The Ascertainers

Send us Fan Mail Kind of a meandering conversation.  In Jim's opinion, it's some of our best work.  And he doesn't even like this podcast. Powered by Newt's (Apple Valley, MN) Potatoes / Ketchup Demographics Cosby (sorry) Timberlake Jessica Beil (what is this--TMZ?) We are in the future Two man dead pool Songs of the Week The Time of the Preacher--Willie Nelson Shining Star--Je...

Send us Fan Mail This episode has something for everyone.  Philippines history, boxing, burps and one old guy explaining KPOP to another old guy.  Oh, and we're giving away 3 Ascertainers T-shirts!  The Philippines The Ascertainer's Newt's Nachos Challenge (not in any way affiliated with Newt's) Jim time traveled Mark could've been a contender Thai Curry--can't even h...

Send us Fan Mail This one was recorded before Christmas, so any current events won't be covered--which helps the episode.  Also, this is the second episode of the night, so if you detect a slight slurring, there's no need to adjust your settings... Stevie Ray Vaughn and Christopher Cross Connection  Dog days of winter Latitude vs longitude lesson (who says this episode isn't cool) S...

Send us Fan Mail Somehow, we've made 140 of these--very hard to believe.  The over/under number from Vegas was 3.5, so we have technically overachieved.  With that said, this episode covers a lot of ground and while potentially entertaining, won't make you a better person. Brown Sugar--just how? Newt's-- you go there and eat good food Mom updates From genius to idiot to back to geni...

Send us Fan Mail Big news on this one is that Mark's been granted clearance to once again enjoy his favorite beverage--Coors Light (potential sponsor?).  Fun little episode with a nice cause to consider linked at the end of this write up. Shoutout Feegeebandmn for the funky theme music Shoutout Jenson Creative for the spiffy T Shirts Shoutout to Newt's Apple Valley for being the best (an...

Send us Fan Mail Well, just like that, it's Winter in Minnesota.  We are joined on this one by the lovely and talented (and tolerant), Kris--Jim's wife. Sea Monkeys Missionary Songs of the Week: The Spirit of Christmas--Ray Charles O Holy Night--Carrie Underwood Petri Dish Mile High Club Passing the Curling torch Christmas Memories Baby it's Cold Outside Dean Martin Bill Maher Conan...

Send us Fan Mail Recorded a matinee following Thanksgiving.  Mark is still on the wagon, and Jim is just getting started, so this one is a bit more coherent than most.   Ever pooped on a plane? Thanksgiving recap Shoutout to our Selena! Football halftime shows Post Malone, Jack White and Eminem Sides/leftovers Dutch oven variations That Gomer Pyle sure can sing Lawrence Welk Songs of the Week: Law...

Send us Fan Mail Today we look at one hit wonders, who prove that to be a known band takes more than one song.  No kidding.  Buried on the One Hit Wonder discussion:  Salute to Service--Thanks Mark, and who was more useless between Oates, Richard Carpenter and The Captain?   More links will be added shortly. Candy Corn facts Halloween disappointments A fist of Gatorade Current events and history Z...

Send us Fan Mail We are just getting back to this following our hiatus, and either Jim was way too amped up or Mark sabotaged Jim in editing to make it sound like he was interrupting--a lot.  You be the judge. I scream you scream Shoutout Alex and Paul for our theme music Gleemer Thank you for your service, Mark Back to ice cream novelties Farewell Pat and Sue The lost art of imagination Mystery T...

Send us Fan Mail Hey everybody--did you miss us?  We had to take a couple of weeks off because Joe Rogan's representation suggested that our ratings were becoming problematic.  We rode it out and are glad you came back! The streak is broken Mark has something to say Shoutout the wonderful Dianne! Gateway meat How to get a Dr  Sponge bath confessions Puddy Song of the Week The Question--Moody...

Send us Fan Mail Back from 3 weeks off and it only kind of shows.  Jim is sorry for the excessive use of the F word.  Stick and stones, people... Bucket trap Newt's--Exciting new menu item:  Milkshakes! Shoutout Lance from ThinkDrinkDisney Song of the Week: VanHalen--Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love Government Mule and Friends--Soul Shine RIP Local Newsman Stan Turner Deviled Ham Coach...

Send us Fan Mail Due to scheduling conflicts (we're both very popular), we had to reach into the pantry and pull an episode off the shelf.  This one can be described as old and sorta loose.  Grow up.  We spend as much time trying to conceal the date of the recording as anything else. Mark sings Newt's gets their beer's worth on this one Classic Civil Defense Warning Radio Game--have...

Send us Fan Mail They say size doesn't matter (well Mark does, anyway), but this one flowed so well, that we ran long.  No extra charge.  This is the second episode of the recording session with our Mystery Guest.  Wide ranging topics and some deep insights that our regular listeners (both of you) might not be used to. Slacks/Trousers/Pants Malcolm in the Middle How guys communicate Nicknames...

