Hops and Box Office Flops

Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare is exactly what you'd expect from an aging franchise that's overstayed its welcome. It looks and feels cheap; pales in comparison to prior entries; and boasts a script not befitting the icon it represents. Frankly, Freddy's Dead is a travesty. If it weren't later redeemed by Wes Craven's exceptional New Nightmare , it may have gone down as the single worst final...

Super Troopers 3 reassembles the Broken Lizard gang's most enduring characters for one last (mustache) ride. Yes, they're still juvenile. Age has not matured them. And we're glad it didn't. Super Troopers 3, like its predecessors, is gleefully sophomoric, infinitely quotable, and appropriately idiotic in all the best ways. Sadly—despite defying the odds against a long-gestating threequel recapturi...

A Hulu original, Quasi is the Broken Lizard gang's attempt to tackle historical fiction. They do so to decidedly mixed results. Loosely based on Victor Hugo's 1831 novel, The Hunchback of Notre-Dame, Quasi's satirical take on 19th Century France lacks the punch of the troupe's other films. It's not devoid of laughs, by any means, but its not overflowing with them either. Now, sit back, toast to th...

Beerfest is magical! We wish it were winter, so we could freeze it into ice blocks and skate on it! Then we could melt it in the spring time and watch it again! Now, sit back, test your monkey chug with an Oktoberfest from BrewDog, and finish your beer asshole! The Thunderous Wizard and  Bling Blake are about to play some high-stakes ping-pong in Ding Dang! This Week’s Segments: Introduction/Plot...

Perhaps the least well known of Broken Lizard's films, The Slammin' Salmon was a bad cut of fish for critics and the box office. Focusing on a ragtag waitstaff, their hopeless manager, and insane restaurant owner, the film mirrors many of the workplace comedies of the era. It's not really breaking any new ground. Despite that, it does have some solid laughs, and the troupe remains a good hang. Cou...

Mortal Kombat II ups the ante in every conceivable way over its 2021 predecessor ( covered on this pod ). It's bigger, bloodier, far more ambitious, and—this really seals the deal—it actually features the titular tournament. Released at the tail-end of Covid, Mortal Kombat dropped both in theaters and HBO Max on the same day. Earning a strong $84.4 million and konquering the streaming charts made...

Ignored when it was released, Grandma's Boy became one of the quintessential stoner comedies of the 2000s. For good reason, it's very funny, doesn't take itself at all seriously, and features some top-tier performances from up and coming actors — including Nick Swardson and Joel David Moore. Listen, this isn't high art. Grandma's Boy is a stupid movie where a pothead teaches a chimpanzee karate, J...

1994's Street Fighter is a perfect example of the lawless ass 90s. Like other video game movies of the era, it ignores all the things that made its inspiration great. Unlike many of its contemporaries, though, Street Fighter overcomes its terrible script, weak acting, poor casting, and ludicrous plot. That is thanks in large part to the late and certainly great Raul Julia as villainous M. Bison. I...

The Last Starfighter is wish fulfillment the movie. A teenager hoping for bigger things gets called to action because of his sick arcade skills. That call is to become a starfighter in the coming war with the treacherous Xur. It's a charming, silly little film that definitely sought to capitalize on moviegoer's continued love of the Star Wars franchise. In spite of horrid effects and a cornball sc...

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen failed so spectacularly it ended two careers — that of the legendary actor Sean Connery and its director, Stephen Norrington. Based on a comic co-written by Alan Moore, the property had the bonafides to be more than just dispensable popcorn theater. Sadly, a disastrous production—plagued by delays and abusive behaviors from its star— ultimately relegated it to...

Clifford centers on an obnoxious pre-teen who thrives on being an asshole. To that end, his entire goal in life is to get his uncle to take him to a dinosaur-themed amusement park. When his Uncle Martin's life gets in the way, Clifford sets out to ruin him. Hilarity does not ensue. That's mainly because—and we probably buried the lede—the titular character is played by Martin Short. He doesn't loo...

The Pest  is obnoxiously unfunny. Full of racist gags and manic energy, it is the epitome of the lawless ass 90s. And, listen, this pod loves John Leguizamo. He's had a fantastic career. But he's going 110 in a 35 zone here and essentially none of it works. We may not be rich Germans with an enthusiasm for hunting humans, but it's hard not to see their point with The Pest. After about 20 minutes o...

