Psychology to Live By

This Roundtable discusses the ‘Unflappable Happiness of Being Average' podcast. It was a wide-ranging discussion including: how we reconcile healthy self-esteem garnered from the people that matter, from our need to manage broader social esteem from those who don’t really know us; the problem of all parents tending to believe their kids are ‘above average’ and the formation of Fixed Mindsets;...

In this second ‘Unimproving’ podcast we emphasise that trying to improve self is a grievous mistake, but improving knowledge, skills and aptitudes is an excellent path to happiness – when done for the intrinsic enjoyment of the activity and when driven by curiosity.  Seven practical antidotes for self-improvement are then offered. These include: self-compassion practices; engaging in act...

In ‘Unimproving Part 2: The Antidote’ we emphasize that trying to improve self is a grievous mistake, but improving knowledge, skills and aptitudes is an excellent path to happiness – when done for the intrinsic enjoyment of the activity and when driven by curiosity.  Seven practical antidotes for self-improvement are then offered. In the Roundtable there were numerous topics raised: the distincti...

In 'Unimproving Part 1: Original Sin' I take aim at self-improvement, arguing that this confuses our essential worth, our being, with what we do.  It plays on our real need for esteem and pits us against presentations of perfection and elite performance that create in us a continuous sense of not being good enough.  This is best (or rather worst) exemplified in the profound distortions o...

In ‘Unimproving Part 1: Original Sin’ I suggest that self-improvement often confuses our essential worth, our being, with what we do.  It plays on our real need for esteem and pits us against presentations of perfection and elite performance that create in us a continuous sense of not being good enough.  In this Roundtable we discussed a range of implications: that unimproving is complex and not a...

Part 3 of 'Have a Holiday on Your Holiday dives deeper into how we can actually enjoy ourselves more. It turns out this is not as easy as we might think, and we use Arthur Brooks' idea of happiness being comprised of enjoyment, satisfaction and purpose as a framework to explore how we can deepen our enjoyment of our holidays. We can increase our enjoyment by remembering to savour our exper...

Part 4 of the 'Have a Holiday on Your Holiday' series gives advice on how to design and successfully implement New Year Resolutions. Typically such resolutions are merely wishful thinking and 80-90% of them fail to materialize! We follow the much more practical guidelines suggested by James Clear and summarize his 5 principles for real behavior change: Principle 1: Pick one thing and do it...

This Q & A begins with a brief summary of podcasts 3 & 4 of the holiday series. Topics discussed included: the importance of active appreciation, the impact we have on others if we are a 'joy-suck', and how being a 'satisficer' is a beneficial mindset to cultivate; stretch goals and how compound interest is the process that drives marginal gains; why New Year resolutions ar...

'Have a Holiday on Your Holiday, Part 2' examines how to implement your plan for enjoying your break. Whatever your purpose for your holiday, what obstacles are likely to arise and how might you deal with them? The key is to get the support of those close to you. You'll then have to have effective ways for either saying'no' to others or, more likley, say 'no-ish' as you...

The second rountable in the holiday series begins with a short summary of the podcast and is followed by a vibrant discussion of these issues: the importance of declining requests without giving justifications (which can inadvertently suggest declining is somehow wrong); making the holiday plan a family exercise whicih means all can have their priority needs met, provides a framework for what we s...

Podcast 1 of 'Have a Holiday on Your Holiday' begins with the multiple reasons that holidays can be disapointing, often in fact leading to more stress and fatigue than being at work! Family dynamics, difficult relatives, too many events that are too long, loneliness, overindulgence, financial pressures, juggling of commitments, travel... the list is long and challenging! This podcast focus...

This Rountable begins with a summary of the podcast's theme that we need to formulate a plan and purpose so we can have a holiday on our holidays. Issues discussed included: how holidays can just feel like one big obligation and the challenge of determining between 'must-haves' and 'nice-to-haves'; having to deal with people who take offence at you choosing to prioritise yourse...