Send us Fan Mail Nobody is completely clear as to why today's guest is anonymous.  Maybe he's famous or something.  Jim's famous wife joins as well. Dick & Jane The big anatomy book (the book is big, the anatomy is regular size) Bruce Jennerous Your Digital Oasis The Body Human Golf recap "Have you ever filmed yourself swinging?" Are the Packers for real? QB confidence...

Send us Fan Mail I'd describe this one as bouncy and light.  A couple of decent laughs to be had.  Thanks for listening! The Optimistic Alligator Tamer Vacation Boxing in Bangkok Point of Pride Mickey's Diner > or < Waffle House MN State Fair Airplane was a cover? David Lee Roth is at it again Songs of the Week: Pink Floyd--Learning to Fly Outlaws--Green Grass and High Tides Talk s...

Send us Fan Mail Took a couple of weeks off and the break might have paid off.  You decide... Eric from JL Beers Cracker Barrel Shoutout guests Jack and Jake Newt's--How to eat for $2.13 MN State Fair The miracle of birth Songs of the Week Willie Wisely--Parador Blind Melon--Drive What Jim thinks the road must be like The rest of the Police hate Sting Keith Moon--overrated? Benny Hill Phyllis...

Send us Fan Mail We bring the adult neighbor kids back for a second round.  We tackle some of life's most pressing questions.   The power of enunciation Guest Newt's spot Boo hoo Billy Joel We're Pontiac famous An inch can be a lot The Most Famous Person You've Ever Met Bill Murray wins Songs of the Week Billy Idol--Eyes Without a Face Riley Green--Jesus Saves Billy Idol--Mony...

Send us Fan Mail We are joined by Jack and Jake.  I list Jack first because it was supposed to be just Jack, but Jake pulled a big brother move.  Entertaining episode! The Godfather The Guitar Golf (This episode brought to you by the letter G) OG Neighbor kids meet the new crop At this point in the episode Mark has said about seven words Third Kid tribulations Dicklomat (copyright pending) Mr Bask...

Send us Fan Mail I think this one could crack our top 87 episodes of all time.  It's that good.  For real, it's worth a listen! Joe Namath and hosiery  Who else misses Johnny Carson? RIP Loni Anderson Plastic Surgery Mark's thing Errors and Omissions Who wants ham? Grateful Dead foolery Song of the Week RIP Terry Reid #Newt'sAppleValley TheAscertainers@gmail.com Chef reacts to...

Send us Fan Mail We've hit the big time as we now advertise in the Tomahawk Club Newsletter (Mark's private Pontiac owners club).  I think it's an exclusive.  Wonder what Joe Rogan thinks of THAT! Par 3 golf Newt's awesome new burger Errors & Omissions Ozzy's cool outfit Song of the week Jim:  Wings--Band on the Run Mark:  Fleetwood Mac--Got to Move Is R Kelly becoming...

Send us Fan Mail Reunited after two weeks off from recording, and it feels so good.  Sure, we took a little time away and the world loses the Prince of Darkness, but you know what they say--you gotta break a few eggs. Rough week for Iconic personalities RIP Ozzy--Thanks for the great tunes Songs of the week--Ozzy Flying High Again See You on the Other Side Shout out Lil' Sis, Jill We're...

Send us Fan Mail Pulled this episode off the shelf due to summer schedules.  Originally recorded after Part 1 on March 14.  Swear Alert--Jim drops more F-bombs than usual (he's working on it).  It's probably a function of him overserving himself...  Audio is a little janky at first but gets better. What day do you listen? Newt's shoutout OG Kayla Playdough From the Grave--The Radio...

Send us Fan Mail Jim was on vacation this week, so abbreviated write up.  Round 2 with Chantz and Paris is a good time.  From Mark's out of town drink preferences to drinking too much prune juice in Switzerland--its got something for everyone! Enjoy! #NewtsAppleValley TheAscertainers@gmail.com

Send us Fan Mail Mark's oldest son Chantz and lifelong friend/neighbor Paris join us for a free-flowing conversation that covers a lot of ground.  Something for everyone. Escape plan Guest intro Mark's early driveway The smelter story Newt's initiation Young man, old soul Early musician stories Guest songs of the day Yeah by Usher Let it Happen by Tame Impala King Gizzard Errors and...

Send us Fan Mail Trying out a shorter episode to see if anyone can tell.  We cover a lot of ground with a few laughs. Bring back the Radio Game? Pseudonyms Newt's--Mark's Cheers Errors & Omissions Quarterbacks Jim's Song of the Week Pan O Prog Plaza Stage preview Come meet Mark and Jim Mark's Song of the Week Mark's Motorcycle trip Wall Drug RIP Bobby Sherman and Nick...