Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

In this episode, Mark and Steve address a common question submitted by a PBSE listener— I have listened to many episodes of your podcast. They have all been very helpful. My question is: Do you consider every man who views porn an “addict” or “sex addict?” My husband confessed to viewing pornography (no other acting out) for the last two and a half years. He can describe the events that led him to...

Growing up, a PBSE listener suffered from an abusive relationship with his father, which was a BIG factor in the development and ongoing struggle with Porn Addiction. He submitted some questions to Mark and Steve— I've realized that improving my relationship with my Dad is key to my recovery. How do I approach him about this without letting out 20 years of anger and resentment? His approach t...

If your partner is a porn addict, is it even possible to have any level of "healthy connection"??? In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and open about what is possible and real when it comes to healthy connection when one spouse is recovering from porn addiction and the other is healing from betrayal trauma— How does Porn Addiction destroy connection? Can there be any healthy connect...

When it comes to daily life and being subjected to a "sexualized culture," what are the "healthy boundaries" in sex/porn addiction recovery? What can/should an addict-in-recovery STOP doing in "regular" life? What is too strict or too lax? When does an addict cross the line into rationalization, minimization and denial? How do we "collaborate" on this as a c...

In working with people all over the world, we often get questions from couples regarding what IS and what is NOT healthy and connecting in their sexual relationship. In this episode, Mark and Steve get really DIRECT about WHY we bring certain expectations, practices, attitudes, etc., to the bedroom and HOW to begin opening up an authentic, vulnerable, healthy dialogue as a couple to take your Sexu...

In this episode, Mark and Steve address a HUGE issue many partners struggle with. Here's how a PBSE listener expressed it— My question is with all the porn videos and images he has seen how does the wife know what he is thinking while having sex with the wife? By this I mean how do we know, even after getting help, which he is not in any recovery, that he is not still bringing some porn scene...

We know—this title is ridiculous!!!  It's intended to be totally SARCASTIC!  But it's in response to a lengthy, raw, heart-felt, super authentic email we recently received from a PBSE listener. Her spouse is a sex/porn addict who is NOT in "real recovery," but insists that if she would give him daily sex, he could overcome his struggles. In this episode, Mark and Steve have a L...

It's SO easy to get STUCK in a negative, hame-based mindset; trapped on an endless rollercoaster of dark emotions; feel like your relationship is going nowhere or just downward! In this episode, Mark and Steve get real about their own personal experiences with being STUCK and STAGNATING in recovery; stuck in negative thinking; in anger, bitterness and resentments; in hopelessness or apathy; a...

Here's a heart-felt question from a PBSE listener— Since learning that my husband of 44 years has been addicted to porn our entire marriage, a floodgate of emotions continue to wash over me. We are both committed to this union and he is working very hard in recovery. My question involves how do I trust and ignite my own healthy sexual expressions after years of dysfunction and “taking care” o...

A PBSE listener recently sent us this comment and request— You speak of the importance of establishing boundaries.  While we understand that each couple is unique can you address more specifically or give examples of what healthy boundaries look like during recovery? Let's get real—based on how we were raised and what was "modeled" to us, nearly all of us have some issues with setti...

In this episode Mark and Steve openly address a PBSE listener's questions about what to do with an addict spouse in recovery who still tries to exert control and practice manipulation. -  Why porn/sex addicts can tend to shift blame and accountability. -  Addicts can have a strong affinity for relying on external factors for their emotional stability. -  Why real recovery begins and ends with...

Summertime can be a HUGE trigger for porn addicts in recovery and for spouses healing from betrayal trauma! As individuals and as couples, HOW can you SUCCESSFULLY navigate the visual and emotional "minefield" of summer? Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and co...

When we rely on "sheer motivation" to break out of porn addiction, this will easily plunge us into a pit where we become stuck in "emotional wallowing."' Then to escape the wallowing, we move back into addiction outlets—and the "wallowing cycle" spins around and around. In this episode, Mark and Steve guide listeners in HOW to move out of emotional wallowing and...

There are MANY "triggers" that can impact and even derail addiction recovery and healing from betrayal trauma. One trigger that can blindside us are significant, meaningful events like holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and more. In this episode, Mark and Steve talk about their personal struggles with "Father's Day" and how it has been a trigger for both of them. Their raw...

We constantly talk about how and why “mindfulness” and CONNECTING with your True, Authentic Self is SO critical to recovery and healthy living!  Yet, when it comes to stepping back to be an “observer” and “watcher” of our thoughts, feelings and emotions—WHY can it be SO HARD?!  It’s way easy to get pulled into GOING TO WAR and battling it out with our brains—seeing the brain (especially the ego-ad...

A podcast listener asked about her husband's risky, bizarre, self-centered sexual behaviors; his Erectile Dysfunction; and how these are related to his porn/sex addiction . In this episode Mark and Steve talk raw and real about these issues. They relate this to their own experiences with addiction and the many clients they've worked with over the decades. They discuss: -  How porn/sex ad...

In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a listener who is engaged to a porn addict . She submitted a message through PBSEpodast.com describing her situation:  she and her fiance have been together for two years. He has regularly used pornography during that time and she has let him know she is NOT OK with it. He promised he was getting help to quit porn but she discovered he's been lying a...

In this episode, Mark and Steve address and excellent question submitted by a PBSE listener— In the book written by Gary Chapman it talks about the 5 Love Languages. My husband says his love language is physical touch. Are most sex addicts love language physical touch? As a spouse how do I honor my needs and authentically respect myself? {there are days I don't want to make eye  contact, much...

In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a question submitted by a PBSE listener: My husband has been in active recovery since earlier this year. Your podcast has been instrumental in his recovery. My almost adult children are aware of the porn addiction and witnessed and were victims of his controlling, abusive and angry attitude during his active addiction. Do you have any advice to help him r...

In this episode Mark and Steve use the analogy of a unique little bird known as the "Bower Bird." HOW can we guys who are in recovery from addiction do the "little" things each day that move us from merely surviving in marriage to thriving ?! Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times...

Your recovery and healing are always at risk of stagnation, burnout, boredom, overwhelm, relapse and other potential "disrupters." In this episode Mark and Steve talk about how to regularly "shake up" your recovery and healing so they stay fresh, on-track and ever progressing toward greater peace, happiness, fulfillment and connection. Learn more about Mark and Steve's new...

Mark and Steve discuss why Self-Care is SO crucial to overcoming porn addiction, healing from betrayal trauma and mending your marriage. And why it is so often taken for granted or overlooked entirely. Very importantly, Mark and Steve talk openly about their own struggles with self-care and the barriers that often get in the way of this essential element in healing and recovery. Learn more about M...

In Episode 66, Mark and Steve explored the walls an addict spouse often throws up in defense against his betrayal-trauma-suffering spouse beginning to "speak her truth." In this episode, Mark and Steve talk about the totally legitimate thoughts, feelings and emotions triggered by Betrayal Trauma that can create a huge barrier to connection and healing. What are the symptoms of Betrayal T...

A BIG part of beginning to heal a marriage marred by pornography addiction, is for the addict spouse to provide a SAFE space for the betrayed spouse to honestly and openly express her pain and speak her truth. But when she does, it's very common (for a host of reasons) for the addict spouse to immediately throw up a WALL of self-defense and resistance. In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw...

In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a recent email from a listener— “I’d like to know how is it that your wives were willing and able to stay in your marriages through all the porn and affairs? My son-in-law is an addict and my daughter can’t see how she can stay married to him. She’s willing to be friends for the sake of the kids but she doesn’t know how she can stay. He is not yet admitti...