Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

In Episode 190, Mark and Steve take on some excellent questions asked by a PBSE listener. He is in good, solid, active recovery from porn/sex addiction and alcoholism. He is doing a LOT of right things and amassing some really good sobriety. But, based on his long history of addiction, lying, gaslighting, etc., she is having a hard time believing that he is doing as well as he claims. Here's...

In Episode 189, Mark and Steve answer three critical questions sent in by a PBSE listener who is trying to balance her own healing from sexual trauma and her relationship with a 15-year-porn-addict who refuses to get into recovery.  And he insists on a long-distance, "digital/cyber" sexual relationship. Here's her situation— " My partner and I are long distance. He has been a p...

Episode 188 addresses a PBSE Listener's painful situation and heart-felt, crucial questions: "Hi Mark and Steve, Firstly I want to thank you for hearing my previous question about my addict partners "empathy Button" being broken. Your podcast really reiterated that we are on the right track. Our disclosure day was with a Sex Addiction Specialist and we are both in ongoing thera...

In Episode 187, Mark & Steve take on a topic and question from a PBSE listener that hasn't been specifically addressed on the podcast before. Here's what a listener submitted— " Hi Mark and Steve - long time listener now and I've recommended your podcast many times to others in recovery. Thank you for all you professionalism, vulnerability, and all the resources you've...

In episode 186, Mark & Steve address a very difficult and sensitive topic sent in to PBSE by the partner of an addict in recovery— "My husband and I have been in healthy recovery for an extended amount of time. He thinks someone can be objectified whether they have clothing or not, so if he wants to watch a movie where he knows there is a scene with nudity—that has nothing to do with the...

The title for Episode 185 may sound a bit strange—"My Porn/Sex Addict Partner’s 'Empathy Button' is Broken! What Can I Do?" Actually, the idea of a "broken empathy button" comes from a PBSE listener who sent us the following situation and plea for help— " I am the betrayed partner of a sex addict and we are around 2 months into our journey at this point—very earl...

In Episode 184, Mark and Steve respond to a PBSE listener's situation and question. This is a VERY common situation that MANY partners describe who are struggling under the heavy burden of Betrayal Trauma— " My husband acts out & then completely turns inward about how awful of a person  he is & in turn I feel like he pushes me away. How do I as a partner in betrayal react to this...

Almost 30 years ago, when PBSE co-founder Steve Moore was 13-years-old, his father was killed in a plane crash. This traumatic event played a big role in Steve developing an addiction to pornography as a young teen. A few weeks ago, Steve traveled to his father's plane crash site to "uncover the wreckage of his past." In this special episode, Steve relates his experience directly to...

In Episode 182, Mark and Steve respond to a very authentic, vulnerable and VERY direct question from a PBSE listener— " Can you address this question on your podcast?  I want my partner to suffer the same hurt as he inflicted on me. I actually want him to feel terrible. Why do I feel this way. How can I stop feeling this way? " -  What does "Betrayal Trauma" look like and feel...

In episode 180, Mark and Steve address an insightful inquiry from a porn/sex addict seeking a real and lasting change of heart and mind in his recovery. Here's how he describes his situation— " Hello! I am a recovering porn addict, and I have been listening to your podcast for the past six months or so. I have had a CSAT for the past nine months and started going to 12-step meetings arou...

We KNOW this episode title sounds crazy! But, many partners of porn/sex addicts face some hard decisions about where to "draw boundaries" as they try to navigate the relationship moving forward. In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a PBSE listener's genuine concerns and questions about discovering her new spouse has tens of thousands of dollars of credit card debt as a result...

In Episode 178, Mark and Steve address an all-too-common situation and question faced and asked by porn/sex addicts in recovery and their partners seeking to heal from betrayal trauma—"Should there be a limit on how long and how many times difficult feelings can be felt, expressed and processed; how long and how many times betrayal trauma can resurface, be confronted and shared; how long befo...

