Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

In this episode, Mark and Steve address what can often be a confusing topic for couples—when it comes to recovery, healing, boundaries and consequences, what is my side of the street vs. his side of the street? How do I know when I've crossed the line?  Here's a question sent in by a PBSE listener about this challenge— Guys, do you have anything to share for those of us unsure of when we...

Recovery from Porn/Sex Addiction and healing from Betrayal Trauma are HUGE commitments, take a long time and are HARD work. It can be easy in the early to mid stages of that journey to wonder if success is really possible and if all this "crap" we're going through is really worth it! In this episode, Mark and Steve share their personal experiences and the experiences of working with...

Too often, those struggling with porn/sex addiction focus primarily on their outward addiction behaviors--the "symptoms" of addiction. Many believe, "Once I get sober, I'll be good to go." While sobriety is crucially important, it is NOT "recovery." If an addict is unwilling to look beyond the addiction behaviors to the deep "core issues" driving their...

In this episode, Mark & Steve respond to a painful situation sent in by a PBSE listener. Her spouse was caught in an affair, which uncovered 6 years of multiple affairs and other sex addiction behaviors. Her addict spouse has been in dedicated recovery for some time now and in that process he has disclosed something that is enormously hard for her to accept. Here's how she describes it— &...

In this episode, Mark & Steve address a very common "painful" behavior that the partners of porn addicts can often engage in. A PBSE listener sent in a description of her situation:  her boyfriend is currently in recovery for porn addiction and making a lot of great progress. Like nearly all addicts in recovery, he still does have occasional slips back into porn use. He shares these...

A PBSE listener describes a situation that many partners of addicts face. Here's how she describes it. See if you can relate— My partner has been in recovery for only 3 months now and it was then that I found out about all of the disclosure of his addiction. He has had 2 relapses since then and has been honest about where he is in his recovery. He is in a 12 step program and has expressed tha...

This episode is in response to a situation shared with us by a PBSE listener. She is currently engaged to a guy in his mind twenties who has struggled with porn addiction since age 9 or 10 and other more severe forms of sexual addiction in later years. He IS in active recovery; seeing a therapist; working a program and has 160 days of sobriety—the longest in his life. Here's her questions— My...

Here's a raw, heart-felt submission from a PBSE listener— Hello Mark and Steve, I am a recovering porn addict and the grateful husband of the listener whose question about foreboding joy you answered in episode 107, “How Can I Ever Dare to Trust Him Again?” If you have time, I would be grateful for your insights on the two questions below. I tried to provide context without becoming too long-...

In this episode, Mark and Steve address a "couple's issue" that is unfortunately all-too-common:  In the wake of addiction and betrayal trauma, the relationship grows stale, becomes ambivalent and indifferent—it feels like the spark and chemistry are very low or even gone. Here's how one PBSE listener describes this situation— As a betrayed partner (married 30+ yrs), my concern...

As we look at moving into a new year, many addicts in recovery and spouses healing from betrayal trauma, wonder if their year and experience will ever be "normal" again. Will they ever be able to go to the beach or a BBQ or pool party ever again without one or both being triggered? Can we watch any movies other than G-rated without the risk of something sexual popping up? How can 2023 be...

If we're not mindful and proactive, addiction and betrayal trauma can turn our Holidays into constant "fires" that we run around putting out. Instead, how can we become the proactive "architects" of our Holidays and of 2023? Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!&...

We recently received a VERY raw, vulnerable and transparent communication from one of our PBSE listeners who is struggling with porn addiction and has some very pointed questions. Here are some excerpts of what he sent us— I have been battling with porn and sex addiction off and on for the better part of 25 years. In my younger years, I was able to break free of it . . .  Now, a number of years la...

Mark & Steve rarely address issues with kids and teens on PBSE podcast. However, two PBSE listeners submitted questions in this area. One is in addiction recovery and wants to know HOW to help his three young children (one more on the way) grow up to be sexually healthy adults who are not "set up" for addiction. The other listener, also in recovery, has a 16-year-old son who recently...

