Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and real about their personal "God journeys"—how God operated in their lives BEFORE recovery and healing (crazy dysfunctional!)—and how their God relationships evolved in ways that literally "saved" their lives and marriages. Maybe in your individual and couple recovery and healing you could use a personal "God assessment." Fin...

When things have been going well for awhile in addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing, there can be a temptation to relax the boundaries we've agreed to. This can also seem like a viable option when things are continuing to fall apart in the relationship. In either situation, experience tells us that the BEST chance your marriage has is within the safety and growth of BOUNDARIES . In...

We live in a culture that can easily tend to make physical/sexual attraction the "be all, end all," in marriage relationships. In this episode, Mark and Steve share their own raw and real marriage experiences in relation to this poignant and difficult topic: Sexual passion/attraction is a force that "acts upon us." On the other hand, "Love" is a force we "choose...

Our most DIFFICULT conversations can also be the most CONNECTING! In this episode, Mark and Steve get raw and real about WHY we avoid difficult and uncomfortable conversations and HOW we can turn these situations into TRUE CONNECTION! If you're a couple where many or most of your hard conversations turn negative and divisive, this episode will help you understand "why" that happens...

Porn addiction, Betrayal Trauma and other challenges can plunge us hopelessly into a seemingly perpetual pattern of Negative Relationship Patterns! This constant negativity wears us down until we can't see EVER having a happy, connected, fulfilled relationship. In this episode, Mark and Steve speak from personal marriage experience, as well as years of working with couples, about WHY we get t...

It's natural to avoid pain--that protection mechanism is built directly into the human brain. BUT, "pain avoidance" often creates and then feeds Addiction. And it can also keep us trapped in Betrayal Trauma. In this episode, Mark and Steve talk about HOW to STOP avoiding pain and actually start Embracing and Learning from it! Perhaps pain is the solution you've been searching f...

In this episode, Mark and Steve address the questions and concerns of one of the PBSE podcast listeners. As the spouse of an addict in recovery, this listener brings up the very legitimate concern— As a sexual addict in recovery, should my husband be having an "attraction and chemistry" toward other women? How can he possibly do this without crossing the line into lust, fantasy, relapse...

What happens when there is a "Pornography Addiction Relapse"? The Fallout of Relapse— For the Addict:   Hopelessness, shame, resignation, apathy, "Eeyore mode"—emotional volatility and variability. For the Spouse:   Often forced to be the absolver and confessor—she feels like she must set aside her pain to be there for him, or feel like she is insensitive for taking care of her...

-  Learn how to “let go” of Your Spouse’s Healing -  Instead of focusing on what she is or is not doing—put all your energy into YOUR recovery. -  You can’t “undo” trauma or “fix” your spouse. The best thing you CAN do is CHOOSE to break free from addiction. -  The best chance to “save your marriage” is to work your own recovery! -  Clear Setting AND Adherence to Boundaries is essential—it’s the O...

Addiction and Betrayal Trauma can easily plunge us into the "Victim Trap" ! In this dark place, it is nearly impossible to progress on our paths of recovery and healing. In in episode which is "Part One," Mark and Steve discuss— -  How being distracted by your "partner's stuff" and drained by his or her issues leaves you no energy to work on your own stuff. -  In...

Two of the BIG questions we hear a LOT from recovering porn/sex addicts is:  "How do I get her to trust me again?" and "How do I trust her?" In this episode Mark and Steve get raw and practical about the answers to these critical questions— How do I regain her trust? The basis for your spouse trusting you again involves YOU developing consistency in several areas of recovery—no...

Discovering your spouse has a porn/sex addiction triggers Betrayal Trauma and SHATTERS trust! HOW can you ever get to the place where you can "trust him again"? Mark and Steve share insights from their own marriages and their experiences helping women and couples over the last 20 years— Validating your own PAIN is a crucial first step True empathy from your addicted spouse is ESSENTIAL !...

