Hops and Box Office Flops

Jury Duty was one of the last gasps in the fading stardom of Pauly Shore. Son of the legendary Mitzi Shore, Pauly was briefly—and inexplicably—a Hollywood thing in the 90s. With his dopey, laissez-faire  chic, he headlined a string of movies, most of which weren’t very good. Jury Duty falls into the unfortunate section of his filmography. A riff on 12 Angry Men, the movie centers on one dipshit ju...

Nothing But Trouble is so bizarre that it's hard to believe it exists. The brain child of Dan Aykroyd, it is a menagerie of his wildest ideas and characters. And, since he wrote, directed, and produced it, there was nobody on set with enough clout to have him rein it in a little. Ghostbusters this is not. Despite that, Aykroyd should be commended for going all in on his ideas. When your film invol...

In Find Me Guilty , Vin Diesel stars as "Fat" Jackie DiNorscio, one of several defendants in a federal racketeering trial. That trial was the longest Mafia trial in American history. That conceit is interesting in and of itself, but the fact that DiNorscio served as his own attorney really puts it over the top. Using original court transcripts throughout, DiNorscio makes for a compelling movie cha...

Gotti is the dramatic retelling of the rise and fall of one time New York Mafia kingpin John J. Gotti. Historically, mob stories have been excellent cinematic fodder. That is not the case here. Produced by Junior Gotti, the son of the late head of the Gambino Crime Family, this film lacks a compelling narrative. And since it is told non-linearly, most of the proceedings are a jumbled mess. Thus, f...

Land of the Lost is the second reboot of a niche TV show from the 70s. With a far bigger budget and a cast of comedy all-stars—including Will Ferrell and Danny McBride—one would think the big screen version would elevate the odd source material. Alas, it could not. Land of the Lost is an unfunny slog through a pseudo prehistoric parallel dimension. It is one filled with a vengeful T-Rex, horny liz...

Waterworld  was Kevin Costner’s massive swing at post-apocalyptic adventure. As the film’s gruff lead, the Mariner, Costner is essentially just a seafaring Mad Max, wandering the oceanic wasteland trying to survive. If that sounds cool, then you’ll probably love it. And for the most part, it is pretty damn awesome. What made Waterworld such an easy target for critics and the public was its massive...

Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins is based on The Destroyer series of pulp novels. Clearly inspired by James Bond, the character takes an American spin on the cloak and dagger antics of black ops. Unlike Agent 007, though, Remo Williams—at least in his big screen incarnation—is not the most compelling character. And by modern sensibilities, it doesn't help that his trainer—an elderly Korean mari...

Sahara was meant to be the next big adventure franchise—an Indiana Jones for a new era. Its main character—Dirk Pitt played by Matthew McConaughey—was the lead in a series of novels by Clive Cussler. The material was there to be mined, but the audience was not. Despite its inspiration, Sahara could not match the popularity of the novels. Grossing just $119 million worldwide, it took quite the hit...

Speed Racer , based on a popular Japanese Manga and cartoon from the 1960s, is a CGI explosion of high speed hijinks. Directed by Lilly and Lana Wachowski, it embodies much of what made the series so beloved. That works to its benefit and detriment. For those unfamiliar with Speed Racer's inspiration, there is a barrier to entry. Essentially, this is an eccentric film based on an eccentric propert...

Alita: Battle Angel , based on a popular Manga series, is a cyberpunk action film from Robert Rodriguez. Full of CGI and over the top fisticuffs, Alita: Battle Angel is quite often visually dazzling. It truly feels like an anime come to life. Where it fails is its storytelling. The titular Alita is not a particularly compelling character, and her romance with Hugo is even less interesting. Such a...

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is a somewhat successful live-action adaptation of the beloved GI Joe cartoon and toy line. It's a big, loud, dumb, and, at times, very fun action film. Most of the adjectives above will come as no surprise for fans of Stephen Sommers–he of The Mummy and The Mummy Returns fame. The DNA of what made those films such enjoyable adventure romps is here. Unfortunately, so is h...

The Last Airbender —the 2010 version written, produced, and directed by M. Night Shyamalan—is an affront to cinema. Yes, it is that bad; and no, it is not worth wasting more brain power writing about. Now, sit back, douse the Fire Nation's flames with a Tropic Force IPA from Voodoo Ranger, and practice that water bending! I, the Thunderous Wizard ( @WriterTLK ),  Bling Blake ,  and  Chumpzilla are...

Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom  is the abandoned child of a now-defunct cinematic universe. Pushed multiple times and released far after James Gunn's announcement of his new DCU, the writing was on the wall, or in the sand, for the King of Atlantis' fate. And, yet, the studio still felt they needed to tinker with it to death. The fingerprints of studio meddling are all over Aquaman and the Lost King...

Madame Web is Sony's latest vapid entry in their ever burgeoning catalogue of films centering around the villains of Spider-Man. And, yes, like Morbius , that hero is nowhere to be seen. In fact, since the film largely takes place in 2003, he hasn't even been born yet. Our heroine here is Cassandra Webb, an EMT born with powers she has yet to realize she's been given. The how and the why of that t...

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania was the bite-sized hero's attempt to elevate the stakes of his solo outings. With Kang—the MCU's big bad in waiting—as the film's central villain, it was meant to serve as a narrative intro for the next Avengers team up. Alas, that appears like it is not to be. Even before Jonathan Majors, the actor portraying Kang, ran afoul with the law, Quantumania's poor revie...

The Flash , despite the character's powers, took forever to speed its way to the big screen. Originally announced as part of DC's film slate in 2014, it would be nine long years before it was finally released. During that time, numerous directors and writers were attached and then detached from the project. Ultimately, amid numerous legal troubles, Ezra Miller would return to star and IT's Andy Mu...

Blue Beetle is the type of superhero film that seems to be in increasingly rare supply these days. It places character firmly over spectacle, and in doing so, gives us one of the most heartfelt comic book films of recent memory. If you're not familiar with the character, Blue Beetle is sort of extraterrestrial Ironman. The character, Jaime Reyes, is human, but the tech, Khaji Da, is alien. The two...

Half Past Dead is the last feature film with Steven Seagal as the main star to earn a theatrical release. If one were to track what came after, that would come as no surprise. In his thankfully short-lived action cinema prime, Seagal was serviceable. Light on charm, looks, and acting acumen, his unique brand of punishment was entertaining enough. But, as the years and the pounds piled on, the shee...

Expend4bles is the epitome of milking an idea dry. It's lazy, visually a mess, and its narrative is almost completely nonsensical. Worse, like the third entry in the series, Expend4bles doesn't seem to grasp what made people interested in its concept in the first place. We lose even more of the action stars we all love and replace them with even less interesting people. Sure, this one returns the...

Written and directed by Taran Killam, Killing Gunther is a mockumentary centering on a group of incompetent assassins who assemble to take down the world's best hitman. It is a wonderfully comedic and weird film that was unfortunately slept on by both critics and viewers. Grossing less than $200,000, Killing Gunther never found much of an audience. But it should have. Its cast of eclectic characte...

Hollywood Homicide is a delightful mismatched buddy cop comedy. Unfortunately, everyone hated it, including its star—Harrison Ford. Written and directed by Ron Shelton, of Bull Durham and Tin Cup fame, Hollywood Homicide channels the real life exploits of one-time Los Angeles policeman Robert Souza. Judging by some of the movie's subplots, reality is indeed stranger than fiction. Speaking of those...

Die Hard and Lethal Weapon are two of the great 80s action movie. That much is indisputable. But they are also both set during the Christmas season. On this podcast, we debate which is the better Christmas movie.  So, sit back, revel in the holiday spirit with either a Merry Monkey from Victory Brewing or an Abita Christmas Ale , and don't think you're too old for this shit! I, the Thunderous Wiza...

Just Friends is a charming little comedy starring Ryan Reynolds before he ascended into super stardom. As Chris Brander, Reynolds plays a heavy-set high schooler whose love for his best friend Jamie Palamino (Amy Smart) is unrequited. Flash forward 10 years and Brander is now fit and successful. He begrudgingly returns to his hometown in New Jersey and takes one last shot with his longtime crush....

Palm Springs is a cinematic gem that went under the radar in 2020. Released at the height of the pandemic, it's an uproariously funny time loop movie, centering on a man stuck at a miserable wedding. When said man, Niles played by Andy Sandberg, mistakenly drags a fellow guest into the unending cycle, the real fun begins. Like Groundhog Day, Palm Springs is very much about our lead characters—the...

So I Married an Axe Murderer came hot off the heels of the mega hit Wayne's World. Unfortunately for Mike Myers, it could not replicate the famous skit's success. Banking just north of $11 million, So I Married and Axe Murderer was a box office bomb. But any child of the 90s will tell you that it's still a damn good time. This is peak Myers, a time when his oddball characters were still funny. It'...