In Episode 177, Mark and Steve address a very heart-felt question sent in by a PBSE listener— " My partner recently came clean to me about porn addiction and online disloyalty, as well as checking out my friends. He insists that these other women's appearances have very little to do with his sexual attention towards them, and he wasn't even really attracted to them. He says it was a...

In this episode Mark and Steve address a super common question—if "sex is optional" in a relationship, then how can a couple possibly stay connected?!  This question actually came in recently from a PBSE listener. Here's how she asked it— " Hi, I’ve been binge listening to your podcast for a few days now to try to understand my partner’s addiction. I have been able to take away...

Episode 175 finds Steve and his wife on vacation on the island of Hilo in Hawaii. Hilo is the site of an actual "active" volcano. While there, they observe that there are limited "solid footpaths" around the volcano and a LOT of areas of "thin crust" where the lava is flowing one or two inches below the surface! The surface "looks" solid, but step on it and...

The partners of sex/porn addicts can find it difficult or near impossible to discern whether or not their partner is still "stuck in addiction" or in actual "real recovery." Here's how a PBSE listener describes this frustrating, painful experience— 1 year ago, iIfound my husband of almost 25 years has been addicted to porn our whole marriage and he had racked up  tens of t...

Healthy Boundaries are CRITICAL to our individual happiness and authenticity—AND—to our connection as a couple. But when we're not experienced with setting and holding healthy boundaries and/or we've spent our lives "going along to get along," it can be all-too-easy to "weaponize" what could otherwise be healthy boundaries—sabotaging our own authenticity and and conne...

In Episode 172, Mark and Steve tackle a topic that is extremely difficult, triggering and traumatizing for the partners of porn/sex addicts and even for the addicts themselves—the line between "attraction and lust." This episode is in response to a situation and questions submitted by a PBSE listener— Hi Mark and Steve, The PBSE podcast really has been such a Godsend helping inform my hu...

Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is a VERY common challenge among those struggling with porn/sex addiction AND also common for addicts in recovery. The discussion in Episode 171 is in response to a question from a PBSE listener— Hello, I’m an addict in recovery. I’m in good solid recovery I listen to multiple podcasts a day I go to therapy once a week, im working on an empathy workbook in my free time an...

Once an addict starts into recovery and his partner begins her journey of healing betrayal trauma, a couple should immediately look at the difficult but essential work of SETTING BOUNDARIES. Why? Because the most connected relationships are BOUNDARIED RELATIONSHIPS!  The first priority is to set boundaries that create "safety" in the relationship. Without safety, what every couple desire...

In episode 169, Mark and Steve address a very raw and real scenario and question from the partner of a porn/sex addict. As a partner trying to heal from Betrayal Trauma, she feels a lot of resentment toward her addict partner who is in recovery and she wants to know HOW to process through these very legitimate feelings— Hi! I would love to hear a discussion of the effect of resentment on the partn...

We have all suffered from "communication trauma" in our life experiences! This can too easily get in the way and/or sabotage healthy communication and connection in our current relationships. Here's how a PBSE listener expressed the challenge she is having with her partner who is an addict in recovery— Hi. I was wondering if you could do a podcast on communication. My partner is a r...

In this episode,  Mark & Steve address a PBSE listener's question about WHY she has trouble standing her ground, having a voice, speaking her truth and holding boundaries with her porn/sex addict partner. She is suffering from a very common "thinking error" known as the "fallacy of fairness." Too often, we base whether or not we ourselves or our partner has an "eq...

In this episode, Mark and Steve review what is an often mismanaged or overlooked “critical” part of porn/sex addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing—the “Formal Disclosure Process.”  -  How NOT to do a disclosure:  go-it-alone; “wing it;” engage in “staggered disclosures;” etc. -  How to PREPARE for a Disclosure–both the addict and the partner -  What the “day of disclosure” looks like -  C...

   What is a "Couples Check-in" and WHY is it so ESSENTIAL to your relationship success?    What are the BARRIERS to the Couples Check-in?    How to use the "Core Couples Check-in" format to succeed when all else fails! Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You...