Hops and Box Office Flops

Transformers: The Last Knight is the fifth film directed by Michael Bay about the storied toy line. The prior four were of varying quality, but The Last Knight stands out as by far the worst. A convoluted mess, it rewrites the legend of King Arthur, infusing the Autobots into the tale. This, of course, leads to a whole bunch of other nonsense, including Merlin's magical staff being of Cybertron or...

The Last Jedi , despite being a massive financial success, has been highly divisive since its release in December 2017. Sure, there are those who love and defend it, especially for its willingness to subvert expectations. Its detractors, though, often cite The Last Jedi's nonsensical plot and less than favorable depiction of beloved Star Wars hero Luke Skywalker for why they hate it. The pod tends...

By feeling more like optional homework than obligatory viewing, The Marvels falls into a familiar trap of the Phase 4 and 5 MCU films. And it fails to up the ante for its main heroine from her first solo outing. There is certainly more to juggle here—adding in both Ms. Marvel and Monica Rambeau—but The Marvels fails to find the right balance. The titular three are charming and have decent chemistr...

In 2019, Todd Phillips' Joker, though divisive, received heaps of praise and a box office shattering $1 billion+ take. Joker: Folie à Deux , however, received none of that acclaim or success. That is for good reason. Joker: Folie à Deux is a meandering mess of a film — one that features impromptu musical segments. Those songs, shockingly, are not at all the issue. Instead of carrying on Arthur Fle...

Kraven The Hunter, Marvel's most dangerous huntsman, has always been linked with perhaps their most famed hero, Spider-Man. Yet, for his big screen debut, there is a distinct lack of the web-head. Yes, folks, this is another of Sony's moronic attempts to build a shared universe out of the wall crawlers villains. And, like all those that came before it— Madame Web , Morbius , and the trilogy of Ven...

Red One is a big budget Christmas action film with an array of stars to make it shine; it is also a mindless hunk of studio schlock. In it, Santa Claus has been kidnapped by a malevolent holiday witch. It is up to the Rock's Callum Drift (yes, that is his name) to get him back in time for the big day. What follows is a paint-by-numbers blockbuster that is crammed with enough CGI and bad one-liners...

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire  directly proceeds the events of 2021's Afterlife, following the Spengler gang as they begin their exploits in the Big Apple. Wider in scope and scale than its predecessor, Frozen Empire features plenty of ghoulish fun for fans of the franchise. However, it's also poorly paced and overstuffed with characters and sub-plots—some of which work far better than others. That...

Based on a 1980s television show of the same name, The Fall Guy seemed to be on course to be the summer season’s first hit. Screening more than a month before its release at South by Southwest, the buzz (reviews included) for the Ryan Gosling/Emily Blunt film was strong. And with Gosling—who plays the titular character Colt Seavers—coming off of Barbie, his movie star bonafides had never been stro...

Borderlands is yet another vapid video game adaptation that fails to capture what made the games it's based on so great—a colorful explosion full of nonsensical plot points and weak action. Not surprisingly, it couldn't ignite the box office or earn the adoration of fans and critics. Now, sit back, fuel your anarchy with a Oberon Eclipse from Bell's Brewery, and roll up the damn windows! The Thund...

Loosely based on the daring exploits of a ragtag group of soldiers during World War II, The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare is a tale of heroism with a Guy Ritchie spin. The film chronicles Operation Postmaster—in which a battalion led by Gus March-Phillips (Henry Cavill) is sent on an off the books mission to disrupt, ideally destroy, the Nazis U-Boat resupply operation. March-Phillips, played...

Sting is a nasty little creature feature that came and went to little notice. Released on under 1,000 screens, this tale of a cosmic spider running amok is sure to make the hairs of any arachnophobe stand up. It's lean; it's mean; and it's got enough gross gore to unsettle even the least squeamish of us. It's like Alien—if the Xenomorph was an eight-legged freak who enjoyed dining on birds, babies...

Oddity , a small Irish film, is one of the better horror movies of 2024. It centers on Darcy, whose twin sister Dani was brutally murdered alone in the remote house she was renovating with her husband. Darcy, who is blind, is a medium. When she touches an object, she can peer into its experiences. She, still unsure of what truly happened to her sister, takes it upon herself to unravel the mystery...

In a Violent Nature is an art house version of Friday the 13th. It's minimalist, lacking a score, and generally follows the killer Johnny around as he tromps through the woods. It's an interesting twist on the classic slasher formula, but its style certainly won't be for everyone. That said, In a Violent Nature deserves credit for daring to be distinct in a genre full of tropes and clones. That al...