At some level, we are all potentially afraid of other people and they can be afraid of us. Fear of others is merely the dark side of our extraordinary sociality; our joy in connecting with those around us and our dependency on others to survive, let alone thrive. It also reflects our evolutionary past in which strangers were probably initially to be regarded as enemies until they proved themselves...

This Roundtable discusses the podcast  Being At Ease With Others  which explores the concept of general unease around others, a kind of background social nervousness that is universal. The general conclusion of the podcast was that we should be proactive in setting others at ease and learn how to trust others as a default. Topics explored in the Roundtable include: the way that managers’ trust in...

Human beings are designed to hate uncertainty, often equating it with threat.  One solution to this is that we simplify reality using schemas – which are quick-and-dirty approximations of reality.  They work remarkably well, but also lead to systematic errors and biases.  These errors are exaggerated by the fact that the world we now live in is in so many significant ways not the ki...

In the podcast ‘Embracing Uncertainty’ it is proposed that Human beings are designed to hate uncertainty, often equating it with threat.  One solution to this is that we simplify reality using schemas – which are quick-and-dirty approximations of reality.  They work remarkably well, but also lead to systematic errors and biases. In this Roundtable there were many talking points: how will we adapt...

Part 2 of this mental health series provides advice on three tricky situations when managing people with mental health issues in the workplace: 1. How to balance your duty of care with your duty to manage performance; 2. How to decide how much empathy and negative consequences to direct to a person with a mental health issue who is causing harm to others; 3. How to deal with people with nasty pers...

This Roundtable discusses the podcast 'Mental Health Part 2: Managing Mental Health' which explores three main topics: managers need to balance their duty to manage performance with their duty of care, managers should balance empathy and consequences according to the employee's insight and remose, and the problems caused by maladjusted personality traits. Topics explored in the Roundta...

Part 1 of this two-part mental health series provides practical guidelines in conducting a helping conversation with someone we’re concerned about. It begins with an inclusive definition of mental health with brief outlines of its prevalence and causes.  We distinguish mental health from wellbeing, indicating for example, that you can have high wellbeing and also have a mental health diagnosi...

This Roundtable begins with a brief summary of the 'Mental Health: Helping Conversationally' podcast, highlighting the use of the 'OARS" technique to quickly establish rapport and to encourage professional assistance to people struggling with ill mental health. Topics discussed in the Roundtable include: how to deal with people's reluctance to talk by 1. using obervabe facts,...

'Quieting the Mind Part 1' explores the nature of mindfulness and the very considerable physical, cognitive and emotional benefits that accrue from developing this capability. A quiet mind is a strong mind and leads to efficiency, mental clarity and high productivity. In this and the following talk we’ll examine why and how this is so. In Part 1 we examine the reasons that a quiet mind is so benef...

In Part 1 of ‘Quieting the Mind’ we examined the reasons that a quiet mind is so beneficial, and we looked at two practices to induce it: extended out-breathing and a simple mindfulness meditation. In part 2 of ‘Quieting the Mind’ we explore other ways to develop mindfulness: everyday mindfulness, interpersonal mindfulness, and using mindfulness to increase our emotional intelligence. Everyday min...

The podcast ‘Practising Realistic Optimism’ looks at practical ways to develop realistic optimism: an orientation that emphasizes what we can do rather than what we can’t do. It is practising the art of the possible.  Human freedom lies in the changes we can make to our experience by either changing the world (where we can), but mostly by changing our mindset in terms of: 1. what we pay atten...

This Roundtable features the podcast ‘Quieting the Mind: Part 1’ which examined the reasons that a quiet mind is so beneficial, and which looked at two practices to induce it: extended out-breathing and a simple mindfulness meditation. Discussion topics that emerged in the Roundtable included that: the mind’s resistance to quieting is in part a natural hypervigilance  that is a self-care mechanism...

This Roundtable features the podcast ‘Quieting the Mind: Part 2’ I which examined other ways to develop mindfulness: everyday mindfulness, interpersonal mindfulness, and using mindfulness to increase our emotional intelligence. The discussion that emerged included how we can build the capacity to utilize the 200ms window to ‘reel back in’ our very fast emotional reactions before they  hijack us; h...