to touch on: The challenges that come with a change in transitions if your children have norma...

If you are a victim or survivor of domestic violence or narcissistic abuse you will likely come into contact with a lot of our larger systems. One of them being Child Protective Services (CPS). This may bring up your greatest fear, one that your partner threatened on many occasions; that if you leave they will do everything to take your children away from you.  And if your abuser has done a good j...

If you have ever felt powerless to help your children as they behave in ways that let you know that they are hurting or scared inside, this episode is for you. Parenting is hard even when you are not having to manage all that comes with post separation abuse; which includes the guilt and shame of what your children are experiencing. So, what can you do to help them and parent in a way that will bu...

It is episode 100 and we are flipping the script and doing something completely different.   My good friend, Lundy Bancroft is interviewing ME, so that you can get a behind the scenes look at how I got started doing this work and why I am so passionate about helping you. We touch on the lack of training mental health professionals get specific to working with domestic violence and coercive control...

What does it mean to recover or heal from domestic violence or narcissistic abuse?  I am not sure that there is a universal answer to this question.  So my answer…”It depends.” Your healing journey depends on so many different factors such as: Are you/were you legally married? Do you share children with your abuser? How old are your children? How financially dependent have you been on your abuser?...

How do you know when you are ready to date again after leaving an abusive relationship? It is common that folks find themselves in two camps: I will never date again as long as I live I jumped into a relationship too fast and found myself another abusive, narcissistic A-hole But, for those of you in the middle, this question comes up often.   There is no one right way to make this decision, howeve...