Party Monster —we came, we partied, we killed! Now, sit back, get club kid wasted with a Hazy Day Sue from Toppling Goliath Brewing Co., and put the hammer down! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla , and  Bling Blake are addicted to glamour! This Week’s Segments: Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Good. Evil. Fun! Lingering Questions – Did anything about the movie capture the insanity of the true story w...

Expendables 2 is the ideal sequel. Overflowing with testosterone, bulging veins, and well-timed quips, it fulfills the promise made by its predecessor — to bring back the mayhem and stars from yesteryear for a smorgasbord of insane action. It's literally perfect. No notes. Watch it now, or rest in pieces! So, sit back, get locked and loaded with a Capiche? from Paperback Brewing Co., and we now pr...

Firewalker , another of Chuck Norris' many collaborations with Cannon Films, is exactly what you'd expect from a low budget Indiana Jones ripoff. The script is bad, the plot is ludicrous, and we never even get to see what the bad guy intends to do with his desired magical abilities. Despite all that, Firewalker does have its charms—most of which lie heavily on the back of Louis Gossett Jr. Predict...

Sidekicks is essentially The Karate Kid with a giant dose of wish fulfillment. In it, Barry Gabrewski (played by the late Jonathan Brandis) spends his days daydreaming about busting skulls with his favorite action hero, Chuck Norris. Of course, since this is a kid learns karate to better himself movie, he ultimately meets Norris, gets the girl, bests his bully, and overcomes the issues that have p...

Few things are more American than action movies where lone heroes murder foreigners with lethal impunity. Invasion USA proudly carries that torch. Only it does so poorly. Like most films starring the bearded badass known as Carlos "Chuck" Norris, Invasion USA is a Cannon joint. Yes, that Cannon. The script sucks, it looks cheap, and it somehow makes less sense than most other films in the genre. W...

For Your Consideration  is another mockumentary from acclaimed satirist Christopher Guest. But unlike his previous efforts, this one failed to capture the hearts of longtime fans. Taking aim at the absurdity of Hollywood, For Your Consideration fails to find the magic of his prior three films. The characters are less likable, the target is far larger, and the narrative focus just never finds its c...

Argylle is a spy movie about mistaken identity that lacks a clear one itself. Full of convoluted plot twists and set pieces overrun by pastels and other insane imagery, Argylle is a film that clearly thinks it is far better than it actually is. One can forgive that self-assurance considering its director, Matthew Vaughn, has quite a track record of success—including in the genre. That said, the ir...

A cult classic, Waiting for Guffman is a mockumentary chronicling a small community theatre's production of its town's history. Boasting a host of exceptional improv actors — Catherine O'Hara, Eugene Levy, and Fred Willard to name a few — the Christopher Guest written and directed feature is jam packed with laughs. Guest, who also serves as the films lead Corky St. Clair, is in his comfort zone he...

To honor the late James Van Der Beek, who we lost far too soon, we're doing a special episode on the 1999 high school football classic Varsity Blues . So, sit back, complain about your asshole coach over a few Budweisers, and play for each other! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla , and  Bling Blake are helping West Canaan finally remove that eyesore of a statue! This Week’s Segments: Introduction/...

Grab your badge, Kid! It's time to clean up the streets with Dick Tracy ! So, sit back, tease Mumbles with an ice cold Cadence from Reformation Brewery, and never eat oysters with Lips Manlis! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla , and  Bling Blake are shaking down the mob one club at a time! This Week’s Segments: Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Their turf. Their game. Their rules. They didn't count on...

Gemini Man —directed by two-time Best Director winner Ang Lee—is a misguided exercise. Filmed in a format almost no theaters could play, Lee's insistence on pushing the technological bounds of cinema did little to help the movie. Instead of revving up the frames per second, Lee would've been better served to revise the script. Full of cliches and tropes, Gemini Man feels like a the retread of a fi...

Eternals is a noble misfire for the MCU. Directed by winner of the 2021 Best Director Oscar, Chloe Zhao, it attempts to elevate the superhero movie genre. One problem: It's super boring. Eternals, which rambles on for an excruciating 156 minutes, never finds its footing. Plagued by bland characters and a distinct lack of charm, it is never able to distinguish itself among the sea of Marvel movies....

Hook  is a wonderfully charming movie about rediscovering the joys of one's youth. That said, critics hated it when it was released in 1991, and its director, Steven Spielberg, isn't all that high on it either. The latter is a little puzzling. Sure, Hook is too long and gets oddly dark at times, but there is still so much to enjoy. Principally, both Dustin Hoffman as Captain Hook and Robin William...