The Crappy Childhood Fairy Podcast with Anna Runkle

The way people date in our culture is like throwing spaghetti at a wall. It’s driven by attraction, it goes very fast toward sex, and then (especially if you have CPTSD or attachment wounds because of neglect in your childhood) you’re left totally dependent on the person to come through with the Steadfast love and commitment you expected to find you. But it’s actually very rare that real love find...

A lot of people with Childhood PTSD were fed a steady diet of denial: Bad things things were happening and even if the parents weren’t DOING the bad things, they were incapable of noticing that something was terribly wrong. This may have injured your ability to see things as they are. To read the room. To understand where people are coming from when they say one thing, but do another. And Denial m...

If you were neglected or abused when you were a kid, and you’ve struggled all your life to feel like you’re truly included in groups, this is a classic trauma symptom. Feeling like you don’t belong could happen to anyone, but it’s especially common in people who didn’t receive adequate time and love and connection from their parents. In this video I talk about the way this sense of disconnection b...

When parents don't validate or support their children to confidently express themselves and solve life's problems, the wound to self-esteem can last a lifetime. Healing CPTSD involves recognizing and changing the feeling that you're no good, you don't belong, and you need to play small to avoid pain. In this four-video compilation I teach how early trauma can wound your confidence, and what you ca...

Here’s the hard truth about the wounds of CPTSD and trauma: Some of the things you didn’t GET as a child, can’t be fixed directly. We can’t go back in time. We can’t be children again to receive the proper love and care we needed then. And we can’t save people we lost. But we CAN learn to fill our lives with love and support NOW, and start working on the triggers, and the distorted thinking, and t...

For people who were neglected as children, there’s this very damaging tendency to fall in love, but with the wrong people – those who are married, or so far away the whole relationship is online, or those who are not INTO you. If you’re very, very early in the healing process, it will seem like unavailable people just seem to HAPPEN to you. The truth is both wonderful and hard to hear. People with...

Intense emotional reactions are common in people who were abused or neglected in childhood. They are set off by triggers (stimuli that cause neurological dysregulation), which then prompt emotional reactions, which then can lead to self-defeating behaviors. The behaviors are where you may be keeping your life stuck, and keeping yourself retraumatized. How can you stop? Focus on the reaction. Most...

Growing up without adequate time and care from parents is a form of trauma. In adulthood, it can leave you prone to choosing partners who ALSO starve you for love and attention. Whether you're fallen for someone who can't love you properly, or who is completely unavailable, your attachment to people who can't love you back will keep you stuck in grief, longing and isolation. In this 4-video compil...

It’s normal and common for people who were neglected or abandoned in childhood to fall deeply in love with people who make them feel abandoned and unwanted ALL over again. That’s what limerence is – an obsession or infatuation with someone you can’t have – that becomes a full on addiction. And like all addictions, it can destroy everything meaningful in your life. In this video I respond to a lett...

The “Savior Complex” is a horrible obsession, where instead of getting to know someone and seeing if there is harmony and potential for you as friends or as partners – you immediately imagine a version of them that is DIFFERENT than what they are. And then you set about trying to make them INTO that imaginary person you have in mind. You might call this "helping" them, or "healing" them (for peopl...

The trauma symptom that’s easy to recognize in other people, but SO hard to recognize in ourselves, is damaged perception. Childhood PTSD can make you unable to discern what is true and not true. You can't tell what is your responsibility and what is not your fault, when you’re in danger and when you're just anxious. You end up always doubting yourself -- trusting the wrong people, and failing to...

Limerence is the term for obsessive love for someone you cannot have; it's more than a crush and more than being in love. As it gets stronger, it takes on the characteristics of an addiction. Some say the propensity toward limerence is genetic. Among the hundreds of letters I receive from people suffering with romantic obsession, most had an alcoholic parent, or parents who otherwise could not pro...

