Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

In this episode, Mark and Steve openly address a common issue they faced in their own recoveries, and one they see often with their clients—"Can I ever go back to porn?"  What this means to most men in recovery is—"Can I ever just live like a 'normal' guy?" Do I have to do this "recovery stuff" the rest of my life?!  What about masturbation, provocative movi...

In this episode, Mark and Steve give listeners a window into what they've learned from their own recoveries and what they've experienced over many years as therapists. What DOES it take to truly succeed in your recovery and healing efforts? Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services Here's a great articl...

When a couple is working together through addiction recovery and healing betrayal trauma, it can be VERY difficult to understand the differences between a "Relapse" and a "Slip."  In this episode, Mark and Steve discuss WHY there should be separate definitions for a "Slip" and for a "Relapse"—why the distinction at all? How can a couple navigate the differen...

In this episode, Mark and Steve address a PBSE listener's heart-felt dilemma. After discovering her spouse's addiction to porn and feeling the intense betrayal, she was justifiably angry, hurt and numb. Here's how she expressed it— "It breaks my heart that I have these feelings for someone I love so much. It makes me angry with myself and him. All the years of lies have just tu...

In this episode, Mark and Steve address a questions submitted by a listener— " Can you discuss the dynamic of being the spouse of an addict who is not a believer? In my marriage there has been sexual addiction and he is 2 1/2 years into recovery/sobriety but we are now dealing with the dynamic of a sexless marriage. How can we make the transition to a healthy sexual connection void of a spiri...

In this episode, Mark and Steve address some very poignant questions submitted by a listener: " What do you do when the proof is in the pudding that your partner is a sexual addict but they refuse to acknowledge it? I asked him for a separation at the beginning of Dec hoping that would shake him up a bit …  He has agreed to couples counseling but is "offended" at my suggestion that...

In this episode, Mark and Steve address a recent question by a listener—a very honest, legitimate, excellent question— " Hi there, my recovering spouse and I LOVE your podcasts.  it has brought us closer through sharing our thoughts on episodes. One thing I would love to hear your take on as a betrayed spouse is how on earth do you as an addict keep those images and thoughts of porn and past...

In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and open about an extremely destructive behavior that porn addicts engage in with their partners—GASLIGHTING! Mark and Steve talk about their own gaslighting and narcissistic tendencies during their dark addiction years. And they also share WHY there is GREAT HOPE even in marriage relationships where gaslighting is currently going on. -  What are the underl...

In this episode Mark and Steve speak openly about what it took for them to get to the rock bottom place where they were ready to start down the path of real change. They also acknowledge that everyone is different--"it takes what it takes." Learn how YOU can come to the place where you're ready to take solid, deliberate steps onto the path of breaking free from addiction and healing...

It has been said, "We are only as sick as our secrets."  Another way of coming at this would be: "Living in secrecy keeps our addiction alive." In this episode Mark and Steve share their own past personal struggles with authenticity and transparency. And, they answer some common questions— -  WHY is it so terrifying to allow others to truly "see us" just as we are on...

Mental illness and addiction, as well as betrayal trauma, can be parallel struggles! And it can be very difficult to understand where one starts and the other begins, or which one leads to the other. In this episode, Mark talks raw and real about his own struggles with mental illness that began as a small child and how that morphed into and ran alongside his decades of addiction. Mark and Steve al...

It's hard enough navigating through porn/sex addiction and betrayal trauma as adults! But what happens when we're raising kids at the same time? What should we disclose to our kids, if anything at all? And if we do disclose—how, when and how much should we share? And how can we create an environment where we don't pass on the same dysfunctional behaviors to our children? How do we h...

We're all SO glad 2020 is over! In fact, we should all receive a t-shirt that reads, "I Survived 2020!" And we're all hoping 2021 will be SO much better. But . . . the reality is, this year could bring some challenges even more daunting than last year! We just don't know. The key is to seek emotional health and resilience for ourselves personally and as a couple-ship, NO M...