For any relationship to last and thrive, there must be "boundaries." This is especially true when you're dealing with Porn Addiction and Betrayal Trauma! In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and open about "boundaries in the marriage relationship"— If we love each other, why do we need boundaries? Love shouldn't be restricted-right? WRONG!  Love is NOT love unless...

This episode is "Part Two" of the interview with Todd, a former Mark and Steve client, who tells his raw and real story of recovery from Sex and Porn Addiction. In this second half of the interview, Todd talks about how he moved from "ME" in addiction to "WE" in real recovery—How to shift your attitude from "me-centered" to "we-centered" and build...

In this episode, Mark and Steve address an issue submitted by a PBSE listener—  Hi Guys!  My husband loves your podcast.  It's the only he will listen to openly.  I loved your topic today "Healthy Sex vs. Toxic Sex in Marriage."  You talked about lust and I found that topic to be very relatable.  Is it possible to discuss how lusting can cause issues in a marriage?  From the partner...

Todd, a former Mark and Steve client, tells his raw and real story of recovery from Sex and Porn Addiction. Todd also talks about how being convinced from a young age that he had to "earn love," was a BIG part of what led him to and kept him trapped in addiction! Tune in next week for "Part Two"! Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling Learn more about Mark Ka...

In this episode Mark and Steve openly discuss the differences between healthy and toxic sex in marriage— What are the differences between a healthy sex drive and a lust/fantasy focus in marriage?  You can trigger the "addiction cycle" or the "connection cycle" through the sexual relationship in your marriage—which one do you want? What do you know if you're engaging in &qu...

Mark and Steve know from personal experience and helping others, just how heavy, difficult, exhausting and discouraging addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing can be! In this episode they tackle this common issue head-on— -  How you and your spouse can honor and embrace your pain and feelings without allowing them to derail your recovery and healing. -  Is your view of recovery and healing...

We live in a world where honesty is a steadily shrinking virtue! Many in politics, sales, advertising and the media send a subtle or even blatant message that truth is relative, situational or interpretive. But what about issues related to addiction, betrayal, recovery and healing?  Is telling the "whole" truth all the time really the "best" policy? What exactly is "the tr...

Addiction and Betrayal Trauma both have a dramatic impact on the brain and the heart ! And one of the primary barriers to our recovery and healing is our THINKING ERRORS ! In this episode Mark and Steve give personal examples from their own lives about two BIG thinking errors— EMOTIONAL REASONING and the UNREAL IDEAL . You'll learn how these to thinking errors work, effect us and get in the w...

If you want your marriage to truly be ALL that it can be, we HIGHLY recommend pulling out a chair for God at your marriage table. But that can be easier said than done! In this episode, Mark and Steve talk in-depth about HOW to build a marriage partnership with God— Addiction and betrayal can easily create a kind of "God-trauma" for each spouse individually and for the marriage--how can...

The devastating pain and confusion caused by your husband's porn addiction can easily create a distance or wall between you and God. In this episode, Mark and Steve talk about the realities of Betrayal Trauma HOW you can "let go and let God"—which is NOT easy!— Marital Betrayal—WHY would God allow this to happen??? Manipulation and "Gaslighting" may cause you to doubt your...

In the midst of your struggles with pornography, can you also have a relationship with God? Mark and Steve talk open and raw about their personal experience with this conflict. They offer some CRITICAL insights and a specific ASSIGNMENT that has helped them and their clients over the years.  Visit the PBSE website at:  pbsepodcast.com Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling Learn...

Mark and Steve come back to talk SUPER raw about even MORE marriage mistakes they and their clients have made--and HOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP MAKING THE SAME MISTAKES! In this episode, learn even more from Mark and Steve— We're NOT Enemies—we're in this Together— Too often, marriage becomes "him vs. her" in a competition or battle! You CAN learn HOW to shift from "Me&...

During their deep addiction years, Mark and Steve made all the marriage mistakes you can imagine! Now they offer you a great gift—the opportunity to LEARN from their MISTAKES! If they could go back in time knowing what they know now, here's what Mark and Steve would've done different in their MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP — During our courtship, I would've been open, honest, vulnerable and...