In Sanity: A piece of mind

The inner critic, and we all have one, has a huge impact over our inner life. It affects our overall well-being. Originally, its function was to protect us from danger. Now it's more or less a maladaptive behavior with a lot of negative consequences. This exercise helps us reduce its negative affect by showing it some appreciation and understanding. Give it a try and let me know what you think...

This podcast is about self-compassion. It is about taming your inner critic through emotional awareness, mindfulness and an increased understanding of your self-critical parts. Self-compassion is the act of being kind to yourself. It requires you to accept yourself exactly as you are - imperfections and all. Self-compassion is not weakness, apathy or giving up. Instead, it's understanding your...

This episode uses the same resources I used last week to discuss emotional connection with our kids. This week, I wanted to make the case that these same skills can be used in all our relationships for our betterment. However, there is a catch; in our adult relationships, we do this work because it makes us good people. If we do it to assert influence, control or persuasion, we miss the point. Lis...

It's been hard for me to address the issue of influence and the interplay and/or necessity of the emotional connection. I have not known how to identify what "emotional connection" looks like. Using Brad Reedy's "The Journey of the Heroic Parent" - again, and Karen Young's article (linked below), I finally did it. This podcast supports all the effort I made in the p...

I think more can be said on these two types of parenting. This week, I am not using "The Journey of the Heroic Parent" but that book is at the heart of why I am doing this topic at all. So please -- read it! This week I am doing a bit more break down of types of parental/relationship control, why we tend to use it. Kids behave in certain ways, parents react to that behavior. It's har...

Teaching by example, listening to them, including kids in decision making and solutions, and creating opportunities for them to experience age appropriate autonomy are ways to influence your children. Influence has longer staying power than control and is much harder to engage in. It requires self-awareness and some honesty about your parenting motives. Listen to this week's podcast for a toe...

At least let's start talking about the different between control and influence in our relationships. Specifically, in our parent-child relationships, and more generally, other relationships. I believe control is outcome based and our need to control exists because we need a certain results from our children or our relationships in order to feel "good about ourselves." Detaching from...

This podcast is a continuation of last week. I focus on two of the admonitions given to parents by Lindsay and Carson. 1. Don't make your child's behavior about you. Lindsay reminds us that it is NOT. ABOUT. YOU (the parent). 2. Find ways to connect with your children now as who they ARE currently, and don't rely on who they WERE. It's time for new things. Please engage with this p...

This week Lindsay and Carson join me this week to discuss adult child/parent relationships. It has become increasingly obvious to me that this is an overlooked area of relationships, and there is a reasonable belief that status quo is fine. Interestingly, I have adult clients who don’t believe the status quo is fine. They express hurt and frustration about their relationships with their parents. H...

This week, I respond to the feedback I received from you guys about the 3 circles. Topics brought up include how to teach it to kids, the many different types of conflict, or contention, or disagreement. Also, what is the role of persuasion in the 3 circles. Maybe this will be the last one of these for a while.

Join me this week for a conversation with Emma. This episode is informative in so many ways. Emma's practical experience with this tool, and her ability to address the nuances of this new way of being in relationship with an other is a wonderful way to end this series. Emma was a great guest; it felt like talking to a friend about a topic we are both passionate about.

The framework for The 3 Circles Communication Tool has been laid with the last part being the "Other's Circle." With this basic understanding, you can start to pay attention to how you might use this in your relationships. Next week Emma Reedy will join me to share her insights, feedback and discuss real world application. Don't miss it!! The Three Circles Communication Tool

The 3 Circles Communication Tool has great potential for improving our relationships. It's about boundaries, communication, validation and intimacy. Please listen, let me know what you think and if you need more clarification. The Three Circles Communication Tool by Emma Reedy

The Three Circles exercise illustrates a way to use healthy communication in any relationship. This particular tool helps clarify boundaries, and identify people-pleasing and co-dependent behaviors. It also pinpoints the ways parents make their kids responsible for their feelings, how people shut down and shame others for their feelings and experiences, and gives permission to disengage with peopl...

Your body is hard-wired to react to stress in ways meant to protect you against threats from predators and other aggressors. Such threats are rare today, but that doesn't mean that life is free of stress. Actually, you probably face a whole lot of stress such as taking on more work than you can handle, bills, family and major transitions. Your brain/body sees these so-called minor hassles as t...

It's been a very busy week celebrating some important people in my family. This has prompted some thoughts on the significance of adult sibling relationships as well as the relationships between adult children and parents.

Please, please listen to this podcast. This is sensory processing sensitivity in real life. Regan is a great guest, and has a lot of insight worth listening to. We talk about how the characteristics depth of processing, overstimulation, emotion reactivity and empathy, and sensitivity to subtleties show up in her everyday life. She is honest and open about the good and bad that comes with this trai...

Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) is a biological trait characterized by greater reactivity to environmental and social stimuli, both positive and negative. The HSP shows a depth of processing, they are often overstimulated and they have intense emotions and increased empathy. They are also more sensitive to things that would go unnoticed by non-sensitive people. These may include food textures...

A highly sensitive person is someone who experiences physical, emotional and mental responses to stimuli in a way that is more extreme than other people. Fifteen to 20% of the population has Sensory-Processing Sensitivity, the term Elaine Aron coined to identify people with this trait. Listen to this week's podcast for insights into how the HSP interacts in or reacts to a world that is more su...

A mindfulness practice often begins with a breath practice. This is where you focus, sometimes count, your in-breath and out-breath. Your mind may wander and you just bring your focus back to the breath. As you grow more confident in this practice, you can include noticing your thoughts and how they affect you. This practice is done by observing and not getting caught up in the past or the future...

Life is difficult. Why? Why does my brain want to spend so much time generating emotional suffering? Why am I so reactive to stressful situations? Why am I always upset when this happens? What am I supposed to do with these feelings of guilt, shame, boredom, or stress? What about addictions, depression, or chronic pain? Why can't I remember anything? Mindfulness addresses all of these question...

This podcast is about emotional intelligence. This podcast addresses how as parents and caregivers and spouses and siblings and friends we can do the work of understanding our emotions in order to create a better emotional climate in our relationships. I use the words "bad and good" at one point to say something is "bad" parenting, and I would like to rescind that statement. It...

Epigenetics is the study of the chemical changes in the cells that alter gene expression by turning a gene "on or off." Epigenetics does not alter the DNA strand or the genetic code. This burgeoning area of research has implications for mental health and generational trauma. Most people agree that environment and behavior play a significant role in our physical and mental health, but can...

 Jean Decety and Jason Cowell give us the following 3 part definition of empathy.  Emotional sharing: experiencing the same feelings as others simply by observing them Empathic concern: the desire or motivation to care for individuals in need Perspective-taking: the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes Additionally, practicing empathy would include creating a positive outcome...

If you are experiencing generational trauma, or if you have experienced your own trauma(s), it is important to find help and support. Often this can be a friend or a family member, and sometimes professional help in the form of support groups, or individual therapy is necessary. Listen to this week's podcast where I talk about genograms, adverse childhood experiences, and mindfulness all in the co...