No Longer Ashamed Surviving Sexual Abuse

It seems obvious what a survivor of abuse needs and what they should do. They need counseling, they should address what happened to them, they should confront the perpetrator. It's easy for us to want them to do this because we believe that it will help them. But what if they aren't ready? Can we still support them if they think that they don't need to do that? Is what they really need...

Why does judgement come so easy to us as survivors of abuse? Why is it so difficult to give ourselves compassion? The answers often come when we examine the way that we talk about and think about ourselves and where those thoughts originated from. We were likely taught to be very judgemental about ourselves and perpetuate those lessons without even thinking about it. It can change when we look at...

It is reported that over half of abuse survivors feel guilty about something that they did when they were abused. Over half! These feelings of guilt can make it hard to want to tell anyone about what happened to them. We know how hard it can be to talk about what happened to you when you are a survivor of abuse, but we also know how important it is to be able to talk about it. If you are also feel...

Vulnerability is so important for our healing. But for survivors it can be so hard to be vulnerable because we are so afraid of being hurt again. Espacially for men it can be harder because we are taught that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness. It takes great courage to be vulnerable and it is a way of investing in our healing by showing that we do deserve to heal and our feelings are importan...

Often because of trauma survivors have an automatic, uncontolled response to perceived danger. Are these responses really uncontollable? Or can we find ways to recognize and manage them? What are the ways these responses affect us. As survivors of trauma sometimes these responses cause their own trauma because we feel that we have no control over them. Then we experience regret and grief about how...

We are so excited to have our friend Sandra on as a guest again. She has been very busy since we interviewed her back in episode 80. She has been on mission trips to Thailand and Uganda and is planning to go back to Uganda for a year long trip! All this while she has been writing a book that she is ready to publish soon. So we are so thankful that she took the time to share with us all the amazing...

Yes emotions are information but what are you going to do with that information? It's not only important to recognize what your emotions are telling you but to take a moment to reflect on why you are having those feelings and what you want to do about that. When you don't reflect on your emotions and try to understand why you are having them they can linger and cause physical and mental ha...

We are reposting our interview with Sandra Sunshine Horne since Kevin was able to catch up with her in Las Vegas when he was visiting his family there. We are going to do a follow up interview with her next to find out how God has been leading her in her ministries.

We talk alot about going to therapy in our podcast. For a good reason because we believe for survivors of abuse that therapy is very important. Even so it is something that you need to be prepared to do-especially if you are in a relationship. As Kevin has found previously when he went to therapy it can be hard on a relationship when you go into therapy. The point of therapy is to change yourself....

To get the most out of therapy it is important to avoid the ways that we self sabatoge. Just like our episode about what to expect when you start therapy (134|What About Therapy), it can be helpful to be aware of the ways that we self sabatoge our therapy so that we can avoid those behaviors and learn how to really use our therapy to grow healthy. The great thing about it is that these behaviors a...

Too many survivors of abuse don't seek help because they feel what happened to them wasn't that bad compared to what someone else had happen to them. They are comparing their abuse to what happened to someone else and dismissing it. Also they might be too embarassed or ashamed to admit what happened. Instead they just tough it out, putting up walls and masks to hide their pain and sufferin...

Chris Carazas has written a beautiful memoir of his experiences, of trauma, abuse and his late-in-life diagnosis of autism. This is an amazing feat considering the experiences that he has survived and overcome,and the way he writes about them. This memoir started as a letter to the person who was there for him when he needed it the most and it became a tribute to his journey of surviving being pus...

What are the habits we have that are self-destructive? How do we recognize them and why are they so hard to change? We formed these habits for a reason so in order to change them we have to recognize them and recognize where they came from. Then we can understand how to find ways to turn away from the destructive behavior and turn to constructive ways of dealing with our issues.

Laurie talks about hearing the news about a relative who has passed. Even though this news comes after 30 years with no contact will it change anything? Open new doors? Many of you fellow survivors have probably had to deal with people who have made a conscious choice to "not believe" you. No Longer Ashamed FB bolgerkevin15@gmail.com

What do you do when the chatter threatens to overwhelm everything else in your mind? Especially for survivors of abuse the chatter in our heads can take us over and seem inescapable. For Kevin he has found that using the music that he loves can be a way to distance from the chatter and have a reset. It also is a way that he finds connection to the times and people from his past that is comforting....

For survivors of abuse trust can be so hard. Our trust has been broken by what has happened to us. But trust is so important all of our connections, it is the foundation of having healthy relationships. This can be one of the main reasons that survivors of abuse have such a hard time in relationships. We are all meant to be in relationships with others but if we can't trust anyone else because...

What we say to our children can be so important. It is important to be aware of the effect of the language that we use when we talk to children, especially when we are discussing difficult issues like abuse. It can make all the difference in their life when they know that they can discuss anything with us. No Longer Ashamed FB bolgerkevin15@gmail.com

Why do we slow down to pass accidents? Why are we drawn to scary movies? Are we sick and disturbed if we watch those awful flicks that have graphic violence and gore? Is there something else that drives us to be fascinated by shocking stories? Should we be ashamed to admit that we get a thrill from scary movies and true crime stories? I know that I have often been drawn to the morbid and disturbin...

This time of year it is easy to get too busy to slow down and appreciate the moments that bring us awe and wonder. That is why it can be so important to take the time to relish that sense of awe that can fill us up and give us something to hold on to when we get overwhelmed As survivors of abuse the holidays can be a really difficult time to get through and that sense of wonder can bring that feel...

What does retribution mean to a survivor of abuse? Is it even possible to make up for what happened? Does retribution make any difference? These hard questions are not the most important point, what really matters is if retribution helps a survivor with the healing process. Because what really matters is how we get to a place of healing. No Longer Ashamed FB bolgerkevin15@gmail.com

We all love the Holidays Well maybe not all of us, maybe not all the time. For survivors of abuse the Holidays can be hard. Going home can mean going back to the place that the abuse happened. Or seeing the person that abused us. Our family might not have been there to support us and might expect us to just get over it. There can be many triggers for survivors during the Holidays. So how can you t...

One of the lessons that we have learned from doing this podcast is how important it has been to have a community of other survivors to share life with. We are meant to be in community, we are made to be social and share ourselves. As survivors of abuse to be in a community with other survivors is so helpful to have someone who understands what we are going through and helps us not to feel alone. T...

As a survivor of abuse who can we look up to for role models? This is a problem for survivors because there are so few positive portrayals of survivors in media. Often survivors are either victims or perpetrators, but they aren't represented positively. As survivors of abuse the way we can change this is by being a role model ourselves and talking about what happened to us and how we are getti...

Such a fun topic, repulsion and revulsion. It's the instinctive reaction we all have to some stuff, like rats or spiders, and the way that we think about certain things. Like sexual abuse. We can't help it, it's a repulsive topic but as survivors sometimes we must talk about it. But it is the act that is repulsive and the perpetrator that is revolting, not the survivor. That is importa...

What happens when you embrace your triggers? As survivors of abuse we often have many things that can trigger a reaction, some of them that we aren't even aware of. The first step in embracing our triggers is to recognize what they are. Then we can understand why they are triggering us and acknowledge what that came from. That helps us to embrace why we have triggers and how they were a part o...