The Leaves of a Victim never more with Steven Wilson

Tonight’s episode is about the problems males have with adult relationships after having been sexually abused as children. These include: trust, power, intimacy, and sexuality.   The most important addressed in therapy is Trust.  And the best way to build trust is through honesty.  I talk about the point of disclosure to someone whom you have a relationship with and how it affects the relationship...

Toonight’s episode deals with the utility of Art Therapy. I have been involved in Art Therapy and created a significant amount of artwork based on past trauma; specifically the rape and abuse I suffered in 7th grade. Members of the adult survivor group found some images disturbing.  I doubt the works will ever be exhibited.  I can’t imagine a gallery willing to take on such a topic in today’s worl...

This weeks episode is about the utility of therapy. The group is for men who were sexually abused as children.  The moderator asked the question , “Why come to therapy?” It was after the session I began to analyze the people in my life outside of the group and to what value or happiness they added to my life.  I wanted to know if I was satisfied or if that was even possible. As a suicide, I also b...

This episode is about Human Value.  This week in group therapy we discussed human value as victims of rape and abuse as children.  The group is Adult survivors of childhood sex abuse.  The group is made up of entirely all men. I noticed that each person spoke of value as X gives my life meaning.  I didn’t ask why they kept replacing meaning with value but I did follow suit. This episode I speak of...

This episode I explore my thoughts about those of us considered to be on the margin of society. I read from Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Fall of the House of Usher” to add the listener in comprehending the mental health of those who believe they themselves are condemned to suffer; to live a life on the margin because they are excluded from normal society as they are deemed by society as abnormal. Being...

Tonight’s show is about Suffering.   I incorporate Metaphysics (philosophy and poetry) as the topic in group has come up before and I feel like it will return. Suffering is relative or subjective and can be done through comparison rationale in the unnatural minds of the sufferer’s, but one must say “I” suffer in order for any healing to take place.  One cannnot say “we” as suffering is relative to...

Today’s topic is change.  This past week the group moderator spoke about us taking all the negative in our lives and converting it into positive. It is true that change is possible, but I don’t believe it can be permanent as it is unnatural to maintain life wearing a costume or to go from one costume to another for the sake of normalcy. Life is about relationships with ourselves and the outside wo...

This episode is about last week’s group therapy discussion and my interpretation on that session. I call addicts and victims of sex abuse Scarecrows set upon fields that grow nothing of value.  The field is a metaphor for the field of psychiatry and the current state of our mental health system here in America. I speak on regrets as grieving and apology and offer a definition of a Scarecrow per We...

In this episode I refer to a book by Beverly Engel called “It wasn’t your fault”.  It was a book brought up in a group therapy session that I and two others had read.  I thought it would be a good topic for a podcast. Her conclusions are based on her 30 plus years as a psychotherapist and as a victim of abuse herself.  She believes that fault will manifest in Shame and that Shame can be negated by...

This episode is another Letter to someone special to me.  I have spent many hours in therapy trying to understand our dynamic.  I have tried in vain to comprehend my own broken heart. I know I hurt her.  I know she brought me back to humanity.  The Monolithic human stone felt again; I just couldn’t handle feelings. I love Lekechia, but we do not talk. My sadness is beyond words right now.  Perhaps...

This episode I write another letter, but this one is to my childhood best friend from Crystal Lake, IL. Jeff lived on Millard st. And I lived on Gardina which is called the Vista or at least is was back then.  We were both the babies or last born in our families.  He had two older brother; dan and Tom.  I had an older sister Marie. We went to West elementary together and called ourselves the Milla...

This episode I write a letter to my first love Mark Wilson (no relation).  He was my first and only relationship with another male.  In therapy it was discussed about my sexuality confusion during this time after the sex abuse I suffered from the Teacher. I have spent many sessions talking about Mark and I; and the conclusion was that I never grieved for his lose.  Which caused latent and represse...

This episode is about my relationship with my older sister Marie who died in a car accident one day after our father had died from COPD Emphysema.

this show took place right after a NA meeting .  Our speaker told her story and how she dealt with different kinds of fear on many occasions. Fighting the fear is unique to us all as is the act of identifying the things that scare us into trying to escape through drugs or by other means.

I have decided to begin by using a therapeutic technique called “Letter to” which is what I would say to the person or persons that I hurt or the person or persons that hurt me. This episode  is to the Teacher who raped and sexually abused me. There are explicit details which may trigger your own past traumas so please be careful.

I maintain the same format as the first episode and compose a letter to my father.  The letter deals with deception, disappointments, and enabling.