In Sanity: A piece of mind

At the end of last week's episode, I briefly mentioned the idea that boys and girls experience prenatal and postnatal parental stress differently. A listener reached out and asked about that. I embarked on the task of researching this. I did not find much, but what I did find was interesting and worth talking about. I hope it is meaningful to you, and that you can make some sense of it. Men and wo...

Natural disasters, systemic exploitation, poverty, and war are traumatic experiences that are passed down as inherited trauma. Additionally, maternal stress, emotionally absent parents, attachment wounds, and adverse childhood experiences are generational trauma. This week's podcast expands on the circumstances and situations that can be considered generational trauma and touches on the definition...

Generational trauma is trauma that can be experienced by more than one person, passed down from grandmother to grandson, or father to daughter. Often it is silent and lacks definition or detail. It can be implied or taught. The symptoms include anxiety, depression, substance use, or PTSD. Listen to this week's podcast and begin the journey of understanding historical trauma, generational trauma, e...

Empathy is not something we "have or don't have" by a certain age. Empathy is somewhat of a work in progress - certainly through childhood and adolescence, but oftentimes even into adulthood. Most people are born with the capacity for empathy, but it is something that needs to be experienced, taught, practiced, and cultivated. Listen to this week's podcast where I discuss empathy using Michelle Bo...

In this episode, I talk about perspective, tolerance, valid realities, conflict, abuse, and doing your own work. There are innumerable variables at play in any relationship, and it is difficult to talk specifically about interpretations of conflict and abuse. There are some behaviors that are universally understood to be abusive, and there are many others that are not. Listen to this week's podcas...

Conflict or abuse? That's a big question and one that should be taken seriously. However, barring universally understood abusive behaviors, there is a lot of wiggle room for people to decide for themselves. Not everyone has the same level of tolerance for conflict in their relationships. What one may consider manageable, another may find insufferable. I've decided to break this topic into two part...

A question from the Instagram "ask me anything" was about moving on from a therapist, coach, or counselor who is no longer serving your best interests. This week I answer that question using advice and insight from therapists. Ending relationships - your stylist, your dentist, even your dog groomer - can be tricky. There are some important do's and don'ts . It's hard to manage the emotions and anx...

Giveaway winners are announced on the podcast and will be announced on Instagram this week. Thanks for participating with comments, goals, and reviews.  I am definitely going to do this again. Listen to this week's podcast to hear me talk about play for another 25 minutes. This is important stuff and I am bad at it. I hope you are incorporating more unstructured time into your week. I have so...

Play and having fun are scientifically shown to improve mental health. Kids do this easily. Adults, not so much. Listen to this week's podcast for information about why and how play can benefit your mental well-being. Also, this week is GIVEAWAY week. Listen and win.  Prizes:  $25 Amazon gift card $25 Uncommon Goods gift card Annie Chen's Attachment Workbook If you use Instagram, comment...

Join me this week for some reflection on what my first 100 episodes mean to me. What are the top favorites? Which ones get the fewest listens? What are my favorites, and do I listen to my own podcasts? I have also learned some things about myself and I share those with you this week. In celebration of the first 100, join me next week for a listener giveaway. I will share the details in episode 101...

On this podcast, I spend a few minutes talking about my perspective on Christmas. Like many of you, I found it essential to figure out how to manage my expectations, and the expectations I thought my family had about Christmas. It's taken some years, but I realized I could do Christmas however I want, and people around me will adjust. I can also carry Christmas and the holiday season into the new...

When your attachment style triggers a reaction, it's essential to recognize it. These reactions are felt in your body - sweaty palms, racing heart, clenched teeth, tight chest, and tense muscles just to name a few. These are signals to pay attention to and associate them with your emotional reactions to stress in your relationship with your partner and the associated attachments. That's a mouthful...

Avoidant attachment is an insecure attachment. The belief is that others are unreliable, so they have to meet their own needs. This translates into romantic partners who are self-protective and stressed out if there is too much need in a relationship. Listen to this week's podcast to learn what a relationship with insecure-avoidant partners will look like. 

Avoidant adults are often independent and self-reliant. They appear happy and go-lucky. They problem-solve, avoid conflict, and rarely need emotional support or help from anybody. They pursue excellence outside of their relationships and appear "in control." Relationships for insecurely attached avoidant people are best left superficial. Emotional closeness and intimacy are eschewed, even in a rom...

Join me this week for the second and last episode regarding competing attachments. What are yours and how do you use them to avoid different aspects of your romantic relationships? Can you communicate with your partner about these issues? Do you want a secure, satisfying romantic relationship? Then do the work.  Identifying and addressing competing attachments with couples Primary Relationshi...

Join Kylee and me this week as she brings up the subject of "micro-anxieties." These things annoy you and you waste emotional energy caring about them. They are a brain drain, and not worth the space they take. There is science behind the idea that this stuff stifles creativity, decreases productivity, and makes you miserable. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering...

A competing or rival attachment is something or someone we turn to instead of our partners. This week's podcast talks about this issue and identifies some rival attachments, and then challenges you to see what or who you might be investing in to get one or more of your emotional needs met. Our attachment styles impact how we connect in our romantic relationships, and this week's podcast can help b...

Yes, you can hear a cat meowing through the entire episode. Remember, I told you all about the animals. Apparently, he was hungry, lonely, and talkative. Ender and I are finished talking about anxious attachment insecure style. This week's podcast is about communication, safety, security, empathy, and appreciation. Listen to the podcast for some final thoughts about this important topic. 

This week's podcast discusses the important ideas of acceptance and self-compassion towards the anxiously attached. These practices open space for new neural pathways to be created and in turn new behaviors to be engaged in. Listen to this week's podcast to see what this looks like. It's not easy, but it is worth it. 

Fear and rejection are at the heart of those with anxious attachment styles. Any perceived threat to the relationship is devastating. The anxiously attached person appears to focus on these perceived threats as a way to manage their fear of abandonment. The anxious attacher is often angry, negative and self-critical to cope with their greatest fears in relationships. It can be hard to connect with...

Years of research show that experiences we have in childhood interact with our neurons and our genetics to wire our brains in specific ways. Our experiences with attachment to our caregivers are significant because of the attachment circuitry in our brains.  Listen to this week's podcast to learn a bit about this topic and how increasing our awareness of this topic can improve our relationshi...

Attachment styles generally exist on a spectrum. Insecurely attached people can have both anxious and avoidant patterns at different times. This week, I'll talk about anxious insecure type. As the name suggests, people with this style tend to show the stress they feel in relationships through anxiety or anxious behaviors. 

Learning about and understanding attachment theory and your attachment style makes it possible to improve, heal and repair complex or troubled relationships. There are four basic attachment styles: dismissive-avoidant, fearful-avoidant, anxious and secure. Listen to this week's podcast for a dive into the research, the theory, and why this is important for you to comprehend. 

I am really passionate about this topic. I think the impact of emotional validation is much bigger than we believe. I hope that those who don't understand what validation means can be edified. I hope those who can't or don't want to validate will learn its benefits and change their minds. Listen to this week's podcast. Share it with your friends and partners to learn a great deal about emotional v...

Anger? Hubris? Self-righteousness? Pride? Hubris? Humility? In Brene Brown's Atlas of the Heart (see link below) she talks helps us know how these emotions show up at certain times of our lives. I think these words and her description(s) help us see how we feel when we feel wrong, are wrong, admit we are wrong or are wronged ourselves. Listen to this week's podcast for encouragement to be personal...