The Ascertainers

Send us Fan Mail Due to scheduling conflicts (we're both very popular), we had to reach into the pantry and pull an episode off the shelf.  This one can be described as old and sorta loose.  Grow up.  We spend as much time trying to conceal the date of the recording as anything else. Mark sings Newt's gets their beer's worth on this one Classic Civil Defense Warning Radio Game--have...

Send us Fan Mail They say size doesn't matter (well Mark does, anyway), but this one flowed so well, that we ran long.  No extra charge.  This is the second episode of the recording session with our Mystery Guest.  Wide ranging topics and some deep insights that our regular listeners (both of you) might not be used to. Slacks/Trousers/Pants Malcolm in the Middle How guys communicate Nicknames...

Send us Fan Mail Nobody is completely clear as to why today's guest is anonymous.  Maybe he's famous or something.  Jim's famous wife joins as well. Dick & Jane The big anatomy book (the book is big, the anatomy is regular size) Bruce Jennerous Your Digital Oasis The Body Human Golf recap "Have you ever filmed yourself swinging?" Are the Packers for real? QB confidence...

Send us Fan Mail I'd describe this one as bouncy and light.  A couple of decent laughs to be had.  Thanks for listening! The Optimistic Alligator Tamer Vacation Boxing in Bangkok Point of Pride Mickey's Diner > or < Waffle House MN State Fair Airplane was a cover? David Lee Roth is at it again Songs of the Week: Pink Floyd--Learning to Fly Outlaws--Green Grass and High Tides Talk s...

Send us Fan Mail Took a couple of weeks off and the break might have paid off.  You decide... Eric from JL Beers Cracker Barrel Shoutout guests Jack and Jake Newt's--How to eat for $2.13 MN State Fair The miracle of birth Songs of the Week Willie Wisely--Parador Blind Melon--Drive What Jim thinks the road must be like The rest of the Police hate Sting Keith Moon--overrated? Benny Hill Phyllis...

Send us Fan Mail We bring the adult neighbor kids back for a second round.  We tackle some of life's most pressing questions.   The power of enunciation Guest Newt's spot Boo hoo Billy Joel We're Pontiac famous An inch can be a lot The Most Famous Person You've Ever Met Bill Murray wins Songs of the Week Billy Idol--Eyes Without a Face Riley Green--Jesus Saves Billy Idol--Mony...

Send us Fan Mail We are joined by Jack and Jake.  I list Jack first because it was supposed to be just Jack, but Jake pulled a big brother move.  Entertaining episode! The Godfather The Guitar Golf (This episode brought to you by the letter G) OG Neighbor kids meet the new crop At this point in the episode Mark has said about seven words Third Kid tribulations Dicklomat (copyright pending) Mr Bask...

Send us Fan Mail I think this one could crack our top 87 episodes of all time.  It's that good.  For real, it's worth a listen! Joe Namath and hosiery  Who else misses Johnny Carson? RIP Loni Anderson Plastic Surgery Mark's thing Errors and Omissions Who wants ham? Grateful Dead foolery Song of the Week RIP Terry Reid #Newt'sAppleValley TheAscertainers@gmail.com Chef reacts to...

Send us Fan Mail We've hit the big time as we now advertise in the Tomahawk Club Newsletter (Mark's private Pontiac owners club).  I think it's an exclusive.  Wonder what Joe Rogan thinks of THAT! Par 3 golf Newt's awesome new burger Errors & Omissions Ozzy's cool outfit Song of the week Jim:  Wings--Band on the Run Mark:  Fleetwood Mac--Got to Move Is R Kelly becoming...

Send us Fan Mail Reunited after two weeks off from recording, and it feels so good.  Sure, we took a little time away and the world loses the Prince of Darkness, but you know what they say--you gotta break a few eggs. Rough week for Iconic personalities RIP Ozzy--Thanks for the great tunes Songs of the week--Ozzy Flying High Again See You on the Other Side Shout out Lil' Sis, Jill We're...

Send us Fan Mail Pulled this episode off the shelf due to summer schedules.  Originally recorded after Part 1 on March 14.  Swear Alert--Jim drops more F-bombs than usual (he's working on it).  It's probably a function of him overserving himself...  Audio is a little janky at first but gets better. What day do you listen? Newt's shoutout OG Kayla Playdough From the Grave--The Radio...

Send us Fan Mail Jim was on vacation this week, so abbreviated write up.  Round 2 with Chantz and Paris is a good time.  From Mark's out of town drink preferences to drinking too much prune juice in Switzerland--its got something for everyone! Enjoy! #NewtsAppleValley TheAscertainers@gmail.com

Send us Fan Mail Mark's oldest son Chantz and lifelong friend/neighbor Paris join us for a free-flowing conversation that covers a lot of ground.  Something for everyone. Escape plan Guest intro Mark's early driveway The smelter story Newt's initiation Young man, old soul Early musician stories Guest songs of the day Yeah by Usher Let it Happen by Tame Impala King Gizzard Errors and...

