Hops and Box Office Flops

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen failed so spectacularly it ended two careers — that of the legendary actor Sean Connery and its director, Stephen Norrington. Based on a comic co-written by Alan Moore, the property had the bonafides to be more than just dispensable popcorn theater. Sadly, a disastrous production—plagued by delays and abusive behaviors from its star— ultimately relegated it to...

Clifford centers on an obnoxious pre-teen who thrives on being an asshole. To that end, his entire goal in life is to get his uncle to take him to a dinosaur-themed amusement park. When his Uncle Martin's life gets in the way, Clifford sets out to ruin him. Hilarity does not ensue. That's mainly because—and we probably buried the lede—the titular character is played by Martin Short. He doesn't loo...

The Pest  is obnoxiously unfunny. Full of racist gags and manic energy, it is the epitome of the lawless ass 90s. And, listen, this pod loves John Leguizamo. He's had a fantastic career. But he's going 110 in a 35 zone here and essentially none of it works. We may not be rich Germans with an enthusiasm for hunting humans, but it's hard not to see their point with The Pest. After about 20 minutes o...

Party Monster —we came, we partied, we killed! Now, sit back, get club kid wasted with a Hazy Day Sue from Toppling Goliath Brewing Co., and put the hammer down! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla , and  Bling Blake are addicted to glamour! This Week’s Segments: Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Good. Evil. Fun! Lingering Questions – Did anything about the movie capture the insanity of the true story w...

Expendables 2 is the ideal sequel. Overflowing with testosterone, bulging veins, and well-timed quips, it fulfills the promise made by its predecessor — to bring back the mayhem and stars from yesteryear for a smorgasbord of insane action. It's literally perfect. No notes. Watch it now, or rest in pieces! So, sit back, get locked and loaded with a Capiche? from Paperback Brewing Co., and we now pr...

Firewalker , another of Chuck Norris' many collaborations with Cannon Films, is exactly what you'd expect from a low budget Indiana Jones ripoff. The script is bad, the plot is ludicrous, and we never even get to see what the bad guy intends to do with his desired magical abilities. Despite all that, Firewalker does have its charms—most of which lie heavily on the back of Louis Gossett Jr. Predict...

Sidekicks is essentially The Karate Kid with a giant dose of wish fulfillment. In it, Barry Gabrewski (played by the late Jonathan Brandis) spends his days daydreaming about busting skulls with his favorite action hero, Chuck Norris. Of course, since this is a kid learns karate to better himself movie, he ultimately meets Norris, gets the girl, bests his bully, and overcomes the issues that have p...

Few things are more American than action movies where lone heroes murder foreigners with lethal impunity. Invasion USA proudly carries that torch. Only it does so poorly. Like most films starring the bearded badass known as Carlos "Chuck" Norris, Invasion USA is a Cannon joint. Yes, that Cannon. The script sucks, it looks cheap, and it somehow makes less sense than most other films in the genre. W...

For Your Consideration  is another mockumentary from acclaimed satirist Christopher Guest. But unlike his previous efforts, this one failed to capture the hearts of longtime fans. Taking aim at the absurdity of Hollywood, For Your Consideration fails to find the magic of his prior three films. The characters are less likable, the target is far larger, and the narrative focus just never finds its c...

Argylle is a spy movie about mistaken identity that lacks a clear one itself. Full of convoluted plot twists and set pieces overrun by pastels and other insane imagery, Argylle is a film that clearly thinks it is far better than it actually is. One can forgive that self-assurance considering its director, Matthew Vaughn, has quite a track record of success—including in the genre. That said, the ir...

A cult classic, Waiting for Guffman is a mockumentary chronicling a small community theatre's production of its town's history. Boasting a host of exceptional improv actors — Catherine O'Hara, Eugene Levy, and Fred Willard to name a few — the Christopher Guest written and directed feature is jam packed with laughs. Guest, who also serves as the films lead Corky St. Clair, is in his comfort zone he...

To honor the late James Van Der Beek, who we lost far too soon, we're doing a special episode on the 1999 high school football classic Varsity Blues . So, sit back, complain about your asshole coach over a few Budweisers, and play for each other! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla , and  Bling Blake are helping West Canaan finally remove that eyesore of a statue! This Week’s Segments: Introduction/...

Grab your badge, Kid! It's time to clean up the streets with Dick Tracy ! So, sit back, tease Mumbles with an ice cold Cadence from Reformation Brewery, and never eat oysters with Lips Manlis! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla , and  Bling Blake are shaking down the mob one club at a time! This Week’s Segments: Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Their turf. Their game. Their rules. They didn't count on...