This PBSE episode comes from a very bold, but authentic situation and question from one of our listeners— I am a betrayed spouse and just listened to Episode 37, “I’m not Sexually Attracted to my Partner.” I was so hoping you would also be dealing with the betrayed spouse’s feelings of not being attracted to their partner. Because that’s where l am. After 24 years of absolutely no sex or sexually...

In episode 150, Mark & Steve tackle a situation submitted by a PBSE listener— Her partner of 3 years came forward and admitted to her that he's been hiding his porn use from her their entire relationship. He was humble, willing and indicated that he would get help and do whatever it takes to break out of this. Then, a short time later, he made a 180 degree turnaround and blamed all of it...

In episode 149, Mark & Steve reach out to an addict in recovery who expressed some very deep feelings and meaning questions— Hi Mark and Steve, I love your podcast and have learned a ton from your experiences! Thank you for all that you do for the SA recovery community! I'm a betraying partner in recovery from porn and sex addiction. I've been working with a CSAT for 10 months and en...

This is a special podcast and the first of its kind here at PBSE. In this episode, PBSE Co-Founder Steve Moore, goes “solo” and talks raw and real about how, in October, he celebrated 8 years of total sobriety from porn and sex addiction! Steve shares the incredible recovery lessons he’s learned along the way and HOW you can be SUCCESSFUL! Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary onlin...

In this episode, Mark & Steve respond to a spouse's heart-felt description of the EXTREMELY traumatizing situation with her addict partner. Her words JUMPED out at Mark & Steve and they have a LOT to say to her and her partner!!!  Here are the words she sent in to PBSE— I have been married to my husband for 10 years. We have 2 young children and I have been aware of my husbands addict...

In this episode, Mark and Steve address a very unfortunate, but all-too-common challenge for the partners of porn/sex addicts. Here's how a PBSE listener describes her extreme difficulty with this issue— I feel like I now understand, to a maybe uncomfortable degree, what’s going on in his head when we’re in public and an attractive girl is nearby. Y’all talk about “scanning a room” but, now I...

In this episode, Mark & Steve respond to a PBSE listener's questions about "polygraphs" and their role in Disclosure to a partner— Hi Mark & Steve, I am really enjoying your podcast, and have been in recovery for just over 9 months. I am listening to the podcast in order and am on episode 72, so forgive me if you have covered this topic. My question is regarding polygraphs....

In this episode, Mark & Steve address a very difficult and painful situation and questions submitted by a PBSE listener. Her spouse has engaged in sexual practices with her where she did NOT give her "consent" and definitely fall under the definition of  "abusive." How can you KNOW with certainty when certain sexual practices in your relationship are "safe" and wh...

I this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a spouse who sent in a CRAZY HARD situation she is facing! Her courage, authenticity and wisdom are very impressive! Hi Mark and Steve! First of all, I just want to say thank you so much for doing these podcasts. I am married for 19 yrs and we are together for 20. I am brand new to this scene. Just found out in the last 3 weeks that my husband has severe s...

A PBSE listener sent in a very raw and vulnerable situation and question. Here's what she said—  I've heard the term "sexual anorexia" and this describes [my husband] to a tee! I've been binging your podcast recently and it seems you guys are always talking about wives setting boundaries around not having sex until feeling safe, but I have the opposite issue. He never want...

The Problem— - RECOVERY/HEALING NEVER WORKS IN A VACUUM! - Isolation, in all of its forms, decreases safety, encourages avoidance, feeds addiction and trauma responses, and deepens the issues for both the addict and the spouse. - For Addicts: you cannot put the load of your recovery on your spouse—it will hinder her healing. - For Spouses: the source of your trauma CANNOT be the sole source of you...

The Problem— - Addicts: lack of skillset in connecting; inability to regulate emotional states; lacking insight/empathy into the reality of others; consumed by shame, which overrides other emotions; defaulting to dysfunctional past relationship patterns—“relationship ruts” - Partners: Trauma inhibits the ability to be present to "hear," or to even trust their partner; tension often preve...