In Sanity: A piece of mind

What does science say about people and being wrong? What is your history with mistakes? What messages did you learn about what it meant to do something "wrong?" What do you make being "right" mean? Listen to this week's podcast to see how the answers to these questions can decrease your relationship conflict, increase your life satisfaction, and unburden you of your misapprehension that being righ...

When was the last time you openly admitted you were wrong about something? Maybe you reacted angrily toward your toddler about something that did not warrant it. Perhaps you started a fight with your partner, realized it was petty, but kept it going because you didn't know how to admit you were tired, or cranky, or wrong about what you thought was going on. Being wrong, recognizing we are wrong, a...

Listen to this week's podcast to hear the good things that we have been able to savor this week. Some are big and some are small, but that all have the same effect. This practice can increase our overall sense of well-being. Also, check out the music, mindfulness, and yoga links that helped me feel good this week.  Yoga Joy | Full Body Vinyasa Flow | Yoga With Adriene Jaeger & Reid The Pa...

Neuroplasticity is the word that describes our brain's ability to change. We can do this through simple practices including looking for the good as described in this week's podcast. As your brain changes your mind changes. These changes bring improved resilience, increased confidence, decreased stress, and greater happiness. Listen to this week's podcast and practice engaging in the little things...

Metaphor requires the activation of not only thinking but also creative imagination and implementation of the “as if” technique, that makes the impossible possible. Metaphors are often unconscious and the creation of metaphors selectively used sensory and bodily experience. How to create a metaphor What do you want to describe? An idea? A problem? An object? What characteristic of the chosen objec...

Come join me and a couple of my kids to see how they describe having 8 siblings. For added fun, I will comment and give some parenting perspective to help all the parents out there wondering when it gets easier. Hint: it doesn't. However, it is always interesting. 

We have a lot of thoughts. Most of them are stream of consciousness and surface level. Unfortunately, they are also mostly negative. Negative thinking, the kind that comes unbidden and without awareness. Negative thinking leads to poor mental health which leads to more negative thoughts which leads to poorer mental health.  You cannot avoid all negative thoughts, but you can begin to challeng...

Human beings have a tendency to think distorted thoughts. A lot of them. A cognitive distortion or a thinking error is an exaggerated pattern of thought that’s not based on facts. It consequently leads you to view things more negatively than they really are. Cognitive distortions are when your mind convinces you to believe negative things about the world, your relationships, and yourself.  Ou...

It is useful to know that self-sabotage is your brain’s way of trying to protect you from emotional pain which includes the pain of changing old behaviors. Self-sabotaging is sometimes intentional and most often unconscious. The consequences of chronic self-sabotage can be pretty destructive. It depletes motivation, leaving us sad, anxious, and feeling worthless. What is it and how can we untangle...

Parental burnout is described as an exhaustion syndrome, both physical and emotional. This overwhelming exhaustion leads to emotional distancing from our children and increases our feelings of inadequacy and ineffective parenting. The tricky thing about parent burnout is that was are not supposed to be able to burnout. Parenting is "wonderful" and "fulfilling" and the "greatest joy" we can ever ho...

Narrative therapy is a technique for therapy that is supposed to help people separate themselves from their problems. Problems occur in cultural and social contexts. Using context and language, narrative therapy provides a way for a person to understand their own " Hero's Journey ." Are you the hero or the victim of your story? Do you know? Listen to this week's podcast for an overview of what nar...

I'm ending this series on grief with a final review of "The Grief Recovery Handbook" which I think you all should read. There are steps and activities and accountability expectations in this book to help you work through your incomplete grief before it becomes depression, anxiety, or panic. Complicated grief is hard to deal with because it's not always okay to be happy someone has died, wish we we...

Grief and loss are emotional experiences. Unfortunately, we aren't very good at it, and we aren't very good at helping people with their grief. As a society, we are not taught how to deal with loss. Most of us don't like difficult emotions, we avoid, change the subject, and intellectualize the experience. Listen to this week's podcast as I continue reflecting on grief through the eyes of James and...

We've been given a narrative about grief that does not necessarily serve all of our loss experiences. The 5 emotional stages were originally identified by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross while she was working with terminally ill patients, palliative care, and hospice for those who were near death. It grew and is now widely used for bereavement, and other loss and change experiences. Friedman and James d...

I'm reading "The Grief Recovery Handbook" and I think it's an interesting and unique way of looking at grief. In terms of therapy and counseling, pretty much everything can be linked to grief and trauma. I have seen research that shows where complicated or unresolved grief presents and is often diagnosed as depression. LIsten to this week's podcast as I begin a kind of book review and talk about g...

Do you try to control or influence areas where you don't actually have any? Do you try to control people or things with no results? Who do you feel controls you, your emotions, or some other area of your life? Do you run from, deny, or avoid situations, feelings, or realities? Codependency is a learned behavior that can be unlearned. Listen to this week's podcast to see if you have codependent ten...

This week I answer a question about making friends as an adult. You are not alone if you struggle with this. There are a lot of reasons this is hard, and there are a lot of limitations, but I do my best to provide ideas that are actually doable for both online relationships and in-person relationships. Following that, I have a conversation with myself about codependency, beginning with a definitio...

Are you ready for therapy? Listen to this week's podcast for some important things to know as you look for a good fit. Self-care. What it is and what it is not. I'm not good at it, but I can tell you some ways to understand what it is, and how to make it a priority in your life. 

Set reasonable expectations. Minimize your use of the words "should, must, or have to." Recognize that doing something is better than doing nothing. Use James Clear's 2-minute rule to accomplish tasks, and create new habits. Don't let perfect keep you from getting something done, and look for ways to have good enough relationships. 

Validation is at the heart of our ability to get along with others and build relational bonds. Validation is the opposite of insulting, dismissing, or belittling. Age does not matter. People of all ages need validation. It's how we find our place in the world. Listen to this week's podcast to see how important it is for people to feel understood, seen, and heard. The act of validation increases tr...

How do you tell if someone's criticism or complaints about you are your problems or theirs? Listen to this episode, and for a refresher on criticism and feedback, listen to Episode 36. There are a few things you can do to increase understanding and communication around this issue in your relationships. 

Having self-awareness helps you understand other people and how they view you and your actions. Many people assume that self-awareness comes easily and naturally, however, it can be pretty hard, and can be improved. With practice, however, you can learn to increase your emotional intelligence and self-knowledge and find new ways to interpret your thoughts, actions, feelings, and conversations that...

There is a lot going on in the world. Your kids need to feel that you can be there for them no matter what. They have their own relationships to deal with, friendships that are difficult, school stress, and access to a lot of distressing news and information. It is your job to help give them space to vent, receive feedback and advice, and trust that you can handle what they cannot. Listen to this...

It would be impossible for me to express in words what you can only experience by engaging in mindfulness practice. So this week, I'm at it again. With a bit of new information and some reinforcement of some old, I am desperate to get you all to start practicing mindfulness. Please. Please. Please.

All relationships have conflict. Conflict does not make a relationship bad. The purpose of conflict is to gain a greater understanding of your partner. This podcast about understanding is about working to understand another person. Listen and I'll give strategies and things you can do to give your spouse the gift of understanding them. Using the idea of assumption of similarity and a speaker/liste...