Can you believe it--it's a NEW YEAR!  And it's that infamous time again--New Year's Resolutions!  In this episode Mark and Steve get real about WHY these resolutions virtually never work to produce long-term LASTING change. Using the "resolution" approach, especially for overcoming porn addiction and healing betrayal trauma, often does just the opposite! Here's why— -...

This episode is a kind of "Christmas gift" from Mark and Steve to their listeners. They talk raw and open about how too many Christmas seasons over their decades of deep addiction were anything but merry and joyful! But, today Christmas time is SO MUCH BETTER! Mark and Steve share HOW they and their wives have turned Christmas into a truly enjoyable, peaceful, connecting time. Recovery,...

During the holidays, "families" can be both an opportunity AND a challenge! Family interactions can support us on our paths of recovery and healing OR knock us off the path! In this Part Three episode, Mark and Steve offer guidance on HOW to successfully navigate family and the holidays— -  Balancing TIME between self, marriage and family. -  What to do when "enmeshed" family d...

It's SO easy to "go off the self-care rails" during the Holidays! If we're not careful, we can tend to use as an excuse for laziness, apathy, self-indulgence, disconnection, etc., the old "Yah, but it's the Holidays!" In this Part Two episode, Steve and Mark talk about their own tendencies to fall prey to "holiday laziness" and how easy it is to fall ou...

The holidays are a time for MAJOR EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS—good and bad. In fact the Holidays are intended and designed to elicit intense emotions. These can be ignited by our internal or external environments. In this episode (part one of a 3-part holiday series) Mark and Steve get real about HOW to deal with holiday triggers in a healthy way— -  Normalize your holiday triggers—they're going to ha...

It's very natural and legitimate to have certain expectations in our marriage relationship. And we NEED healthy boundaries in order to make steady progress and attain and enjoy real CONNECTION. But what happens when our relationship expectations come into conflict with our individual recovery and healing boundaries? What happens when expected goals or timelines aren't met or change? How...

In their own addictions, recoveries and healing, and working with people all over the world, Mark and Steve have come to understand an "unholy triad" that decimates marriage:  Pride; Shame; and Trauma. In this episode Mark and Steve get raw and real about how these three HUGE challenges can derail our most cherished relationships and how to begin moving through and beyond them.  Find out...

With so many dominant influences from Hollywood, the mainstream media, pornography and the role models we were raised with, there's a LOT of confusion about what it really means to "man-up." It's NOT the "macho/sexual-prowess" stereotype the culture often tends to promote.    In this episode, Mark and Steve talk open and real about their own experiences as men and the...

In this episode, Mark and Steve come from a very heart-felt place in speaking to the women who may find themselves "stuck in the pain of Betrayal Trauma." This is actually a very common struggle for many in early or even ongoing healing and recovery. Mark and Steve discuss— -  How the "grieving process" is a necessary part of facing pain and beginning to heal. -  Many women and...

Mark and Steve produced this episode in response to a PBSE listener's question— Hi Guys!  Would it be possible to talk about entitlement in an episode? I feel like many men struggle with a sense of entitlement for sexual pleasure and/or being "serviced".  I know for my husband and many of his friends, the belief is that if they aren't getting it from their wives, they have the...

This episode starts with Mark and Steve getting super raw about how lying was a big part of their addiction years and early recovery. -  There are MANY "layers of lies" that can be obvious or very subtle; active lies or passive ones. -  Why do addicts tell lies? And why do spouses often have struggles being totally open and blunt about what they're feeling and thinking? -  Why is di...

Mark and Steve get personal and talk about how, for much of their lives, they lived in "victim mode" and ran around spouting off cliches like, "I'm a realist," and "It is what it is," and "Things never change, so why bother?!" As CRAZY as it sounds, much of our TRUE POWER resides in this bold claim: "Acceptance is the answer to many of life's...