No Longer Ashamed Surviving Sexual Abuse

We are re posting this interview to honor the memory of our friend Dan who we had the pleasure of getting to know from his interviews and the panels that he participated on This interview was very memorable because of how much impact it had for Dan to share his story of being an abuse survivor the first time we interviewed him His perspective about what changed for him after sharing his story was...

It is with great sadness that we are saying goodbye to our friend Dan Hillman who we had the honor to interview over three years ago and have had on panels and interviewed again a year after the first time Dan had a heart attack in November and this led to him going into a coma which he did not recover from Dan's story was very impactful for both of us and for all who his life has touched He w...

We are not trying to be controversial by praying every week and we really don't want to offend anyone or force our beliefs on anyone. What we want most of all is to offer hope to everyone who is listening. That is all that we want, it is the reason that we are doing this podcast to offer hope. No Longer Ashamed⁠ ⁠ No Longer Ashamed FB⁠ bolgerkevin15@gmail.com

When is it correct to tell the truth about someone who was abusive? Is it allowed to write an obituary about someone who was abusive and tell the truth? Or is that unfair if they can't defend themselves. Who are we protecting by hiding the truth? No Longer Ashamed⁠ ⁠ No Longer Ashamed FB⁠ bolgerkevin15@gmail.com

We are so excited to have our guests Mike Chapman and Luke Wiersma with us to talk about the treatments that they have had in their therapy and the new treatments that are available now for survivors of trauma We also discus what it has been like to share our stories and why that has been so important for our healing EDMR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, a psychotherapy ht...

Automatic Negative Thoughts are something that can make our lives miserable. Especially for survivors of abuse we have often been taught so many of these thoughts from our abuse and we might not be aware of them when they are happening. So what can we do about them when they happen? Dr. Daniel Amen teaches that there are ways to counter these thoughts and it starts with recognizing them and then t...

We have talked about the importance of healing from abuse and why healing matters not only for us the survivors of abuse, but to our relationships. But we haven't really talked about what it means to be healed. How do we define healing and being healed? After reading about Internal Family Systems (IFS) Kevin recognized that this is a subject that we haven't gone into detail about and how m...

We're very excited about interviewing Johnny because it gave us both such hope The reason that his interview gave us hope is that he is young (20 years old) and he is already working on his healing from the abuse that he experienced This is such a positive sign that things are starting to change as far as there is more resources available now for survivors and these resources are easier to fin...

I(t's easy to feel like an "other" when you are a survivor of abuse. To feel different but not in a good way. What does it take to embrace the good in being different? What are our traits that set us apart in a way that others notice. How do we turn those traits into our superpower. No Longer Ashamed⁠ ⁠ No Longer Ashamed FB⁠ bolgerkevin15@gmail.com

Since this is the time of year when there is so much youth sports happening we decided to re broadcast our episode about abuse and misconduct in youth sports. In this episode we interview Kevin's wife Charnell about the research that she has been doing about the issues of sexual abuse in youth sports. Her research has led her to the Dordulian Law Group who specialize in sex abuse and other off...

It's almost that time of year again so what better time to revisit our episode about the holidays For survivors of abuse navigating the holidays can be difficult especially if the perpetrator is a relative So it can be helpful to plan ahead for ways of dealing with the issues that can come up when we are preparing for holiday gatherings. No Longer Ashamed⁠ ⁠ No Longer Ashamed FB⁠ bolgerkevin15...

Cynicism is toxic in our lives and it spreads through our relationships. As survivors of abuse it is hard to trust others when we have been taught they want to hurt us. It can be easy to hold on to that cynical point of view of others because we think that we are just being protective. It is possible to unlearn our cynicism which will enable us to have healthier relationships and heal. No Longer A...

So often as survivors of abuse we cope with triggers and depression and anxiety with methods that are unhealthy for ourselves and for those that we care about Sometimes we aren't even aware of the ways that we are coping. They might not even seem to be that unhealthy to anyone else. But if our coping mechanisms are controlling us than we are just using them as a crutch that prevents us from ac...

So many times we hear that therapy is so important But for most of us who have never experienced therapy it can be a really scary thing to try. The only time we experience therapy is what we see on TV or movies. So we don't know what to expect. But it's so important to get good counseling to help you get through the experience of being a survivor. How do we know what is good therapy going...

The pain that comes from being abused doesn't just go away But what happens to it? Our pain as survivors evolves as we explore it and learn where it comes from. Expressing our pain helps us to learn how to accept it and handle it in ways that we can grow from. No Longer Ashamed⁠ ⁠ No Longer Ashamed FB⁠ bolgerkevin15@gmail.com

Luke first came on our podcast over three years ago on episode 24. Since then he has been on our podcast several more times and on many other podcasts. So we wanted to catch up with Luke and find out how things have been going and what has changed for him now since he first came on. And also why he thinks it was so important for him to share his story with us the first time and why he still finds...

One of the hardest things for survivors to realize is how the affects of the abuse on us is affecting those around us. The issues that we have because of what happened to us can affect all of our relationships. But we feel that we are the only one that is suffering. So if we don't want to get help because we don't think we need to than we are are ignoring the problems we could be having wi...

Our mental maps are the shortcuts that our brains use when it is in the default mode. Unfortunately for survivors of abuse our maps can be faulty and even unhealthy for us. The good news is that we can change our mental maps for the better. By becoming aware of the mental maps we have when we go into default mode we can intentionally work on changing the unhealthy ones and learn healthy new ones....

How do you know if it was really abuse? Maybe you feel that it wasn't that bad, especially compared to what someone else went through. Or you wonder if it was abuse if if you were stimulated and you got excited. Or you feel like it was your fault that you should have known better. Maybe you were told that it was your fault and you believed them. The fact is that as a child you cannot give cons...

Finding hope can be challenging for abuse survivors who are often suffering from a sense of hopelessness Hope is a feeling that can be learned because it comes from the way that we think about ourselves and our accomplishments. When we learn that the feeling of hope comes from how we think about ourselves and that we control those thoughts then we can find that hope is possible for survivors. No L...

Going through the process of healing from sexual abuse can be so difficult There are times it can be an emotional roller coaster of sadness and anger which can be very tiring Sometimes it can be helpful to have a outlet where you can find comfort and safety There are also times when it can help to find an outlet that connects you to your emotions in a safe place This can be many different things f...

As an abuse survivor there are many decisions that we have to make that most people aren't faced with Do we tell our story, who do we tell and when Part of what can make our decisions so hard is our own expectations about what will happen Until we actually take the steps to tell our story and get the help that we deserve our expectations about what is going to happen when we tell our story can be...

In episode 121 Laurie challenged Kevin to do an experiment Kevin accepted the challenge and was excited to see the results Because this challenge turned out to be so exciting for Kevin we decided to send this challenge out to you, our listeners So in this episode we are talking about what the challenge was and explaining why it is such a helpful exercise for you as a survivor of abuse to do We hop...

We revisit this important panel discussion on shame, both healthy shame and toxic shame. With our former guests Tracy Stephanie and Ashleigh and Kevin's wife Charnell. We discuss how shame affects our lives as survivors of abuse and how there can be healthy shame and toxic shame. No Longer Ashamed⁠ ⁠No Longer Ashamed FB⁠ bolgerkevin15@gmail.com

One of the hardest questions survivors ask is if there is a God why does He let abuse happen? Was it a part of his plan? Or was I being punished for something? None of us truly know Gods plan but if we are given free will than the only one to blame for our abuse would be the perpetrator. We are never at fault for the abuse that happened to us and blaming anyone besides the perpetrator does not hel...