Terrifier 2  ups the ante of the first film in nearly every way. It is brutal, shocking, and repugnant. Despite that, it is hard not to appreciate the practical effect work of Damien Leone—the film's writer, director, editor, and producer. This is a carnival of splatter. And Art the Clown, the principal antagonist of the Terrifier franchise, is quite creepy. Where the movie fails is in creating a...

Rebel Moon – Part Two Director's Cut: Curse of Forgiveness is the ultimate payoff to our team of rebels coming together. Essentially, it all culminates in one massive battle scene, where each of our heroes gets their due. It is a visual feast of explosions, violence, and destruction. And, quite frankly, it is awesome. In the PG-13 cut, The Scargiver, the majority of the battle scenes were in tact;...

Rebel Moon – Part One Director's Cut: Chalice of Blood is the far superior version of the saga’s first installment. Sadly, very few people tuned into the director’s preferred vision of the film when it dropped on Netflix eight months after the PG-13 cut. Chalice of Blood fixes many of the issues from the trimmed down one, providing much needed connective tissue and time for the viewer to breathe....

Before Bill Cosby was a serial sex offender (well, concurrently really), he was just an unfunny comedian. And Leonard Part Six is his magnum opus of unfunny. Leonard Parker is a secret agent, like a moronic James Bond of sorts. This is technically his sixth adventure. The other five are classified! That latter bit you should be happy about. Why? Because number six is as dumb as humanly possible. I...

Dana Carvey is an immensely talented and funny comedian. Sadly, Master of Disguise fails in almost every conceivable way to showcase that. It is loaded with one-note jokes and costumes that range from idiotic to absurdly racist. Thus, despite being a mild success financially, it failed to launch his career to the next level. Worse, Master of Disguise was despised by critics, narrowly avoiding a 0%...

Highlander II: The Quickening takes everything you loved about the original and throws it in the dumpster. A sequel in title only, the film is an utter travesty from start to finish. Why? Well, instead of the general premise of them simply being immortals, they are now beings from a different planet. They were sent to Earth as punishment for treason, but also inexplicably granted immortality. It o...

Saturn 3  is, quite frankly, just a bizarre film. It focuses on essentially three characters—played by just Kirk Douglas, Farah Fawcett, and Harvey Keitel—as well as a corny looking robot named Hector. Douglas and Fawcett, as Major Adam and his assistant Alex, work on one of the moon's of Saturn, striving to find solutions to Earth's hunger problem. Keitel, as the menacing Benson, shows up to brin...

Deadpool & Wolverine is a comic nerd's dream. It's a love letter to the superhero cinema that paved the path to this current generation, while also celebrating the iconic performances of Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. It's bloody, vulgar, and just a really f$%^ing great time. It also helps to reset the course for a fledgling MCU. Unlike many of the Phase 4/5 films and shows before it, you will lea...

Forgive the brevity, as we’re at comic con, but Boy Kills World is a bloody good time, and you should watch it! Now, sit back, prepare to fight with an Atomic Slam Hazy Double IPA from Paperback Brewing , and don't be a f$%# puppet! I, the Thunderous Wizard ( @WriterTLK ), Bling Blake , and Chumpzilla are laying the smackdown to sugary cereal mascots at the Culling! This Week’s Segments: Introduct...

Equilibrium centers on post-World War III society, Libria, where emotions have been outlawed. Daily, citizens must take scheduled injections of Prozium II to ensure they don't begin to feel. Violators are handled with prejudice. If that sounds familiar, it should. Equilibrium, despite a few nifty action scenes, is highly derivative of better dystopian fiction. One of its few innovations—enforcemen...

The Running Man , starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, resembles the Richard Bachman (Stephen King) novel it was based on in name only. Naturally, since its lead is the "Austrian Oak," it is a testosterone-fueled action movie with a light sprinkling of dystopian allegories. That said, it crushes both of those elements. Certainly, The Running Man's dire warnings may feel satirical, but viewed through a...

When it was released in 1982, few could've predicted Blade Runner would become the cultural landmark that it did. Sure, it was well reviewed at the time and remains so, but it was generally slept on by audiences. Time has only seen the appreciation for it grow. Its cult status is well deserved. Blade Runner is a masterpiece of the genre—a truly seminal science fiction film. Buoyed by Rutger Hauer'...