Gemini Man —directed by two-time Best Director winner Ang Lee—is a misguided exercise. Filmed in a format almost no theaters could play, Lee's insistence on pushing the technological bounds of cinema did little to help the movie. Instead of revving up the frames per second, Lee would've been better served to revise the script. Full of cliches and tropes, Gemini Man feels like a the retread of a fi...

Eternals is a noble misfire for the MCU. Directed by winner of the 2021 Best Director Oscar, Chloe Zhao, it attempts to elevate the superhero movie genre. One problem: It's super boring. Eternals, which rambles on for an excruciating 156 minutes, never finds its footing. Plagued by bland characters and a distinct lack of charm, it is never able to distinguish itself among the sea of Marvel movies....

Hook  is a wonderfully charming movie about rediscovering the joys of one's youth. That said, critics hated it when it was released in 1991, and its director, Steven Spielberg, isn't all that high on it either. The latter is a little puzzling. Sure, Hook is too long and gets oddly dark at times, but there is still so much to enjoy. Principally, both Dustin Hoffman as Captain Hook and Robin William...

Francis Ford Coppola is one of the greatest directors ever. Period. Yet even his resume is not devoid of misfires and flops. Enter  Jack , a dramedy about a 10-year old kid trapped in the body of a grown man. No, this isn't Big. In this 1996 film, the titular kiddo, Jack Powell, ages far faster than his peers. With that odd condition comes its own set of issues. As one may assume, yes, poor Jack w...

After seven years and 299 episodes, it was only fitting we'd tackle the film that's been a lightning rod with fans—and the hosts of this podcast—since its release in March 2016. Love it or hate it,  Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice  remains in the comic book cultural zeitgeist; and it was the first in a chain of events that led to the eventual downfall of the previous iteration of the DCU. Now,...

We've mercifully finished the fight! After four grueling pods and six movies, we conclude our Biohazard Flops series with Resident Evil: The Final Chapter . Frankly, we don't have the energy to attempt to dissect how this made more than $300 million worldwide. We survived, and that's all that matters. Now, sit back, give in to the T-Virus with a Harvest Zombie from KCBC, and sneak through that god...

Resident Evil: Retribution carries on the proud tradition of these movies making no sense. The Red Queen is back, and she's an even bigger bitch; Leon shows up with Barry Burton for reasons; and Wesker is alive — which we knew — but he's defected from Umbrella now. Things happen, Alice wakes up naked — again — and does backflips — again! And we, the audience, are left to wonder what crime we commi...

Through bites and claw marks, we soldier on in our Resident Evil franchise retrospective by tackling the second pairing of movies — Resident Evil: Extinction and Resident Evil: Afterlife ! Like the T-Virus, the series has mutated to something indescribably heinous, devouring even more money than its first two iterations. Now, sit back, toast to that infection with a Social Studies Pizza Party from...

We come out guns blazing for our look at the Resident Evil film franchise by tackling the first two movies —  Resident Evil and Resident Evil Apocalypse ! Now, sit back, search for the truth with a White Rabbit Hazy IPA from Pedal Haus Brewing , and do your best not to die in the Hive! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla , and Bling Blake are genetically modified ass-kicking machines, and we're on a...

My Fellow Americans is serviceable mismatched duo comedy starring James Garner and Jack Lemmon as two former Presidents on the run from some nefarious government agents. As former political rivals, Russell P. Kramer (Lemmon) and Matt Douglas (Garner) are thrust together after Kramer is framed for a bribe he didn't take. Some decent laughs and witty repartee ensue. This is very much Grumpy Old Men...

Primary Colors  is a highly embellished take on the 1992 Presidential campaign of Bill Clinton. Using that real life run as inspiration, it tells the story of long-shot democrat hopeful Governor Jack Stanton—a deeply flawed, though well-intentioned politician. Yes, Stanton like his real-life counterpart is a dirty dog. And his wandering eye is a constant source of annoyance for his team. That asid...

The Campaign is an outlandish look at two dimwits vying for votes on the local stump circuit, and it is quite funny. Democratic candidate Cam Brady (Will Ferrell) duels with Republican Marty Huggins (Zach Galifianakis) for what should've been an uncontested election. Hilarity ensues. What's most shocking about The Campaign isn't the lengths Brady will go to ensure he maintains his seat; it's that...