Send us Fan Mail Trying out a shorter episode to see if anyone can tell.  We cover a lot of ground with a few laughs. Bring back the Radio Game? Pseudonyms Newt's--Mark's Cheers Errors & Omissions Quarterbacks Jim's Song of the Week Pan O Prog Plaza Stage preview Come meet Mark and Jim Mark's Song of the Week Mark's Motorcycle trip Wall Drug RIP Bobby Sherman and Nick...

Send us Fan Mail This was a tough one to give a title to, as we covered a lot of ground and nothing too specifically.  Some decent laughs though! Gong Show / Match Game babes Tom Jones--Lady Killer Bourbon Jim The Beyond Burger Smash experiment update Newt's--You can also get a salad Songs of the week  Mark--Tryin' by Eagles Jim--Gator Country by Molly Hatchet Dwight Yoakam / Tom Petty C...

Send us Fan Mail Welcome back.  Pretty laid-back episode for you this time. The gout Thanks Reader's Digest Carlos Mencia BeeGees Errors & Omissions Charlie's 100 yard dash fantasy Ewwww Rick Springfield Spoiler Alert:  To Live and Die in LA RIP Jim Marshall RIP Brian Wilson Beach Boys PeeWee, Phil and Norm Newt's--be part of history! #NewtsAppleAvalley TheAscertainers@gmail.com...

Send us Fan Mail Buckle up.  This one goes off road.  A few laughs to be had. Enjoy. Enhanced intro Myriad--take 9 Shaking or nodding? Help from ChatGPT Our fake song You can't see AI live Mark loves kids Shoutout Mancini's Newt's--Your Experimental Burger Leader Errors & Omissions Pee Wee As Himself Doc The Groundlings #NewtsAppleValley #Smash The Ascertainers@gmail.com Pee-wee...

Send us Fan Mail Your boys got things sorted out and are back to our old selves.   Shout out Nilsson and Donovan Things came to a head Lilt Spelling Bee An attempt at a professional intro Jim's doppelganger from Modern Family Theme music appreciation Quagmire Steve Miller, The Baby's and Billy Idol RIP Rick Derringer Wierd Al Yep--Meatloaf Tom Petty--Runnin' Down a Dream Doc Used Gr...

Send us Fan Mail Of course, we mean RUNNING races, which is what we end spending an unusal amount of time discussing.  We do talk about drummers too. Beyond middle age Break in routine Attitude Adjustment Golf Newt's--What's your favorite burger??? Memorial Day Toast Thanks for your service, Mark Steve Tyler vs Kenny the Jet revisted ChatGPT decides the winner Pompatus High Diving With t...

Send us Fan Mail We were recently reminded that we are a technically a music podcast, so we set out to talk about our favorite 4 piece rock bands from the 60's, 70's and 80's.  In the words of Burt Reynolds (as played by the late, great Norm McDonald): Bon Apetit. How are we talking about Meatloaf again?? Powered by Newt's, Apple Valley Errors & Omissions Steve Lukather Ken...

Send us Fan Mail Mad Men era slogans Sellouts Shoutout sister Karen Mark's epic guy move Choose your regret Why Jim was bad in school Osmosis New Burger at Newt's is worth your attention Touche' Cory Your Zebra (the band) leader Amyl & the Sniffers concert review Another Alice Cooper story Check out Sheer Mag (see below) Shoutout Troy G The HR Dept at the Vatican #Newt's #B...

Send us Fan Mail Tonight, we're joined by Jim's wife, Kris.  She brings her cheery personality and fact-checking skills. Spring has sprung New friend at Newt's Attitude Adjustment It's still just myriad Dr Hirt and Dr Payne Hernia check Errors & Omissions Belichick's chick The Blob Chubby Checker Oscar Rules Fluffer TV Talk Peter Wolf Paul Revere and the Raiders Bar co...

Send us Fan Mail Going into this one we each had a bad feeling.... Don't take romance advice from a duck J Geils Band Shoutout Soul Asylum  Mark can't stand it Errors & Omissions Hull people B-52's He writes the songs Elton and Bernie Pat K's Plaid Shirt (as seen at Newt's) Newt's--try the Peanut Butter Bacon Smash Burger Nutty Buddy Contact:  TheAscertainers@gmai...

Send us Fan Mail Jim's brother Jeff joins us for his 4th guest spot.  Kind of an odds n ends episode with some decent laughs. Powered by Newt's Apple Valley The Man's Mall Robbie Robertson--good guy or dick? Billy Powell Columbia Record Club Slap Shot Wide World of Sports F-1 racing Jim's fear of work finding out Kirk Cousins Stone Fruit Radio Game update--still not fully baked...

Send us Fan Mail The post-colonoscopy episode.  Let's see if Jim sounds like he's not as full of sh1t. Procedure notes Met a legend at Newt's (shoutout Greg and Bonnie) Newt's--Legendary Burgers How not to invite a potential guest Most strangers are probably cooler than you  Mark pulls "The Dentist" Bacon denier Errors & Omissions More Kris Kristofferson facts We...