Many of us who were abused or neglected as kids are forced to keep our lives small, neglecting the best part of all we can become. Going for big goals takes vulnerability, persistence and the ability to connect with people with calm emotions. If you have CPTSD, any one of these can feel impossible. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who can only be successful if she's willing to prom...

Part of healing from trauma is getting to the point where you can HONESTLY take responsibility for your behaviors (and trauma can activate some harsh behavior!). But just because bad things happened to you in the past, doesn’t mean it’s OK to lash out, or cop out, or try to control other people. Blaming other people, or “parts” of yourself is only going to push the people you’ve further away. If y...

We talk a lot about "red flags" that tell you someone is NOT a good person to date. But what are the signs that someone has the right characteristics to become a good partner? In this video I list the signs to look for in the first few dates. If you have a history of relationships with partners who are emotionally unavailable, inappropriate matches for you, or abuse, you'll want to know these "gre...

Trauma from childhood is associated with brain and emotional dysregulation that can cause a host of other CPTSD symptoms in adults. In this 4-Video compilation, I share my most popular videos on Dysregulation -- what it feels like, what causes it and how learning to re-regulate it can help you feel calmer and more focused, and increase your success in healing. Learn Quick Measures to Get Re-Regula...

All over the world, people who were abused or neglected in childhood are procrastinating, and thinking they are the only one. Freezing up, getting stuck, and struggling to get work done is common for people with CPTSD. And as long as you look at it as just laziness or a character flaw, you might be making the procrastination worse. trauma and the "freeze response" just might set you free. In this...

Avoidance is a style of relating to other people, often driven by past trauma, that can make you feel overwhelmed and anxious even thinking about connecting with other people. If you’ve ever dating an avoidant person, you know how painful it can be to feel like you can never pin them down for plans, or get a commitment from them. And just when relationships start to feel like they’re going somewhe...

Growing up in a chaotic and dysfunctional family can leave you with a wounded ability to connect. And if you have this, you may have the tendency to cling to relationships, or you might respond to things that trigger your connection wound by running away. This is avoidance. And If you've ever fled from a partner, or a friend or family member who cared about you, you know how painful this is -- how...

Neglect and abandonment in childhood can leave you with "crossed wires" -- when someone you love mistreats you, you may feel the uncontrollable urge to make them happy -- to make them love you, even if it means abandoning yourself. In this "best of" compilation, I share four of my most popular videos on the subject of CLINGING in relationships. Do you have CPTSD? Take the QUIZ: Free Pdf Download:...

If you grew up fearing that you were in danger from your own family, you may have developed a strong sense that YOU were responsible to make everyone safe and happy. You’ll see children do this sometimes – completely abandon their own needs because they’re so worried that their mom or dad will not be OK. Your parent not being OK is an existential threat to a kid. It’s hard to imagine you can survi...

The idea that finding the right person will solve all your problems dies hard in the minds of traumatized people. If you were abused or neglected as a child, it can be difficult in adulthood to resist the lure of a relationship – any relationship – as a solution to the feeling that you’re unlovable, alone and lost about what kind of a life you want. This vagueness is like a barn door that’s left o...

12-Step fellowships can be powerful places of healing and connection. But not everyone who goes, gets something out of it. How can YOU get the most of your meetings? Here are 30 lessons I learned from 25 years in the program I attended (for families of alcoholics). Try the FREE Daily Practice Course: FREE Pdf Download: https://bit.ly/3Y4263I Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW E...

Neglect and abandonment in childhood can leave you with "crossed wires" -- when someone you love mistreats you, you may feel the uncontrollable urge to make them happy -- to make them love you, even if it means abandoning yourself. In this "best of" compilation, I share four of my most popular videos on the subject of CLINGING in relationships. Do you have CPTSD? Take the QUIZ: Free Pdf Download:...

If you grew up emotionally neglected, it takes strength to end a breadcrumb relationship. That’s when you’re with someone who gives you JUST enough communication and affection to keep you hooked into them – and nothing more. Ending that kind of relationship is a no brainer when you’re working to transform your life. But what about when you’re in a crisis? Should you take any love you can get, or r...